Title: Underneath It All

Number of Parts: 1

Category: Angst/UST/Tag/Songfic(ish)

Age: 13

Pairings: S/J

Spoilers: Entity, Chimera, Death Knell, Heroes 1, Heroes 2.

Synopsis: Tag to Heroes; Sam contemplates a few things.

Author Notes: Well, this is something that kept nagging at me until I wrote it. So I did. The song that I’ve used is ‘Underneath It All’ by No Doubt. I just thought that the lyrics were so appropriate to Jack that the cranial spiders that are my muse (don’t ask) felt the need to feed me this story.

It’s a little different to anything else I’ve written, so please let me know what you think of this attempt at a different style. Here’s hoping you like! :D Written February '04



DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

~~~~~~

Oh the lines in Bold are the lines from the song. It’s a beautiful song. From an excellent album (well, the No Doubt greatest hits album, I’ve never heard the ’Rock steady’ album…oh, and this is based on the live acoustic version, so it doesn’t have the lyrics by Lady Saw.)

Unbeta’ed (We’re ahead of the Americans for a change! :D) so the mistakes belong to me, and the spell checker on my computer.

Anyway, Enjoy.

~~~~~

Sam Carter glanced at the man sat in the seat next to her, eyes flickering almost immediately back to the dashboard in front of her. Although he had been cleared to go home he was still so dosed up on pain meds that there had been no way that he would be cleared to drive himself home. She suspected that the only reason he had managed to remain standing through the memorial service had been the slightly-more-than-prescribed dose of tablets she’d seen him down shortly before. God knew there was no other way that he would have actually taken the pain relief.

Make a change for Janet- Sam killed the thought where it stood, grief knifing her insides viscously and tears sprang to her eyes once more.

Sniffing and wiping at her eyes she realised that she must have caught Jack’s attention because he turned and looked at her, his own eyebrows knotted in anguish. He reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder, silently telling her that he missed her too for all of his lack of outward emotion.

She pulled steadily out of the parking space and started to manoeuvre towards the checkpoint.

“How’s Cass?” Jack asked gruffly.

“She’s…a wreck. She’s staying with a friend for a while…I think I remind her too much of what Janet died for.” Her voice caught in her throat, the grief still raw.

She slowed and crept past the departing Camera crew, giving the Airmen a curt nod.

“Hammond wants me to co-operate and do a piece for them.” Jack gestured half-heartedly at them. Sam nodded. Their silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was the raging, tumultuous silence of two family members who had just lost one of their own.

“They did a really good job of it, in the end.”

“I know.”

~”Anyone ever tell you that opposites attract?”~ It had nearly been two of her friends who had died that day. She was really glad he was okay.

There’s times when I want something more; someone more like me.


Another tear slipped down her face and she noticed that her hands were shaking as she pulled up to the checkpoint, handing her pass back to the guard. She took a deep breath to steady herself and concentrated on the road ahead of her.

“Stay with me.” His voice was quiet…unsure.

“What?”

“Tonight. I…I don’t want to be on my own.” His voice was cracking. Sam knew that it must have taken a lot for him to admit that.

“Uh, sure,” she breathed, thanking the heavens and suspecting that it was as much for her as for him that he asked. “I’ll need to drop home and grab a few things.”

“Right.”

When they pulled up outside her house a short while later Jack moved to unclip his seat belt and climb out with her but stopped when a sharp pain from his side made his gasp.

“You know what, I think I’ll just stay here.” Sam managed a ghost of her usually dazzling grin and climbed out, leaving him in silence. Letting herself into the house she walked quickly around, grabbing a few things for an overnight stay and a change in the morning. A bag slung over her shoulder she headed for the door, pausing to look wistfully at a photo for a moment before reaching for the door.

“Pete!” She was surprised, to say the least, to see him stood there, a goofy grin on his face.

“That’s my name.”

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? Its Friday…we agreed that I would come down for the weekend.”

“It…it is?” Pete raised an eyebrow as she looked at her watch in surprise.” Look Pete, I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to take a rain check.” His face darkened visibly.

“What? Why?”

“Look, now isn’t a good time Pete. The Colonel’s injured and he can’t drive.”

“You really expect me to believe that? He looks fine to me. I’m a detective Sam…you already know that I know when I’m being lied to, and you don’t need an over-night bag to drop someone home.” Sam’s face was a vision of thunder.

“What is your problem?” Great, just what she needed on top of everything else.

“He’s my problem. Are you having an affair with him or something? Because most Colonels don’t have their male team mates to stay overnight just because they…broke a nail or something.”

