Unrated chapter content removed. The story is reposted here.

~Sarah Frost, Moderator.

Please use the Fanfic Header.

I'd also recommend Shift and/or Capslock, and if this Mordrage character is meant to be Moordryd, you might want to spell the name correctly.

Your off to a good start, just a few suggestions. you need a fanfic header like Sarah Frost said, you also need to capatilize the first letter in your sentences along with names. It may also be a good idea to space when someone speaks. You don't need to rush your story, so take your time with it and I look forward to seeing more. :D

Good story so far but you need to fix it up so its easier to read.

it is a work in progress. give me a break this is my first time doin this.

Even so, the header is not difficult to edit in. Scroll down in the topic for a definition of each item, and if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. It's quite useful to include a header; discouraging concrit, for instance, would stop people commenting on your errors.

Fanfiction.Net offers free downloads of OpenOffice, which can help a little with spelling and capitalisation issues.

one more thing, try to make each chapter a little longer. you don't need to rush it and if you have to change a scene just put something between them like this:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ok. thanks. i will keep that in mind

id like to see this continue, its a good concept, and I'd love to see Word saving the DB, since he has no contempt for him.

As the others have said, maybe have a little more description, like when Kitt calls artha, we dont know where they are or are they talking over the VIDD screen.

It is interesting and I hope you continue with it. Perhaps you could look at the other fics on this forum, see how they have set it out, and use that info to set out your chapters. :cookie: here's a cookie for you....to continue...please?

redon version.
title:a miricale
co-authors/and or betas: dont have one. i think.
genrs:action
summary:word sends abandonn after artha and beau to destroy them. when things get out of hand word tries to help artha and beau. though conner gets emotianal. then something happens that changes everything. though the sequel is another story conected.sorta.
main characters:beau, artha,word paynn, abandonn, desepchun, and moordryd.
pairings:artha and beau are saved by word paynn.
rating:pg13
warnings:lots of violenece. beau getting hurt pretty bad. blood.
word count: not yet known
number of chapters:unknown
complete/wip: wip[work in progress
concrit:nutruel
mary sue:unknown
disclaimer:i dont own dragon booster. this is a fan fic for no purpose at all
gen: artha and beau get a new power. a big power.

chapter1
"Muhahahaha." laughs word,"i have a great plan."
"Don't you always."moordryd says sarcasticaly,"just like the last 38 times."
"Shut up."commands word,"i shall send abandonn after the dragon booster and and his dragon. hopefully ha pushes them off of sector 31!muhahahah"
++++++++++++
"artha."kitt says over comlink,"artha you still there."
"what. oh hey kitt."artha replied,"just doin my usally rutien around dragon city."artha yawns.
"you might want to look at this."kitt shows a draconium reader on the saddle link."huge concentration of black draconium headed toward you."
"oh great."artha says."REALESE THE DRAGON!"artha and beau change to booster form.
"rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaarrrrr!"abandonn roars at beau.
"what the legend?"beau says.
"holy mahorta."says artha.
"mahorta arent holy though artha.oh yeah he cant understand me."beau says
abandonn mag pushes artha and beau off sector 31."yeah i win!"
word says," i have a dum dragon." reads draconium reader. sees gold draconium."theyre not dead! go get them now!."
"could you say please?"abandonn says as he jumps off sector 31 down to old city.
++++++++++++++++
when abandonn mag pushed artha and beau their comlink and other comunicateves broke. then beau activated his frills and glided down to old city.
"my head."artha complains.
"oouucchh."beau says.
shadow looms over. and some creature growls at them. the creature shows its teeth at them.
"oh no."beau says.
read and reply please. this is revised a bit.

that is very good, black and gold dragon keep up the good work

thanks i need more replies so i will no when the time is right to continue. i still haf to figure out how the evil beastie gets beau.hehe.

I have edited your first post due to the lack of the minimal header (younger members are on this board; you later rated the story PG-13 with warnings for violence and blood, and some may have wished to avoid it) and because you have obviously reposted it. Please private message me if you would like the post's original content.

According to the board rules, you are required to use proper English, grammar and spelling. I note very little application of the Capslock key and several spelling errors. Spellcheck.net is recommended, or F7 on your word processor. There are very few excuses for posting something as execrable as the above.

I suggest that perhaps the fact your poor writing is so hard to understand is responsible for your lack of feedback.

I don't know how old you are, and this is not a call to stop writing. The idea of Word saving the Dragon Booster has potential to be a very good story. Continue persevering and you will get better. However, in the absence of other evidence, you seem to be simply lazy. Please check at least your basic capitalization and spelling in order to conform to board rules and make yourself understood.

why does everyone hafto be so .....what's the word? full of potential? look i've said it once i will say it again. this is my first time. cut me some slack i am only 13. bad enough i get judged by a math teacher on my spelling on ac. so please in one post TELL ME WHAT I'M DOIN WRONG!and no i dont use graphic words. i am not like that.

Your age isn't stated on your profile, so my apologies. I appreciate you're young, but if you own a word processor where the F7 key does something, if you can get onto the website spellcheck.net (though that won't help your capitalization), or if you can download OpenOffice from fanfiction.net (for free), then you can make something more legible. Also, if you're spending less time than--shall we say two hours?--to write a chapter, you're doing something wrong. I know it's hard to do the same thing for ages at a sitting, but if you have any way of saving your work (writing as an email to yourself if you don't have a computer of your own, just saving it on your home computer, Google Documents, any other save method) try to spend at least that much time on it, just a little bit each session. You don't have to post as soon as you write. Capitalize the beginning of sentences and names and allow yourself a little time to proofread. I've spent eight hours or more on chapters for the two DB WiPs I've got going, though some of them are fairly long chapters. If you finish and post fics in a single session, you've usually made some mistakes; waiting and proofreading is a really good idea. It's the quality of output, not the time you put into it, that counts, and spending more time on it is almost always better.

I know you're not using graphic words, but my concern is that younger members might still not want to read a fic that you later labelled PG-13. Every fic should have the appropriate rating and warning in case of potential annoyed parents and youngsters. :)

i dont have word processer. just my talent. and here is a warning. YOU ARE REALLY MAKING ME ANGRY! and beleive me you wont like me when i am angry.i am not trying to be rude the really only bad thing in this story is mild violence and blood. can i get any more specific!?

Then, like I said, Open Office is a free download at http://www.fanfiction.net which could give you a word processor; a quick Google search found me this online spellchecker. If you don't use your own computer, you can still email your work to yourself so you can spend time reading it over, and feed it into a free spellchecking site before posting. I'm sorry if the notion of this upsets you, but like I said above, spending two hours on a chapter to make it readable and perhaps longer than the very short chapters you're putting out isn't such a burden. A lot of fanfic writers spend more than two hours on their chapters. Of course, if it already takes you that long to put out what you do, my apologies, though if you can I still recommend taking more time. (If you can't, of course, you know why and hopefully that lets you brush off my criticism.)

Your rating is now completely fine; I just don't think it's a good policy to have unrated fics in this section, because of the issue of younger children. Thanks for putting in the rating and warnings. :)

This is a funny story continue up the good work Black and Gold Dragon!

Black and Gold - Not to sound rude or anything, but you shouldn’t be so hostile towards Sarah Frost. She's only trying to help you get better with your writing. You should try and take what help is being given and accept that some people are not going to like your writing style, but taking some of their comments into consideration might help you better your writing skills.

Your revised chapter is better, and more descriptive, so we can understand a lot more. But still, it goes quickly and is short for what it is, which wouldn’t matter if you update more frequently, but since you are just starting with fanfic writing its acceptable that you don’t update more frequently.

If you don’t want to be judged on your writing skills, then don’t write fanfics. Spelling and grammar and capitalisation is expected when writing, be it fanfic or a novel. They are important in conveying what you want to your readers, and misspelling can make it difficult to understand especially if the word is spelt wrongly and spells another, completely different word.

I am not trying to put you down – this is constructive criticism, which is the same as SF has been giving you. These are points that you can consider that might help you in making your writing better, and therefore, getting more readers to read your fanfics. Many people are put off reading stories if they have many mistakes in them. Fine, minor mistakes are fine, we expect them as readers, but if there are more mistakes than correct spellings, then there is no point in wasting time trying to understand what you’ve written.

As I said before, it’s a great concept, and one that can be developed into a great story. But please, take people’s comments, and don’t lash out at them. We are only trying to help. Remember, we want this story to continue as well, we want to know what happends.

You know what? The same thing that happened to Ibanze story is happening here too. Before things get out hand lets stop and think about this yes Black and gold dragon is getting angry and the reason why is because she is just a beginner he doesn't have all the stuff we would have. So before things get way out of hand lets end this ridiculous arguement right now.

two things. one i apologise sarah frost it is just i have problems with a math teacher. two i am not a boy. i am a girl.lol. oh and thank you for the links.