Sorry but I just need to rant badly. :(

Warning, this is a depressing post! You were warned..

So I've been in a "fight" with my sister for a couple days now...and my brother and I are always fighting. Seriously, we only talk to each other when we're yelling at the other.

Yesterday, during the evening, when my brother and I were sprayed beyond belief I went downstairs in the basement to pet Emma...and so he locks me in there for what seemed like a half hour (though it prob. was not that long). Then he takes Sunny out of his cage (Sunny is now upstairs) and says "Hmm what would happen if I put the bunny outside"..also he hates to be held and I know he was scared. .it's snowing and dark outside. He pretends to put him outside and shut the door but I knew he didn't put him down because when my brother came back in he put Sunny down, and he hops really loudly and underneath the door (like in the crack I was looking in) I saw his little black feet hopping across the kitchen, lol. He then threatens to let out his dog Joey, who would definitely kill Sunny in a split second.

Then when I started saying stuff through the door to him (mainly all the horrible things he's done in his life which are all true) & he says all this s*** to me...then later he opened the door and I was leaning on it, sitting at the top of the stairs crying (where the door is) and he's like, "Look (insert sister's name), she looks like a dog sitting there looking at us."

And he locks the door again...so I go in the laundry room (which is in the basement) and sit on a pile of dirty clothes just bawling. He comes downstairs and says "Aww look at you crying" blah blah blah..

Also while I'm gone at school he messes the whole place up and leaves his trash everywhere. He's leaving for Colorado in a couple days thank God.

Also I was just so torn last night I did something really stupid that I'd never done before...let's just say I wore a long sleeve shirt today. I didn't want to, but it seemed like my only way of getting rid of the pain. Also I tried to make myself throw up using the back of a toothbrush. I know that is utterly disgusting beyond words but that's how terrible I felt. I hate him so much.

I'm sorry this is so depressing. But I needed to tell someone. Thanks.

wow.. i would have attacked him once he opened the door again!
i mean grabbed something and threaten him. my brother has threaten letting Cinnamen go once. but i knew he was bluffing.
i wouldnt trust my animals alone with him, i'd have them locked in the bathroom while i was gone. is that something you can do with Sunny and Emma? i know with my bathroom you need like a pick to open it.

Where were your parnets during this?! he's older than 18 right? next time you go somewhere were he can lock you in. make sure theres a phone there. so that way next time you can call the cops. and atleast show him that you mean business and not to mess with you again..

and as for what you did.
its not a good time to start that... if you do it to much it will take a LONG time to heal.. i have one thats an "F" on my ankle and its been there for a good month. and you can still see it. and it should have been gone by now. and i have another one on my wrist. and thats been there for a good month two months.. and its still there you can still see everything.. and they arent even that deep enought o make me bleed yeah.. but not enough to be the way it is right now. and it does get very addicting. it's really hard to stop. because you know what it feels like and you know how you feel afterwards. you feel a lot better.

i've only made myself throw up 3 times. because i was so upset. but it still doesnt solve anything. tlak to you parnets, grandparnets, aunts, uncles.. etc someone who will listen and will try to solve it

:hug: He's a major Jerk i'm sorry

Thanks Cinn :hug:

Yeah I would've attacked him but he's 21 and I'm 16...also if I would've hit him he would've just done something back.

I won't have to worry about stuff this like this much longer. He's leaving Friday I think. I don't think he would really hurt the bunnies. He just does it to scare me.

I was surprised how it (c-ing, not sure if I can say that here) made me feel better. I understand it when you say now it's not so scary since I know how it feels. But I'll try not to do it again.
It reminds me so much of a song called "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. Have you ever heard it? It's really good. Here's the lyrics.