There’s times when this dress rehearsal seems incomplete.

“How dare you…? Most teams don’t risk their lives for each other every day.” Tears sparkled in her eyes. “Most teams haven’t died for each other.” She could feel trickles of wetness streaming down their face. She was shouting now, advancing on Pete and making him retreat up the path. “The people I work with are my family, and a member of that family – one of my best friends - was killed trying to save another mans life days ago and you come here and accuse me of sleeping with my CO?” A few of her neighbours were giving her strange looks but she no longer cared.

“God Sam, I’m sorry.”

“Well sorry isn’t good enough. I can deal with you running a background check on me but this was just too much.” Pete looked surprised at the mention of the background check.

“You didn’t honestly think that a background check on a member of such a hugely classified project wouldn’t raise a few flags?” Pete jumped out of his skin at Jacks icy murmur from right behind him. He’d got out of the car when he’d heard Sam shouting, wondering if she would need some help. The tall man was leaning heavily on the car, one hand clasped to his side. A few spots of blood could be seen aver a wide area across his tan T-shirt, slowly getting larger.

“I-I-I…sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Go. And don’t come back.” Anyone who couldn’t understand, or accept the relationship she had with any member of her team – especially when they knew the truth about what she did for a living – wasn’t good enough.

“Sam-“ A single look was all he needed and he murmured ‘sorry’ again one last time as he left.

“Sir, you’re bleeding. We need to change the dressing.”

“I got out of the car a little too fast. I’ll do it when we get home.”

“No, it needs doing now.”

“Carter-“

“Sir. Now. I really don’t want blood all over my seats.” She looked up at him and they locked eyes. He may have been her CO and he may have been several inched taller, pounds heavier, stronger and have a higher hand-to-hand combat training but, where it mattered she would not back down. She may appear to be the good little soldier, following every regulation without thought but he knew that she would do what she had to.

But you see the colours in me like no one else.

"Alright, but can we at least go inside?” Sam grimaced.

“Not really. I shut my keys inside.”

“And the spares are on the base?” Sam nodded, “Murphy really seems to have it in for me this week,” he sighed. “Get it over and done with then before the spectators appear.”

“Sorry.” She grabbed the supplies from the back seat and placed them on the bonnet of the car, next to where Jack was sat, eyes squeezed shut.

“S’ok,” he bit off the comment as she pulled the sticky red dressing off, exposing the nasty mess of burns, bruises and welts.

“Cool!” Jack opened an eye to see a young girl stood with a bike, watching with the morbid fascination that only children and the criminally insane can manage.

He recognised her as the same girl who had stood and commented when he’d brought Sam back after her encounter with the super-soldier at the alpha site. It seemed that she really looked up to Sam. “How’d you get that?”

“A piece of equipment exploded in the mountain.” He lied. The girl gave him a ‘yeah right’ look and opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off by an older woman.

“Kat?”

“Yeah Mom?”

“Dinner’s-Oh, I’m sorry.” She stopped short at the sight of Sam applying the large dressing over his wound, pressing the tape down as firmly as she dared, gaining an involuntary wince. “Are you alright?”

“Just peachy.”

“Sorry Mary,” Sam told her, pulling the surgical gloves off and wrapping them in the papers from the dressing. “I’ve shut myself out and the Colonel needed his dressing changed.”

“Oh, will you be okay, do you need me to call the locksmith.” The woman seemed slightly skittish and she stood defensively in front of her daughter.

“No, thank you, I’ll be staying away tonight and I have spare keys on the base.”

“On the base…you work for the army up at Cheyenne Mountain?” Mary had only moved in a few weeks ago…just in time to see Sam’s spectacularly bad state after she’d nearly died at the Alpha site. Mary looked more than a little nervous and she frowned at this new information and put two and two together, somehow coming up with 11.

“Air Force actually.”

“Oh.” She looked at the pair with more than a little disdain and disapproval.

“Come on Major, we need to get home.” Jack interrupted pointedly, moving slowly back towards the car. Sam nodded, concern flickering over her face.

“If you’ll excuse us,”

“Of course. I hope you feel better soon Mr. Carter-“

“Colonel O’Neill.” Jack cut her off sharply.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jack nodded curtly; it was obvious that she wasn’t really.

“See you soon Major Sam.” The young girl shot her a fairly good salute, grinning when Sam returned it, much to Mary’s disapproval.

“Bye Kat,” Sam climbed in the car and pulled away, her smile fading far too quickly.

“Cute kid, shame about her mother.”

“Sir?”

