BEER DRINKING 101 FOR BEGINNERS

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
*********
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
********
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to the bar.
********
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
*******
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
*******
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house training.
*******
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of an empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
*******
SYMPTOM: Ceiling moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
*******
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
*******
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth!

Did you write this, Pat? I love articles like this. I've always tried to read as many humor articles as possible.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Best part.

This was funny.

Well,.....I could Fib, but I won't. No, I didn't write it but I wish I had.
This is just something I found somwhere. Had it in my Directory of FUN STUFF.
I like funny things alot too. Glad you got a giggle, surge.
Have a nice day,
Pat