I thought I'd open it in a seperate topic.
Well everyone knows I'm a loose woman who lives with my partner of two years and I'm going to fiddlesticks for it... so I may as well do all the naughty things I can if I'm going anyway! :lol:
Okay, I don't really believe that, but I think it's better to live with and know someone inside out before making a commitment to them like marriage.
Marriage to me, means it's for life... for me to make such a lifelong commitment I think I need to know what a person is like in all ways.
Also, I don't even believe that people SHOULD even get married if they don't want to! I think people can choose to live their lives how they want to, as long as they don't hurt others.
My neighbours have been together for 11 years and have an 8 year old daughter, but never felt the need to get married... and I don't blame them, you could buy a house with the cost of a wedding nowadays! :blink:

your so funny Del... :lol:
Well i am married now.. But i lived with my husband for 3 years before we got married. I think you have to live with someone to really see if you can get along with them on a daily basis. its really important. Today isnt like years ago when two people met and were forced to marry and get along with each other and all was happy. That was great then. But now is a whole other world. Women are very much in control of their lives now. taking jobs, being evry independent and not being the little housewives they used to be. Its tough to get along with someone now when you live in a different world. marrage is not easy. It takes alot of work. And sometimes people just cant make it work. And thats really ok.
If you dont want to get married you dont have to. People can live together without the whole legal thing. Its really just a matter of choice. Why do you need a piece of paper leagally binding you to someone.....I think it is totally acceptable... ;)

I have no problem with premarital relations, considering i was sleeping with my now hubby at 14... he was also my first so i guess it works out. what i have a problem with is people who arent together long, dont even know where the relationship is going and get pregnant... then get married on top of it because 'its the right thing to do' (our best friend did just that, and his wife is a B****, we cant even see him :( :angry: ). I also dont like it when people get married after only knowing each other for a few months. My neighboor/ex friend knew her husband for 6 months before they got married. they got married because she didnt believe in sex before marriage, 6 months after they got married she got pregnant (pressure from their families), and now he cheats on her. they've been married for about 2 years now. I told her he cheats and she yelled at me, and thinks i was lying. Whatever, we'll see what she says when she finds him in bed with someone else (i feel soo sorry for their son :( ).

So, yeah, premarital sex is sometimes neccesary...

BTW, Shawn and i we're together for almost 3 years before we got married, we only lived together for about 4.5 months, but we both knew we didnt want to live without the other (aww, how sweet ::throws up:: )

Also, my parents were married for almost 10 years when they got divoced, my mom said she never wanted to marry again and hasn't, shes had a livein bf for about 8-9 years. My dad would like to get married, but his gf doesn't, theyve been living together for about 10 years. To each their own.

Took my sister 12 years to decide to get married to the guy she'd been with all that while. They then had my newphew and then after another four years, finally got arond to marrying! And yes....they are still married today. Newphew is 16 now!!!! :D

I wasn't kidding when I said I'd write a novel about the 'M' word :P
I did write down some thoughts on that subject The 'M' Word (for anyone who has some time to kill)

Marriage has a whole lot of legal consequences, most of which you'll never spend a thought on - until the marriage is over and you find yourself in all sorts of predicaments. I see NO reason why 2 people shouldn't have a loving, caring and trusted relationship without government (law) and church (another form of government) getting involved. And IF they decide at any point in time that it just isn't worth the effort anymore (and the effort is the same, whether there's a certificate involved or not) they should be free to walk their separate ways.

There. That's my two bits :lol:

I'll read the thread later, i havent any time right now, but i read ang's post and one thing caught my eye:

Does this little girl know about it? How would she feel if she didnt and suddenly found out, perhaps from someone besides her parents. I dont think it is good for her, because if her parents were married they would feel more bound to stay together, perhaps helping to prevent her from having to choose between parents.

Nicely said. (i thought it'd be longer than that, lol.)

I know many people say this and dont follow through, but we have an agreement that *if* we ever get divorced (a.)we will be civil, especially if we have kids. and (b.) i wont take his truck if he doesn't try to take mine. It also depends on the circumstances surrounding the divorce, if its infedelity, the cheater leaves, only gets to take their vehicle(s) and clothes. If it's just differences then we have to split everything.
Easier said than done, i know...

We've also mentioned that we'd probably never actually divorce. If anything we'd seperate... divorce is so messy.

I feel the same way. I know a couple who got pregnant and were married because of it. They now have two daughters, one is 1 1/2 years old and the other is 6 months. They fight CONSTANTLY...I swear, every single time I visit, they yell at each other about *something*. I can respect them choosing to get married because they believe that by doing so, they hopefully will provide the child with a healthy, loving environment. However, judging by how much they argue in front of their kids, it may turn out to be less healthy for their kids than if they were to just have stayed unmarried (in my personal opinion).


I don't have a problem with premarital sex in most cases....Delph's and Aloha's included. Heck, my fiance and I spend the night together on a regular basis, lol. Just as long as it's done responsibly, I think it's fine.

I know a girl (let's call her Rose) who's had a "friends with benefits" type of relationship with a guy for a few months. A couple of weeks ago, he told Rose that he was interested in starting a serious relationship with another girl, and that Rose needed to move her things out of his apartment. Of course, Rose was totally distraught.

I just don't get how people think they can honestly be "friends with benefits" and not feel jealousy/anger/sadness when their partner decides he or she is ready for someone else. It really just perplexes me.

Ah, i am so amused by the amount of people who i bump into from school who are shocked im married and ask if its because i was "up the duff" yet i have no kids.

I know i mentioned wedlock in the previous thread. I guess this is the commitment factor. As long as yur man is commited and will support you then living with your partner is fine.

My parents are strict christians, hence why me and scott married so quickly. but i guess if you know he is the one, that will not change.

The fighting definately is doing damage. My parents fought alot when they were married (divorced when i was 6), and now i have issues in my marriage from that. my dad was abusive to us, and in turn i am verbally abusive to my precious hubby (trying to stop, its soo not right.) and if im mad enough i'll throw things, sometimes at him, sometimes at the wall or floor. Parents do more damage then they think. lmao, the best part is my dad thinks he was a good father...yeah..ok..

The most ironic part of our friend's situation is his parents stayed married because of him. As soon as he was 18 his father left his mom. Its so sad to see him do the same thing to his daughter. I dont care what he says to us, we know him, we can see that he's not happy and it breaks our hearts :'(. Someday we're kidnapping him... :ph43r: :innocent:

Right - much easier said than done.

You know I had another thought, Alan (my partner for the past 6 years) and I were talking about that just a couple of weeks ago: It is SO difficult to find the right partner at a young age. In your early 20s most don't even know who they really are yet, much less can define 'happiness' and the things they really want/need in life.

My parents divorced when i was 7. I think it was best thing for them. I would never ever want to see them stay together for my sake. Thats just stupid. They fought but never to the point of where it effected me.
Unfortunatly sometimes people make mistakes and even when there are kids involved i think the best thing to do is to not stay together just for the sake of the kids. especially if they see you fight all the time. thats not showing them what marriage is.
What i dont understand is why some of these people who get divorced will hate and say the most horrible things about their ex mate. They once loved this person enough to marry them and sometimes have children. how can you have such hateful feelings for someone you once loved that much. its so weird. and only makes it hard for the kids.. especially if one parent is always talking bad about the other one...

know whats really funny...? I'm 20, married (very happily, most of the time lol.) but i *hate* hearing about other couples our age that are plannig on getting married. Being married at our age is fine for us, but not everyone. we knew what we were getting into when we chose to marry young, but we truly believe that we are 'meant to be together' (ironicly one of our songs is playing on the radio while i'm typing this.... creepy...). we went through sooo much just to be together (his mom, my dad, jail, hundreds of miles... nothing can keep us from each other.)we knew that this was right for us.

we have a friend named Kris, we've known him forever, we love him, but he idolizes our relationship. He even got himself into a similar relationship, and i *know* that he thinks that they are like us... they're not, not even close. Last i heard from him they wanted to get married, i really hope they didn't. She's nice, but they haven't been together long enough (imo) to decide that. When shawn and i started discussing marriage we knew that we had another 3 years before i could even make that decision. ALOT can happen in 3 years. They had a few months... (and 2 pregnancy scares, and a statatory rape charge...) not even close to our relationship....

**Moral of the story** Follow your own path, dont do something because someone else does/did. Whats good for the goose isn't always good for the gander (or however that saying goes...)

Well, I don't condone sex out of wedlock. My opinion comes from my faith.

I can see I'm probably the odd man out... :innocent:

i could say some stuff.. but im still to young to act know how i feel about this im still just 17.. maybe after a year passes i'll know were i stand.. lol

Well, I don't believe in having sex with just anyone.

I wouldn't do it with like random people haha.

I was with my boyfriend a year before we did anything, now we've been together 3 years, I feel like I am pretty much married to him... lol.

We have our fights, he can be a real a##hole to me and I know I can certainly be the biggest biotch to him.... but if I think about the 3 years together, we definitely get along more than we fight, and we always make up afterwards...

So, I dunno... right now we're just both having money problems and I think we just kinda take it out on eachother, I know I'm one to start b*tching at the first person I see if I'm mad...


We have our wedding date planned for June 23rd 2007, I'll be be 22 turning 23 that year.... I think thats an okay age. My mom got married when she was young. She'd still be married if my daddy didn't die ...

My mom thinks I'll marry my boyfriend, despite the way we fight sometimes, we always seem to make it through.

Well.... that's my 2 cents.... now that you all know Im not a virgin... lmao!

Yes, I imagine she does, they're a very laid back family - I can't see it being something they're ashamed of, so they won't keep it from her! She's also a very happy little girl! I don't see why a marriage certificate should keep them together if they didn't love each other. My parents were married for 11 years and split up when I was 9. The certificate didn't keep them together!

I think that you can only hate someone so much because you loved them at one time... To be so hurt by the one person you love so much can be devastating. I had to go through it with my dad (the maternal body, as I call her, was a serial cheater) and he didn't get over it... he still hates her! And I don't blame him coz I do too! That's only my kind of explanation though... :unsure:

A friend of mine who was twice divorced and had two kids, lived with #3 boyfriend for 17 years. They finally got married.....BIG wedding.....the marriage lasted 2 years, they are now divorced. Neither one was cheating on the other, but we still have no idea why they got divorced.

I got married the first time when I was 19, the marriage lasted 3 years and it was HORRIBLE. We did not *know* each other well enough, and eventually found out we had very little in common. I was single a lonnnng time before I married my current husband. My husband and I have been very happily married for 15 years. This is a second marriage for both of us.

I hope my daughter stays single until she's in her 30s.....hopefully by then she'll be mature enough. :rolleyes:

Amen to that! I hope the same for my daughter (or even forget about the whole marriage thing altogether).

I was no way near mature enough (at 22) to know who I was/would become, what I wanted and how to get it. I had NO business marrying the ex-a$$hole (sorry for the term of endearment) as we had nothing in common. I learned 11years later that I had no clue who he was and what he was capable of. Which in turn opened up a whole new set of issues; it forced me to take a hard look at myself, find out why I chose to ignore rather than confront, etc. etc.

Did I say I love my bun?....... :innocent:

OK firstly i have no personal experience in this matter...i'm just basically a kid.

No, marrige doesnt secure peoples relationships anymore, not nearly as much as it should. Marrige was designed by God, for two people (male and female) to grow in relationship with each other and to help each other through difficulties and to grow in their faith together. Also for the sex thing, also designed by God for a married couple.

My parents dont get along great, because mainly of my mom's anxiety difficulties, but dad realizes that God put him in her life to help her. He has told me that if when us kids are out of the house she is still like that, he will likely seperate, but not divorce. They'd both be happier that way for the most part. But he still loves her. And she still loves him.

Sure, i dont agree with people getting married after the fact, just because they had a kid if they feel that they werent meant for each other. certainly a child brought up well by just one parent or by grandparents is better than by parents that fight or a houseful of tension.

I dont know that living together without having union is wrong.

That's really sad. But i agree with you. yeah i know that there have always been prostitutes or immoral people but generally a respected person up untill 100? 150? 200 years ago wouldnt ever have sex out of marrige. The community would be stunned. What happened? People really dont take marrige seriously now. It is still a serious matter in the eyes of its designer.

(LOL btw not condemning anyone here!!!)

I did not read this whole post but here it goes. My cousin Brittany through her life in the trash about 3 yrs ago. First she called her drug mother and told her to pick her up. They moved into Dallas about 4 hrs from here and her father. Then we found out she thought she might be pregnant from her boyfriend. False alarm. Then CPS took her from her mother when they found out they were dealing drugs out of the house. She then ran away from her father and went back to dallas to live with her 6 month boyfriend. She is planning on getting married as soon as her mother gets out of Jail. Only one parent has to sign for it to be legal. She is 16. Then she is hoping she gets pregnant. It is killing her dad (my cousin) but she does not care. We try not to talk to her anymore.

But since I am not an adult, and have never had a boyfriend I can't say if I believe one way or another about marriage, sex, babies, or anything like that.