“Oh come on…it was obvious she didn’t approve and she was looking down on you the entire time.”

Sam grunted noncommittally in reply.

Contrary to popular belief Jack wasn’t a dumb, hard-ass colonel with all the manners and culture of a rhino; that was just what he wanted people to think. It was a defence mechanism. Those people who knew him knew that he was intelligent, observant and his eyes were the key to what he was feeling. Those people were only the people that he chose to let in and it was only they that knew that behind the tough-man façade he felt things as deeply as everyone else did.

Those people were few and almost all were based at the Cheyenne Mountain Complex.

And behind your dark glasses you’re someone else.

When they arrived at Jacks house she parked and entered the house, dumping her bag by the door before following him into the lounge. His act of needing help was gone now. He’d only needed it as an excuse to get away from the infuriatingly narrow-minded and judgmental Mary. Instead of sitting on the sofa as she expected though she moved to stand with him by the fireplace, focusing on the photo of Janet and Cassie, taken at one of his barbecues.

“She didn’t deserve to die. She was only trying to help for gods’ sake.” Jack exclaimed harshly.

Sam couldn’t find her voice, the seeming betrayal of Pete on top of Janet’s death, and Jack’s almost death had tipped her emotional balance once again and she found herself crying again. She wiped at the tears, wishing that she would stop breaking down like this at the slightest memory but knowing that it would continue until she had put things into perspective and started t accept the harsh reality. It had been the same when Her mother died, when Daniel had died…it would have been the same if Jack had died.

She suddenly found herself enveloped in Jack’s arms, for the second time in as many days. Instead of composing herself and cutting the comfort short as she had done in the infirmary a few days ago, conscious of their working relationship she allowed herself to give in and cry openly, finding release in it.

The comfort was only heightened by the knowledge that he would be there for her despite the problems that their closeness could bring within the Airforce.

You’re really lovely underneath it all. You want to love me underneath it all. I’m really lucky underneath it all.

When she had first met Colonel O’Neill she had thought him arrogant, uncaring, prejudiced and thick-skinned. It had not been long before she had found that he was the opposite.

There had been more than one occasion over the years when he had made her unbelievably angry, or when he had been a not-so-perfect friend.

His long record of insubordination was testament to his tendency to shoot his mouth off and to refuse to take crap from anyone, regardless of rank or superiority.

You know some real bad tricks and you need some discipline.

She’d also found that he had become a softer person, less closed off to the world. Sam suspected that this was the influence of their own errant archaeologist and personal trouble magnet. She’d also been amazed by his diplomacy recently, even given his ingrained morals and aversion to corrupt senators and NID agents.

But lately you’ve been trying real hard and giving me your best.

When her sobs finally died down he took a step backwards and looked at her with a half smile.

“You made me T-shirt all wet.” She rewarded him with a half-sob half-laugh, smiling despite herself.

“It goes well with the blood.”

“Point. I guess I should go change then. You want a drink or anything?”

“A drink would be nice. Shall I order some takeaway?”

“Sure, leaflets are on the fridge, your choice.” He moved off to his bedroom, “grab me a beer while you’re there will you?”

“Sir, should you-“

“Carter, I haven't popped any pills in over 6 hours, I don’t need any.” Sam rolled her eyes but complied nonetheless, snagging one for herself. Given his high pain threshold and the fact that all he would be doing would be sleeping anyway the beer would probably be more effective.

“Chinese?” She asked when he re-appeared, confirming that her choice had been right, his grin confirming what she needn’t have asked…she already knew Chinese was his favourite. It was why she had picked it. That and she happened to be rather partial to it herself.

They moved back to the lounge and sank into the sofa, emotionally and physically exhausted. When they finally talked, after a few moments of silence they talked about Janet, remembering her fondly and mourning her sadly.

“That’ll be the takeaway,” Sam commented when the doorbell rang, rising to her feet and motioning for Jack to stay where he was. “You; stay. You need to rest.”

“Yes Ma’am.” He replied sardonically, secretly glad that he wouldn’t have to move.

Paying and tipping the delivery girl she returned with the food, returning via the kitchen with two more beers.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re gift from god?” he took the beer and took a swig, raising it to her in salute.

“Which one?”

“Inebriety…that would have to be Hathor.” Sam smiled wistfully, remembering the fiery woman who ah helped her lead an attack against the drugged-up men of the base.

“To Janet.” She tipped her bottle towards him, clinking glass against glass.

“May the Napoleonic Power-monger rest in peace.”

The thought that beer was inadequate to salute their friend with briefly crossed Sam’s mind but was immediately usurped by the realisation that beer was a drink of friends. No matter the amount of expensive champagne it would seem like a detached, hollow sentiment compared with the warm, friendliness she always associated with beer.

They continued to remember their friend for a long time, talking about her and any topic that it lead to, for once feeling no constraints on their friendship and able to talk freely and easily until they fell asleep on the sofa, exhaustion catching up on them.

Sam awoke slowly, feeling hugely rested and unbelievably comfortable. She wasn’t sure when but at some point they had shifted so that she now lay with her back to the arm rest, Jack’s head resting on her stomach, his body between her legs and feet dangling over the opposite armrest.

And you give me the most gorgeous sleep that I’ve ever had.

She assumed that the rather strange – though comfortable – seating arrangement had been chosen because it took the pressure off of Jack’s wounds and she was loathe to move and disturb him.

She glanced at her watch, surprised to see that it was 09:00 already. She must have underestimated just how much grief took out of them. It was a good job that they weren’t due on base for another two days…a combination of compassionate leave and healing time.

Glancing down at Jack she smiled at the peaceful look on his face, giving in to the urge to reach out and stroke the silver-grey hair that stuck up in all directions. After a few minutes she noticed his breathing change and realised that he was awake. Pulling her hand back self-consciously she batted away the brief feeling of guilt for waking him, realising that if they slept all afternoon then neither would sleep during the night.

“Don’t stop, its nice.” She could hear the smile in his voice and a glance down confirmed it, though his eyes were still shut. With a smile of her own she reached out and resumed stroking the soft hair. A few minutes later she paused, listening intently.

“Someone just pulled up in a car,” she told him.

“I know. I thought it was just me that was hyper-aware.” He quipped with a smirk.

“Yeah, well…you pick up habits from the people around you.”

“Indeed.”

“See.”

“What? Oh…”

A few minutes later and they had both drifted off again, Sam’s parting thoughts were that she had her family and friends, and with them she could manage anything.

And when it’s really bad it’s not all that bad.

“Jack?” Daniel’s voice drifted into the room, pushing its way into Sam’s sleep clouded mind. The footsteps crept a little closer. “Good job I had a ke- Oh, hello. Found him Teal’c.”

“Is he well?” Footsteps. “He is.”

“Hello Spacemonkey.” Jack’s voice was a quiet rumble, vibrating through her body.

“Jack! I thought you were asleep.”

“It appears he is not.”

“Neither am I,” Sam supplied for them, disentangling her hands from Jack’s hair and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Morning.” She thought she would have been at least a little embarrassed at being caught in a compromising position with her CO but she wasn’t.

“Afternoon, actually.”

“Already?” Sam felt Jack tense as he rose from his seat, swing his legs sideways to sit normally.

“Yeah…its 1:24.”

“Right. So to what do we owe the pleasure?” Jack asked, yawning.

“Well we hadn’t heard from you or Sam and you were supposed to check in with General Hammond so…”

“Damn. Knew there was something I’d forgotten. I’ll phone him in a few. Who’s up for breakfast…lunch?”

A quick phone call later and they were changing and getting ready to head out for food.

Jack fell back just as they were about to go through the door, grabbing Sam’s and briefly. He looked at her enquiringly for a moment and she gave him a bright smile and a squeeze of the hand in reply. It translated as ‘are you okay with this?’ and ‘I’m more than fine with it, but it was sweet of you to check’.

You’re really lovely underneath it all. You want to love me underneath it all. I’m really lucky underneath it all.

Sat in the waffle house eating their food Sam mused briefly on all of the experiences she had shared with these people, with all of the places she had been. Sometimes they had come back better than ever. Other times they had come back barely walking or believing that one of their number was lost to the forever. But they always made it back eventually, together.

So many moons that we have seen, stumbling back next to me.

**************

SG1 were back in action. Fully healed with the exception of another little gash to add to the collection in their hearts they were back on track and stepping forwards, Janet’s memory firmly entrenched in their souls.

Their first mission back in the field was a milk run, much to the Colonels chagrin, with only a few ruins to occupy them, which meant that three of their number were bored out of their minds.

“How much longer Daniel?”

“Just a little Jack, this is really amazing…” Jack rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed at the man who was a little-brother-cum-son to him.

“C’mon Danny, you’ve had hours already, can’t you hurry it up a little? Take some rocks with you…”

“The General’s not expecting us for another…five hours. That’s when I’ll be finished. Sam chuckled at Jacks forlorn look and stretched, yawning widely.

“Not bored are we Carter?”

“Of course not, Sir.” The effect was somewhat diminished by the next yawn to contort her face. “Okay, maybe a little.”

Jack snorted and raised an eyebrow before climbing to his feet and sitting beside her, leaning against the wall with her, both of them facing out of the roofless room, eyes scanning the horizon for any indication of trouble.

“Rock paper scissors?” Sam looked at him incredulously and he shrugged, “It’ll occupy our minds.” Sometimes she’d swear the man was telepathic…time to think was not something that any of them really needed right now, and the childish game would stop their minds wandering but still allow them to watch for trouble.

“Sure why not.” They shifted to face each other at an angle, shifting their line of site to cover the opposite line of sight to their previous one. A few seconds later Sam gave a triumphant shout, her Paper having beaten his Rock. Inside the room Teal’c raised an eyebrow at Daniel, who shrugged and went back to work.

Sam grinned at Jack, holding her hands in a scissors shape.

“You’re so cheating!”

“I am not!”

“You are! I bet in astrophysicists school they teach you the key to always winning this game.”

“Yeah, it’s right up there with the meaning of life, the universe and everything.”

“42.”

“Jack, can I have a little extra time please? I’ve just-“ Daniel was cut off by Jack’s happy exclamation,

“Time is an illusion.”

“Lunch time doubly so.” Sam finished for him, the puzzled silence that followed demonstrating that Daniel clearly had not read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

“Hey, you think we should write our own Guide to the Galaxy…?” Sam smiled and laughed at him, listening to his comments, and ideas, adding a few of her own as he rambled on.

If any of the people who had known her seven years ago had seen her now they would have been surprised to see how much she had changed, how she had become more relaxed, had widened her views and had learned to enjoy herself more. That was why she was discussing the minor points of whether or not Douglas Adams’ description of Earth as ‘Mostly Harmless’ applied to the views of most of their allies, enemies, and assorted acquaintances with her CO, on another Planet.

When she had first known Jack she had wondered about the decisions that he had made, questioned his choice to stay behind on occasion, wondered how he could do some of the things that he did. Now though, she understood him. Some of that understanding had come only recently, but most had come during the high points and low points of the SGC. She had seen him at his best and at his worst, as he has seen her and it had opened up a New World to her. She had gained an understanding of the choices that he made as the Team Leader and she now knew that she would have done exactly the same in his place. He had taught her that by example.

I’ve seen right through and underneath and you’ve made me better.

She knew that he would make the necessary sacrifices when they were needed, something that she sincerely hoped she would never have to find out whether or not she could do.

He’d try every other option first, but she knew that, when it came to the crunch, the innocent billions would come before the people he loved, as much as it tore him up to do it. He’d shown an immense strength of character when he’d had to prove that. He’d killed her. There was no way that he would let the Entity kill innocents. That was one of the things that she admired and loved about him most.

You’ve used up all your coupons and all you’ve got left is me.

That had almost killed him. He’d practically torn himself to pieces with his own guilt and he couldn’t understand why she’d forgiven him and why she still kept him as her friend.

But she had forgiven him, a million times over. She always did. For all his well meaning he could be a real jerk sometimes, managing to say exactly the wrong thing, or do something that hurt her beyond belief. But she always forgave him.



And somehow I’m full of forgiveness, I guess its meant to be…

“Daniel,” he yelled, looking at his watch. “We’ve gotta leave!” They had another half-hour, but by the time Daniel and packed up his gear and everything they would be about on schedule. It had become standard procedure now, with any team going off world with Daniel being briefed to call him away long before he needed to be gone.

“Just a minute, Jack.” Sam rolled her eyes and shared a smile with him. They seemed to do that a lot now. Something between them had snapped, and now they were able to just be friends, ignorant of the knowledge that they wanted to be more.

“Oh, by the way Carter I’ve requested some downtime for the weekend of 23rd. You might wanna actually leave the base, go visit Mark and family or something.”

Sam frowned. The 23rd, but that was when her Mom…Oh! She smiled gratefully at him, her eyes thanking him for giving her the chance to be with Mark when she would normally be with Dad.

“You know what, I think I might.”

“Sweet. ‘Course you could always come fishing with me…” He joked, knowing, and understanding that she wouldn’t.

You’re really lovely underneath it all. You want to love me underneath it all. I’m really lucky underneath it all.

~~~~~~~~

So, what do you think? Should I run away and bury my head in a large pit of sand somewhere? Well I’m not gonna, ‘cause I’m a stubborn SOB :P

Drop me a line and let me know what you think please.