Rating:pg?
Warnings:a little vilence and that kinda stuff. Eragonish.(if you saw the movie)
Disclaimer:I do not own artha,beau and other copyrighted characters...aww...
Concrit:Neutral?

Chapter 1
On a night in the bog....
// Back Off!// a red and orange dragon screamed. They were Pricket,the scond in commandin the profhets, and kicker, a red dragon that is related to Phorrj, her twin sister. they had an egg.They were fighting off many black dragons. BAM! The dragons were on the ground.A gunshot from word payyn.
The black dragons roar in triuph. A dragon is heard running.
"Beau! Now!" Artha yelled. beau maged the egg and ran off to the stables.
kelly
"OKay,free time!" Mrs. pedomiter yelled. Gym. Ugggggggh! I picked up a ball, and threw it at the wall. Again and again and again.
"BRRRRRIINNGGG!" The final bell. I ran outside. Artha and Zach was waiting form me. Oh!Sorry, Zach is my little brother. He was riding Zin, A young red-boned dragon. http://www.freewebs.com/auraboostersite/" Hey Kelly." Artha said.
"Kelly!" Zach said. Zin ran up and maged me. I dont see him for most of the year.
Artha is me and zach's cousin. Zin and beau ran home.
//Nice to see you Kelly.// Zin said cheerfully.

Not bad for your first story. Please use grammar as and when it is needed.

It is better to be on the safe side. Not bad for your first story. Take our advice, and you will do just fine.

I added chapter 2 and a pic of zin.

I really hate to say it, but a chapter is usually like, at least two pages typed in something like microsoft word. and dind't somebody mention that there was a minimum length rule for fanfics posted here?

:unsure: No, nobody said that. I guess I borke the rules. :( RUN! :poof:

I agree. It is a poorly written story. I believe my nephews and nieces can write better. If you want to add a few chapters on one page, please take a look at Deathshallcome's story of The Updated Beginning of Banshun. He has written a reasonable chapter length. He was nearly suspended for writing short chapters. Check out DSC's stories, and the feedback that followed them.

LF's Rule, go to http://z10.invisionfree.com/Dragon_Booster...?showtopic=1491

Gezee.... I thought critisim was mean to be CONSTUCTIVE.
now that's just plain...cold....

ok, yeah, seriously, there's concrit, and then there's bashing Arthapenn, and that was clearly bashing.

Aura, here's some real constructive criticism. try to work out your dialogue by speaking it first. if it doesn't flow naturally off your own tongue, it probably won't work well in text. plus, figuring out how it works properly usually adds length to text, which might increase your chapter length. have more back and forth between your characters, more detailed explanations of character relationships, things like that.

I agree. LF wrote: If you ask for concrit, or do not discourage it, and then react badly when you recieve some, do not expect any sympathy.

It is one of the Fan Fiction rules. Please kindly put the image of Zin into the Art section.