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way


Thanks again. :hug:

yourwelcome..

if you ever need to talk someone, i have my Screen names posted in my Profile.
i've done it well over 50 times. i've calmed down a lot but i still do it everynow and then. when i'm feeling down or whatever. but yeah. a lot people don't really understand how hard it is to stop. because what they think is.. "it's not that hard.. just stop" they dont get it till they have felt it. and once you do it a lot. your body takes a longer time to heal. thats why i try to tell people never to start, or once they have to just try to stop. because like i said.. i still have them on me from months ago. and hte one on my wrist looks the freshest and thats a month old. the F is just starting to go away.. i'm sure if you have had Health in high school yet, you've already learned about it. but it's always a good thing to actually learn more about.. i lost the links people gave me. if i can find them i'll PM them to you.

i've never heard that song.. but Jonny Cash is really good i'll have to get my brother to download it for me.

but after awhile when you know how bad it is. afterwards you get this aweful feeling of dissapointment. because you wanted to stop but you couldnt and you let everyone down feeling, and then you just wanna do it again.. so it's better if you just stop now. otherwise its a hard feeling to go with now-a-days.. because its like a feeling of Failure. thats why i have the "F"

:hug:

but like i said you can IM me anytime, or PM me anytime.

I'm so sorry that you are having such horrible problems with your brother.. I would have been freaking out to... I hope you didn't hurt yourself to badly. My friend does that and it makes me sick. I just dont understand hurting yourself to making yourself not hurt. But I have made myself throw up but only when I am sick. Like if my stomach hurts, throwing up will help so I can go back to sleep.

I hope he leaves soon and you are ok!!

OMG Kelly....:cry: :hug: You poor thing, I am so sorry. I'm not supposed to be on the computer because I'm sick right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you hon, I'm here if you need to talk...do you want my cell #?

:hug: Kelly... Please don't hurt yourself anymore. :( I know it might make you feel better, but you're not really doing yourself any good. I know you know that, but I just needed to say it... We're all here if you need anything. I really do hope he leaves for Colorado... :erm:

Kelly Cutting is not the answer I don't know why so many people do it. Kelly hang in there your in my prayers :(

i'll answer it the way how i feel, and my friend felt as well.. etc...

when i did it, i felt steam building up in my body.. putting HUGE bricks on my body.. and i couldn't breath. well you know how when you cut into something thats really hot.. or you see the steam come off of something really hot.. when i would cut, i felt that... like since it was an open wound, i felt as if the steam was leaving my body.. and i felt so much better. thats what most people feels..
and when most peopel do it, they like that feeling and just dont stop.. even if they want to stop.. they just can't.. i've tried to stop cold turkey soooo many times.. but then once Jackson and i became more serious, i've just forgot about.. there are times where i still do it. though.. but not as much

and i'll stick by to what i say is that you wont truly know how it feels unless you've done it.. i didnt understand it at first.. but then once i've done it.. i know what it feels like.

Not to be mean or rude but WHERE THE HE.LL ARE YOUR PARENTS?!

They need to be interjecting here and it's NOT just sibling rivalry or whatever - your brother is mean and needs kicked to the curb.

ohh love4lops,i really feel for you,but i feel even more sorry for your brother,hes 21 and a grown adult,shouldnt he be acting a bit more mature by now,but then again a lot of males never grow up anyway,hes trying to act like a big hot shot,like hes the authority or something,but really hes making himself look stupid and nasty,but he knows that he can get you going,he knows how to make you cry and get mad,he does it cause he knows you are going to take the bait,i know cause i have been in your shoes,my brother was such a bi#ch when i was younger,he would pick on me soooo bad,he was always hurting me and making me cry he would hit me soo hard,and it was always when my parents were out shopping,but he was not 21,i was about 11 and he was about 15,im 32 now.your brother is just down right nasty,either he has problems or he needs a girlfriend,in fact he just needs to GROW UP,i dont know why you want to hurt yourself,i cannot understand because i have never done nothing like that,it never even entered my mind,but please dont hurt yourself over someone nasty like him,he isnt worth it,noone is worth hurting yourself over,because while you are hurting,those kinds of people are just getting on with their life and they are not worrying about you,so please dont hurt yourself anymore ok,you know what the best medicine is,YOUR BUNNIES,even though they cannot talk to you,they can help you in many other ways,believe me.


cheryl

Wow. I agree with BoB and Cheryl. Your brother is a grown adult and he shouldn't be acting like this! It sounds like he needs some counseling or therapy! Do your parents know about this? He shouldn't be treating you like this. It sounds like it goes beyond normal sibling fighting stuff. :( I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. :tsk: