I am curious on peoples views on this. My mom is freaking out because the guy I am interested in (we are not dating, just friends.. but I do like him) is 5 years older than me. Now.. her and my step dad are 18 years apart. I guess I can understand where my mom is coming from.. she told me she didn't want me dating anyone older than 15 (LOL!). But that isn't really what I am asking about or complaining about for that matter. I am just using it as an example.

So how do you feel about ages differences of more than a few years when dating? I myself don't see the big deal. If you like the person well enough, age shouldn't matter. But that's just my opinion...

What about everyone else?

Hmmm....Ive dated guys 10 years older than me. That was way back in the day. LOL I dont really see a problem with age differences as long as the two people who are involved are happy with it.

Having said all that...if Whit or Kate came home one day when they were 17 and told me they liked a 22 year old I think I'd have a hissy fit. LOL They are my baby girls and I think I will always see them that way. Hopefully by the time they reach 17 I'll have learned to let go a little bit?

LOL. I don't blame you. I'm my mom's oldest and only daughter, so she is way over protective of me. My step dad would hunt him down and kill him if he lived down here, even though he let his son date someone 6 years older. :blink: Why is it that guys can get away with that kind of thing? LOL.. oh well.

I can understand where she is coming from. I think if my daughter wanted to date someone 5 years older I would be hesitant. Thankfully she knows I have good judgement. My grandma and aunt fully support it though, which kind of scared me. :lol:

I see an age being an issue later on in life.

For example, say the younger one in the relationship wants to start a career before a family, well say that's 4 years university after high school, that takes you to 22. Then say you want to get your career on track and spend another 2 years working in the field, now you're 24. Which is fine to start a family but if you're married to someone who's 15 years older, they're almost 40. So the kid does end up losing some of the good times with the older parent because age prevents them from going and playing baseball or other things.

Not to mention it's really hard on the younger spouse when the older one starts to decline in health. I saw this first hand when my brother-in-law's dad died because his wife was much younger than him and had been dealing with his declining health for 10 years. Not that it isn't hard when the couple is close to the same age, it just takes years away from the relationship.

I'm not against it, but for me, I wont date anyone over 5 years older than me but that's just a personal preference, and as far as my parents are concerned, dating anyone is too much. :rolleyes:

My fiance is 9 years older than I am, so it goes without saying that I generally don't have much of a problem with relatively large differences in age. But then again, when you're older, 5+ years doesn't seem like a lot.

My fiance and I do have some concerns because of our age difference, though. He's 35 and I'm 26... I'm still in school for my PhD and haven't really started my career yet. In contrast, he's had his job for years and would be ready to have children now. But we've worked through it and we love each other, so we'll do what's best for the both of us. :)

i dated a guy that was 5 years younger than i am. and now im with a guy whos a year older than me. age doesnt matter to me at all. look at all the clebs dating people younger than them.. look at Demi moore and Ashton Kutcher. Demi is what in her 40s and Ashton is in his 20s and they are perfect for each other! and then look at Tom Cruise adn Katie Holms they are enganged and look at their age difference.

one of my fav quotes is "Age is just a number. it doesnt matter" i dont know if its famous or not but my friend Nikki says that

My daughter married a man that was 10 years older than he was BUT she was 22 when she met him and had been dating boys her age up until then. I was not so sure about this, as far as I was concerned he was too old. As it turned out he was the best thing she could have asked for. He was to a point where he was settled and had a good job. The way I looked at it was he was as immature as she was mature so they kind of met in the middle. They have been married for just over a year and she is very happy. This is one of my favourite pics from her wedding!

slrabbits- how old are you now? This is hard to answer. Before my dh I ALWAYS dated older guys. When I was 16 I was engaged to someone who was 21, and when I was 18 I was in a serious relationship with someone who was 26. However- if my daughter came home with someone that old- at that age- I'd have a problem with it. Overall I don't think age difference is a problem-but when you're young- that age difference is HUGE. Looking back I never felt "equal" with the older guys I was with. And that's what a relationship is supposed to be- a partnership.

I don't think I'd make my daughter date someone her own age though- because all of us "womenfolk" know guys our age are NEVER truly "our age."

If you want to get technical, I am a few days past being 17 and a half. :lol: I am not worried about it now. As I said, we are just friends. Yes I do like him, but in the end it might not work out. We will see, LOL.

I have to say though, he is the first guy I have liked in 4 years. My last boyfriend and I dated for 3 years, so it was kind of rough breaking up. I know it probably sounds stupid to some of the older members on her that you could actually like someone that much in 8th grade.. but I did. Since then I have kept my mind off boys. But he is the nicest guy I have met in a long time. He is sweet and funny.. we have a lot in common. But as I said, I am not going to worry about it yet. In the end he might not like me anymore than as a friend.

That's not that bad. When you said 5 years older than you...and your mom not wanting you dating anyone over 15--lol I was thinking you must be like 13! I don't think that is bad- at 17 you're starting to think more like an adult- you ARE almost an adult.

Now if you were 13--I'd say NO WAY!!! Because 13 year olds and 18 year olds are thinking totally different things.

And- I don't think 5 years would make much difference in health either as you get older.

This is a little pet-pieve of mine The guys have to be older lol One year younger is okay but I prefer older. :D

Haha, yeah my mom said I am not allowed to date anyone older than my brother (who is 15). That's not gonna happen. :lol: I don't think it's a bad difference anyway. As you said.. guys our age are never really "our age", LOL.

Man, everytime I talk to him I like him more and more (I get to see him almost every day since we work together). I always told my aunt I was only going to marry a man who would cook for me.. he told me today he LOVES to cook. That's a big plus in my book, LOL.

Y'all probably think I am a silly little girl talking about a crush. I can't help it though.. as I said I haven't even liked a guy in like, 4 years. To have someone this great right in front of me is almost like a dream.

No way! To be honest, I don't think the nervous/giddy feeling even changes as you get older...LOL. I really did still feel like a girl in middle school when I met Russ. :oops:

There are 7 years between me and my husband.
I am 21 (near 22) he is 28 (near 29).

We started dating when i was 18 and married when i was 20.

Now had i have wanted to date him when i was 17 mum would have had a hissy fit.
However, when you trun 18 your legal for everything (UK) and they could not really stop me.

Parents like to hold onto their little babies for as long as possible.
I would listen to your parents, they have a lot of life experience and are often right.

Generally when you are young, older men are after one thing only, that being sex.

Your mum and step father met when they were adults, therefore knew what they were getting into.
However a minor is easily lead astray and this will be your parents fears.

Well thanks for that lecture, LOL. But trust me, it isn't anything I haven't heard a million and one times already. :rolleyes:

How come everyone always says "When you are 17, you can't do this, this, and this. But when you turn 18 it doesn't matter anymore." Well what the heck? I am 6 months from being 18, I'm not going to put my life on hold for 6 months just so I can be that much older on paper. I can assure you that mentally I am much older than my age. I have always been, and probably always will be. That's the joy of parents making you grow up too fast.

My mom doesn't have the authority to tell me what to do anymore anyway. She no longer has guardianship of me, that was transfered to my aunt when I moved in with her. I do still ask for her opinion though, as she is still my mom.

Anyway, I'm not going to argue about it, LOL. I started this thread with the intention of getting people's opinions on age differences in dating, not telling me what they think about my "situation" and giving me advice. I would much rather go with instinct than someone elses opinion.

I'm with You nicole.. its bugs me when i get the lecture of what i can and cant do when im 17.. i think its because it their last year to boss us around. :rolleyes: lol.. when im 18 i am for surly telling my parnets about Jackson and I. and my plans to move out when im don ewith school.. can you believe that?! 7 months and my parnets dont know, lol.. anyways.. i've got the lecture when my ex was 5 years younger than me. and my friend was dating a guy who was 25 at the age of 15. talk about werid :blink: lol... i personaly dont see anything wrong in dating with age differences as age is just a number. and it doesnt matter. what matters is how much you like the person. he sounds like a great guy for you Nicole, from what you were saying! wishing yah luck so you can get him! LOL

I don't think there is anything wrong with an age difference - it shouldnt' be about age, a relationship should be based on trust and whether you both get along at the end of the day!! My husband is 5 years older than me but I don't even think about that to be honest, it's our mutual interests and our happiness that matters. Someone could be your exact age but be so much more immature, as men usually are!

LOL sooo true! LOL :D

Nicole. I felt you were very rude to me.

I simply tried to explain the situation, and at 18 i doubt many people know what they want either.

I grew up fast, learned life the hard way, it was tough but im a better person for it.
If your as mentally old as you say you are then you will see their POV too. Yhey are trying to protect you.

If you choose to live life and rush it you will get hurt, trust me i know.

At 17 you think you need to rush, but you dont. Life is too short i agree, its also to short to argue with people, esp your parents. This guy is probably just a phase, a crush, and if it is not then he will happily wait for your parents approval.

Whats for you wont go by you. Dont rush and get hurt.

Of course i am "lecturing" again so you wont listen to what i say.

But be a grown up and try to understand.

I'll stick my oar in and just say I agree life is too short to fret over guys and get upset by things parents and people say. I'm NOT patronising you, just agreeing with the above post from Shazza.

i personally dont let my parnets have a say in who i date, and who i like etc. just because its my life, not theirs. sure without them i wouldnt be here.. but still 17 is just about to 18 which at 18 you are considered an Adult. so why not start voiceing your opioins?

they still dont know about me and my boyfriend. but i am gonna tell them as its getting serious. and its been like 7 months. lol

I still dont think there needs to be a limit to the age.. i was never giving an age. i dont think... eh oh well like i lisented anyways! LOL.

Nicole i think you should go for him. she sounds sooo awesome! he kinda reminds me of my boyfriend.. but then again everything reminds me of my boyfriend! LOL :lol:

This sentence (if quote works) makes you sound like a kid.

Your parents need to be respected. We all rebel true but at the end of the day they are still your parents.

One day if you are a parent you will understand.

I can understand parents having reservations about their daughter dating someone 5 years her senior. But - I also think that parents saying their 17 year old daughter can't date anyone older than 15 is going a little overboard.

My parents were extremely overprotective about who I could and couldn't date as a teenager. They really didn't approve of anyone I wanted to date, and didn't have any specific reasons for it - they were all nice guys - they just didn't want to see their oldest daughter grow up. They even didn't like me dating Russ (now my fiance) at first, even though he's got a lot going for him - handsome, intelligent, great job, his own house, etc. But when they finally took the time to get to know him, they liked him immediately. Now they're excited about my wedding. If they had gotten their way, I'd still be dateless!

I guess my point is, I'm sure Nichole understands that her parents are just trying to look out for her. But she's 17 years old, and I tend to believe that they should put some faith in the fact that she's a mature individual, and put some trust into the fact that she was raised with the confidence and values to make good decisions. Of course, we all make mistakes, but that's part of learning. In any case, she only said she was interested in him...not that she want to elope with him. :D

Just my own personal opinion. Sorry if I went a little overboard, Nichole -- I know you didn't particularly want to talk about your own specific situation.

how does that make me sound like a little kid?!

just because i think she should be with that guy she likes?! whats wrong with that?!

i dont see anything wrong her dating that guy. if she likes him and he likes her.. why not?! isnt that what dating is about?! getting to know the person, and seeing if you guys are "right" for each other.

they are being respected. only if they make me mad is when i start to yell at them. or if they start to bug me. like loking me or talking when my fav tv show is on (RW, BB6) they just dont have a say in my body, they are agasint me getting a tattoo.. well guess what?! im getting one! they are agasint me getting more percings.. well guess what?! im getting more. and im sure they are gonna be agasint me leaving when im done with school, but i am! i do want i what to do, nothing can change my mind.

Stef: What you said was great.. i liked how you put everything and how you said it, lol

You know something. You remind me of myslef when i was younger.

I left school at 16, moved aweay from home, i was adament to move out when i was 16 and told my parents when i was 14 i would go by the age of 16. I annoyed my folks but followed my dream.

it landed me in a heap of poop.

i got a tatoo when i was 16, and got peircings and stuff, like you said, your body your choice. but are you doing this because you want to or because you want to rebel? i was rebeling.



But please dont waste time argueing and rebeling, for you never know when you wont have time to say sorry.


edited, decided against some of the context of my message.

sorry about the above.
short fuse just now and i hate the thought of others suffering like i am.

nah im getting everything done because i want it.. when i want to rebel, i'll buy stuff just because i want it. or i'll just wont do things they tell me to do. like thats how i got Cinn i rebeled agasint what my dad said, and im about to do that again buy getting my own dog. act that is how i got all of my pets.. i rebeled and i got them. i'm sorry to hear abotu your mother though. i dont really talk about cancer, or if it is brought up i just dont talk about it, as i have been hurt WAY to many times by it. so again im sorry to hear abotu your mom.

yeah i didnt mean to say all that, sorry.

how can you expect people to treat you like an adult if you talk like a child, like the rebeling stuff.

well, i hope everything works out ok for you. but remember, life is hard. things dont get handed to you on a plate, especially if you have your own place.

i act that way because i am spoiled.. i dont care i'll admit it, i am spoiled.. and when i rebel is how i get what i want. so thats what i do, or i just dont look at them, or talk to them for awhile, or i just keep bringing it up till i get.. thats just how i get what i want. because if i ask for it as i ALWAYS do ask before i can get it. and when they say no.. i'll be like fine. i'll buy it myself. and then they keep saying no, and i just stick to what i say and i'll get it! last year how i got Cinn is i would Ditch class, get in trouble a lot. and i got Cinn. :D although sometimes i rethink it as i cant even hold her! <_< but my frist two pets i just asked and i got 'em. and its the same way with fish.. but like with Nakia, we went to teh store got everything that we need. it ended up being more than i had,and my mom paid for it. because i was all sad! its all a plan.. im just spoiled like that.

Edit:
oh and i get treated like an adult.. A LOT better than how my brother does.. im sooo indepentant.. but when i dont have any money and theres something that i want.. then i ask for it.. but im all on my own.. i dont get much contact with them either.. so i get treated just how i want to be.. and NOT like a child.. like an Adult.. although they are treating me like i am 5 because i cant stay home alone anymore because of that peeper in my window <_<

*Shaz bites her tongue and reminds herself not everyone has to work hard for what they get*

We kinda went off topic didnt we Cinn.

Sorry you feel I was rude to you Shazza, but I was just stating my own opinion as you were your own. But you telling me I am making a mistake in my life when you don't know anything about my life I believe is also rude. You do not know me, do not know my personality, fact is you know nothing about me. So yes, you are right-why would I listen to a complete stranger trying to lecture me?

And for the record, if you would have actually read what I wrote, you will notice I said I never blamed my mom for saying I couldn't date anyone that old. I know she is looking out for me in the end. I never said she wasn't, and I never critized her for that other than saying in the end she cannot legally tell me what to do.

With that said, I am not saying anymore. As I said from the beginning I was not looking for people to tell me what to do or what they think about this "situation". But of course people always jump in with their two cents without reading causing things like what just happend.

my apologies Nichole. i wont say anymore either.

mmhmm

:erm:
WOW!! :thud:

WOW! I generally stay away from debates because I am pretty strong in my belief system so I don't back off :lol:

This is what I will say on the subject: I have dated someone a lot older than me when I was 20. My parents told me that I was pretty young for a 30 year old. I still dated him. I was pretty young..... :P I was his pretty package for everyone to see when he went out...... he was a creep.

Anyhow, yes, I think it sometimes can work. I also think sometimes it isn't a good idea. It really depends on the people involved.

As far as youth.... When I was 16 is a common thing to hear because we think we know it all at 16 and when you are 16 and hear that phrase it's like "NOT AGAIN!" but guess what? When you are 26 and then 36 you'll understand and probably be saying it yourself..... just like me! :lol: You can't know it all cause you haven't seen and done it all. I used to think people were generally good and honest... I found out different real quick.. I don't see young people as stupid or anything ... just sometimes they haven't the experience we old folks have..... I envy you for that really! So please don't think I am putting anyone down. Most of you are way smarter in some ways than I at that age. I was more concerned about the newest style and the boys than school then.... :wacko:

I would say that 17 is a touchy age.... only because it's illegal for him to date you at this point, Nichole. He could really get into some trouble. It used to not be so worrisome but it is now. Ask me again when you are 18 :)

Also, to everyone, debate is debate.... remember that when posting here :D You might hear things you don't like and people may be point blank.... try not to let it ruin your attitude or friendships here.... Allow it to be friendly even if someone's ideas aren't the same as yours. Debate can be debate without being rude, etc.,

I'd much rather someone be honest with me about something than to let something go they wanted to say.

Acutally in the state of Arkansas it's legal to date anyone 16 years and older. LOL.. random fact I learned in school. :blink:

But I am dropping the whole subject simply because what happens, happens. I guess we all live and learn. I trust my judgement and am not going to do anything to get myself in trouble.

Well, I stand corrected then .... I forgot about some of those crazy laws that differ state to state! :lol:

So with that.... I'll say that I think your mom really shouldn't be the one to choose for you. She's not there with you and she doesn't know the guy. That would be any guy.

I would say that if it were my daughter..... I would want someone (your aunt) to meet the young man, know about his life, job, etc., and then go from there.

If he's interested in you, he would not have a problem with someone being concerned about it.

In a general sense, I think it depends on each situation. I know girls who are 25 who aren't mature enough to deal with anything themselves....

Hehe.. you have to remember I live in Arkansas- land of the hillbilly's. I know people in High School already married with kids. It's insane, LOL. :wacko:

But I do agree with you on what you said. :)

:thud: Oh dear, kids having kids..... that's a new debate huh? :lol: