1. People who point at their wrist while asking
for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the f--k is yours?
Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse
to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to
walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have
your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't
eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last
place you look". Of course it
is. Why the f--k would you keep looking after
you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film
"did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and
stare at the f--king
floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a
question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which
is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If
it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the f--k?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever f--king does!! What can
you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone
asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here,
k--b head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't
what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks
'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I
hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the
toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are
ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets
blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f--king
McTosser.

Thats brilliant mate, was in stitches reading it.

Don't know how many people I've had to tell that Peter Kay told these.

Its not funny anymore, you had to spoil it.