Although I can't claim credit for the following. I read it on the internet...it's got to be true:
"Now before any of my reich-wing readers start emailing me snotty remarks asking how a simpleton like Bush could possibly manipulate the earth's tectonic plates, let me assure you that it's EXACTLY the question I asked myself. It's the question we all should be asking - no matter how terrifying the answer might be. Lucky for all of us, I was gifted with a logical and analytical mind, and have embarked on a lifelong journey to uncover the Truth, even if it means coming off like a paranoid lunatic who exploits human suffering for political gain.
As any free-thinking Democratic Underground member would, I naturally suspected Bush's refusal to sign Kyoto was the root cause of yesterday's cataclysm. But as I dug deeper and began linking completely unrelated events together with unsubstantiated rumors, urban legends, and drug-induced fantasies, I soon realized that there was something far more sinister at work here. By the end of the day, I had compiled and printed hundreds of DU articles and alt.sex newsgroup threads proving Shrub's complicity in the disaster. After subtracting any right-wing lies that conflicted with my hypothesis, I would send everything to truthout or the New York Times, so that future generations of progressives would be informed and hopefully spared another reichpublican-caused catastrophe. Then, in a moment of euphoria, I accidentally knocked over my bong and ruined all my carefully-crafted documented evidence. So you'll just have to take my word for it.
April 12, 2001. After the Indonesian government condemns Bush's Iraq policy, The World Bank (at which George H. W. Bush once had a savings account) cancels a $300 million loan to Indonesia, destroying the tiny nation's fragile economy and condemning millions to a slow death by starvation.
October 30, 2001: In an act reminiscent of the Boston Tea Party, a group of romantic freedom fighters known as the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) attack and sink an oil tanker off the coast of Sri Lanka. Millions of gallons of petrol are dumped into the sea. Enron CEO Jeff skilling resigns as stocks plummet 89%. Halliburton stock drops 67%. A federal investigation is launched into the financial activities of both companies.
July 24, 2002: Sri Lankan Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe meets with U.S. peeResident George W. Bush in Washington to apologize for the loss of the oil, and to seek his support in the eradication of the peaceloving Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam.
October 22, 2003. Bush visits Indonesia, home of the world's largest Muslim population, under the guise of offering the nation education funding in return for support in his War on Terror. In secret, he strikes a deal with President Megawati to construct a pipeline from his oil rich country to refineries in Sri Lanka. In return, the World Bank would secure a loan for the developing country in the amount of $300 million.
July 17, 2004. Halliburton Indonesia is awarded a three year contract to provide temperature setting technology for oil pipelines.
November 2, 2004: Prime Minister Wickremesinghe of Sri Lanka meets with Bush and consents to the plan, but worries that the peaceloving Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam might try to sabotage the pipeline. Bush assures him that the Tigers will cease to be a problem as soon as Sri Lanka endorses his unholy "War on Terror".
November 5, 2004: The Sri Lankan Prime Minister issues gushing praise of Bush, declaring, "You have given hope to many countries in the world that are saddled with the menace of terrorism."
December 17, 2004: Indonesia, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc., receives a World Bank loan in the sum of $300 million.
Now all of Dumbya's ducks are in a row. Only one thing stands in his way of gaining complete control of South Asia's oil - the Nicobar Islands. If one draws a straight line from Indonesia to Sri Lanka, they'll find it dissects the southernmost tip of the Nicobar Archipelago, specifically Great Nicobar Island. India claims dominion of the Islands, yet the superior Chinese Navy has exerted influence on the surrounding waters for years. Bush may be an imperialist aggressor bent on world domination, but he won't bully someone who can fight back. So in order for his pipe-dream to be fulfilled, he'd have to either build it around the Nicobars or move the entire island of Sumatra southwest 100 feet.
December 25, 2004. An earthquake measuring 9.0 on the richter scale strikes deep in the Indian ocean, moving the entire island of Sumatra 100 feet southwest and sending 50' tidal waves crashing into Indonesia and Sri Lanka. Thousands of muslims die in Indonesia alone, saving Bush the trouble of bombing them. Thousands more perish as waves hit the poor fishing villages of Tamil, where dwell the peaceloving Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam. In the wake of the disaster, thousands of Christian missionaries posing as "relief workers" descend upon South Asia to convert the survivors. Bush and his cronies, in a thinly-veiled effort to hide their involvement in the catastrophe, pledge over $15,000,000 in aid.
We must not let them succeed. For every dollar the reich-wing digital brownshirts give to so-called "disaster relief funds", we'll donate two to cancel it out. For every proselytizing Jesusfreak the U.S. sends to bible-thump the brown-skinned heathens, we'll send two more godless liberals to officiate at gay Indonesian weddings. Together, we'll send the Shrub a clear message that his plans for global conquest through controlled earthquakes will not succeed without a collective hissy fit of biblical proportions."
I disagree Oliver..... You DESERVE full credit for this.
Thanks. I always suspected you were still alive. Now I know for sure.
like we all say: its all about oil.
now I have heard it all. must be some pretty good pot, they call that a head rush
'woah, man. I just had a brainstorm, lemme write this down before I forget.'
send it to hollywood, maybe they will make a science fiction out of it.