Well, I've never written a fan fiction before but I decided to give it a try. This is based on a story idea I had several months ago. It's taken me this long to figure out how to put it together as a full story. It's not even close to being done yet, but I think the beginning is stable at this point, so I thought I'd share it and see what people think. Hopefully, it doesn't suck. :)

I know my narrative style is a little dry. Well OK, it's more like Phoenix, Arizona in July. That's something I'm working on improving.

As far as the timeline goes, this story takes place some time after the events in "Pride of the Hero."

Update March 1, 2006: Chapter 6 added! I also revised the first 5 chapters a bit based on people's feedback. So what you're reading here is the most recent version of all the chapters.

Update March 14, 2006: Chapter 7 added!

Update March 29, 2006: Chapter 8 added!

Update April 12, 2006: Chapters 9 & 10 added!

Update November 2, 2006: Chapters 11 & 12 added!



Beware of Propheci


Chapter 1

It was late on a moonless night. The city was silent and still except for Cain and his dragon Coershun who was running along the otherwise deserted dragway. Cain was concerned and in a hurry to get where they were going. He pushed forward slightly on the handlebars to gently urge his dragon to go a little faster. Coershun, sensing his rider's concern, obliged by picking up the pace. As they rounded a corner, they came upon another dragon and rider waiting in the street. It was Moordryd and Decepshun who both turned their heads to view the approaching pair.

"You made it. Good," said Moordryd with his usual serious and emphatic tone as Coershun pulled up along side.

"What's this about, Moordryd?"

"I don't know. But it must be something important for my father to summon us at this late hour."

They both glanced at the Paynn citadel which loomed menacingly in the distance ahead of them.

"Come'on, let's go. Father doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Without further urging, the dragons headed off at a gallop taking their riders down the dragway leading to the main entrance of the citadel.

In a dark alleyway a short distance behind where they were, something stirred in the shadows. A shape moved forward. A large, two-legged orange dragon with blue and red markings stepped carefully across the threshold of the alleyway to peer out into the lighted street. It was one of the Prophets and its rider. The dragon watched as Moordryd and Cain receded into the distance. Its eyes narrowed to a sinister glare and it bared its teeth slightly as the pair disappeared beneath the mass of the citadel. The dragon cast a silent glance back to its motionless rider for a few seconds as if considering something. The dragon looked back at the citadel briefly, then slowly turned and disappeared quietly back into the shadows of the alley.



-----------------


Chapter 2

Word sat impatiently at the conference table in his main control chamber with the usual scowl on his face and drummed his fingers as he waited. Moordryd entered alone and made his way to the table but remained standing with his arms behind his back.

"You sent for me, Father?" he said respectfully knowing that showing any attitude wasn't going to help things at this late hour.

"It's about time you got here," Word responded, somewhat irritated as usual.

Moordryd waited for his father, who had yet to make eye contact with him, to continue. Word, obviously displeased with Moordryd, allowed the silence between them to continue for a few more long seconds.

"Moordryd. Is there something you're not telling me?" he finally said with a sigh, still not looking at his son.

"What do you mean, Father?" said Moordryd without emotion so as not to antagonize his father any further.

There were in fact many things that Moordryd had not told his father, such as when he kept the bone mark of the Furox for himself. Word of course expected Moordryd to do such things and he found out about Moordryd's "oversights" on numerous occasions. This, apparently, was one of them.

"Several months ago, I sent you out during the All-City Marathon race to investigate the legend of the Lost Track of Doom and to see if there was any truth to the existence of the ancient Prophets crew. Do you remember?" said Word with a bit of sarcasm towards the end.

"Yes, Father."

"You said you found no evidence of their existence." Word now turned his frowning gaze toward Moordryd for the first time and said with some anger creeping into his voice, "But that wasn't exactly true, was it?"

Moordryd cast his eyes downward to avoid his father's glare and remained silent. Moordryd's silence confirmed Word's suspicions.

His father grinned slightly at having caught Moordryd in one of his lies. "So tell me, Moordryd. What did you find?"

Moordryd hesitated a few seconds in order to compose himself before beginning. "Cain and I were making a survey of the old abandoned tracks where the marathon used to be run before the new track was built. We came upon a particularly isolated section of track shrouded in mist. When we reached the mid point of the span, the section we were standing on suddenly gave way. Coershun was able to jump back with Cain to the part of the track still left standing. Decepshun leapt forward and safely made it to the opposite side, but I fell off. Luckily, I was able to grab hold of a cable and pull myself back up." Moordryd decided that his father was mad enough at him and there was no need to make it worse by telling him he had in fact been rescued by the Penn brat.

"Go on," said Word.

"I re-grouped with Cain and once we found another track, Coershun brought us around to the other side of the break in the track so I could pick up Decepshun."

Word sighed and stood up with his back to his son. "Moordryd, why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I... didn't think there was anything to tell," said Moordryd, being less than honest as usual. He tried to cover it up by adding, "The old track was falling apart. That's all."

"Really? Did you see any dragons?"

Moordryd hesitated and said haltingly, "Nothing we could clearly make out."

Moordryd was lying again and Word clearly sensed it. Moordryd and Cain had in fact both caught momentary glimpses of what might have been orange dragons when the track collapsed. Not wanting to be sent back to investigate a dangerous area like this further after nearly falling to their deaths, they both decided not to report what had actually happened to Word.

Still with his back to his son, Word said, "You disappoint me, Moordryd," in an almost casual fashion as if he had said it a hundred times before, which of course, he had.

Word surmised what must have actually happened: the Prophets had ambushed Moordryd and Cain because they had gotten too close to their stronghold.

Word moved to the control console before him and keyed a switch. The display above came to life. "Look here. One of my wraith dragons that was on surveillance patrol nearby came upon this earlier tonight."

Moordryd watched the video playback from the camera mounted on the wraith dragon control gear. It showed an indistinct shape moving in the shadows on one of the lesser used streets and quickly disappearing into the darkness. Word flipped a few switches and the image zoomed in on the shape. The zoomed image was pixelated at first, but the computer quickly enhanced it. The blocky pixels disappeared and the image came into focus. It showed an orange dragon and a rider.

"If I'm not mistaken, that dragon seems to match the description of the Prophets in the legend, wouldn't you say, Moordryd?" said Word with some sarcasm in his voice.

"Yes, Father," Moordryd replied somewhat sheepishly.

"The Prophets haven't been seen in Dragon City for many centuries. So long in fact that their existence has passed into legend."

Moordyrd failed to see the significance of this and started to get a little impatient, “So what if there are a few more dragons in the city?"

"The Prophets believe dragons are best suited to rule and seek to subjugate humans. If the legend is true, and the Prophets have returned to Dragon City, it can only mean one thing." Word finally turned to face Moordryd and said with some anger, "They must be planning to take control of the city for themselves."

Moordryd showed concern for a moment, then crossed his arms and said somewhat defiantly, "So let Dragon City Security deal with it. Why is it our problem?"

"Dragon City Security can't even stop you from stealing dragons. How do you expect them to fight the Prophets when they can't even handle a petty thief?"

His son was a bit taken aback by that, but realized it was true. Dragon City Security was not at all prepared for something like this.

"Besides," Word continued, "I have more to lose than anyone else in Dragon City. And their timing interferes with my own plans to control the city."

"What should we do?" Moordryd said with more seriousness now as the thought of being controlled by a dragon sunk in.

"If you had confirmed the existence of the Prophets back when I sent you out to look for them, things would be different. Now, we must accelerate our plans. I do not yet have enough wraith dragons to control the city and fight a war with the Prophets at the same time. We must fix that. You and your crew must immediately set out and steal more dragons to become part of my wraith dragon army."

Putting his hands together and arching his fingers, Word continued more optimistically, "This may yet work to my advantage. If my wraith dragons can defeat the Prophets, the people of Dragon City will see the value in controlling dragons and there will be less resistance to my plans in the future."

Speaking urgently now and pointing a clawed finger at his son, "But time is short, Moordryd. The presence of the Prophets means they are preparing to strike. Go now and get started. And don't fail me again."

Word turned his back on his son, indicating that he was dismissed.

Moordryd left the chamber. Cain was waiting in the hall outside. As the door closed behind Moordryd, he said in a serious and determined tone, "Come'on Cain. We've got work to do."


-------------------------------


Chapter 3

A subterranean chamber was the hub of activity for many orange dragons. Some dragons had riders, but many did not. One of the Prophets with a rider approached Propheci, the dragon leader of the Prophets crew.

Propheci, speaking through his rider Reepyr, began the conversation, "What do you have to report?"

The other dragon, also speaking through his rider, responded, "One of our scouts near the citadel reports that she believes the human has become aware of our presence in the city."

"Yes. We knew it was only a matter of time until he discovered us," said Propheci with no sign of disappointment or concern in his face, nor in his rider's voice. "He will most likely be trying to reinforce his position. No matter. Instruct the scouts to continue their work."

Changing the subject, Propheci continued, "What is the status of the new control gear? Will we have enough additional units ready in time?"

"Yes, I believe so," the other dragon responded. "All the humans we can spare are working on the gear modifications now."

"Good. We will begin moving as soon as it is ready."


---------------------------------


Chapter 4

A few days later it was race day. The weather was warm and pleasant as usual in Dragon City; a perfect day for a race. The start time was approaching and the racers were getting in position. Beau carried Artha in the saddle and casually made his way to the starting gates. Beau felt the usual anticipation and excitement he always did before a race, and the smile on his face and slight swagger in his step let it show. As they passed the grandstand, Wyldfyr trotted up to walk alongside.

"Hi, Artha. Ready for the Maze Challenge?" Kitt asked. The enthusiasm in her voice made it clear she was charged up for the race as well.

"Not only are we ready, but we're going win!" Artha said in a happy and confident way.

"Oh, really?" responded Kitt with mocking sarcasm. "Perhaps you've forgotten that Wyldfyr and I are three-time winners of this event?" To which Wyldfyr turned her head slightly to Artha and Beau and gave them a proud smile to emphasize the point.

"Not this time, Kitt. Beau and I have been practicing," assured Artha as they reached the starting gates.

Kitt sighed and shrugged off Artha's usual bravado. She looked over and noticed one of the gates was empty. "Hey, where's Moordyrd? He was supposed to be entered in this race."

"Who cares. He wasn't going to win anyway," said Artha egotistically.

"Strange for him to miss a race, though."

The signal was given that the countdown was about to commence. The dragons adjusted their footing and their riders leaned forward and hugged the saddle to cut wind resistance to a minimum. The track flashed red as the countdown started. The dragons crouched and prepared for the starting rush. Yellow. Beau gritted his teeth and dug in his claws to get a good push-off. Green! As the gates dropped, the entire row of dragons lunged forward, running as fast as they could for the initial segment of the race.

The first half mile of the race was a sprint to the maze portion of the event. The dragons covered this distance effortlessly. As they approached the maze, each dragon and rider pair had their own entrance into it that lead to an identical maze layout within. Beau shot through his assigned entrance and continued down the straight passageway at full speed. The passage had a line of lights embedded in the floor down the center. They were lit and spaced a yard apart. As Beau passed over each light, it winked out and the scoreboard by grandstand recorded a point for their team for each light crossed. The object of the Maze Challenge was to pass over as many lights as possible and then get back to the finish line within the allotted time period. The team with the highest score would be the winner.

Artha and Beau were coming up on the first intersection in the maze. The corridor they were in was wide enough for a dragon, but the corridor branching to the left ahead was only wide enough for a human.

As they approached the intersection Artha said, "Get ready, Beau!" as he concentrated to gauge the distance. Beau focused his energy and began to glow as he continued to run at full speed. As the distance to the approaching intersection shrank to less than a few strides, Artha gave the signal, "Now, Beau!"

Beau magged Artha, picking him up out of the saddle and pushing him in the direction of the other corridor. Artha completed the mag-jump and hit the ground running. As he passed over the lights in the floor of this narrow corridor, they winked out as well, and with the two of them working separately, the rate at which their score increased doubled. Beau took a hard right turn, continuing down another one of the wide corridors. The other riders and their dragons were all doing the same thing and had similarly split up in order to cover as much of the maze as possible.

Artha and Beau each followed a carefully planned and rehearsed path through the maze, making turns at precise locations. Artha took another left and was back in one of the wide corridors running headlong towards Beau coming from the opposite direction. Neither slowed down and they continued full speed towards one another. As they were about to collide, Beau magged Artha, picking him up and sending him in a mag-jump up and over his back to land behind him. Artha hit the ground running again and took the first right turn down another narrow passage in the maze. Beau took the next right, following his own planned path.

Time was running out on the clock. Anyone not crossing the finish line before the time expired would automatically lose. Beau made a final turn and was in the passage leading towards the exit of the maze. As they had planned, Artha emerged from a side passage ahead and ran for the exit as well. The dragon quickly converged on Artha, and as he approached within two strides, he magged Artha, pulling him back into the saddle. Artha clung to the saddle as Beau burst out of the exit of the maze.

The exit put them heading back the way they had come. It was a half mile sprint back to where they had started which was now the finish line. The clock was ticking down and Artha and Beau found themselves in the lead. They were close enough now to hear the cheering crowd. The excitement showed on their faces.

"Woo-hoo, Beau! We're almost there!" yelled Artha enthusiastically.

"Guess again, stable boy!" challenged Kitt from behind them. Kitt flipped open the safety covers on the triggers on both hand grips, hit the switches within and braced herself. The level 5 thruster gear on her dragon sprang to life, running on maximum burn. Wyldfyr leaned forward with the thrust and surged towards the finish line, easily breezing past Artha and Beau. Beau poured on all the additional speed he could muster to close the final distance, but it wasn't enough. Wyldfyr shot across the finish line first with Beau in second place. The additional bonus points for finishing first put Kitt and Wyldfyr well over the top with the highest score, making them the winners to the cheers of the crowd.

Beau caught up to where Wyldfyr had stopped to catch her breath. Heat waves from the exhaust ports on the thruster gear could still be seen shimmering in the air.

"Nice race, you two," said Kitt with the confidence and pride of a winner. "You gave me a run for the money back there."

"Yeah," said a subdued Artha, finding it difficult to hide his disappointment. Half-heartedly, he managed to say, "Good race, Kitt." He didn't like losing of course, but at least he wasn't beaten by Moordryd this time. That would have been worse.

Artha's com-link started beeping just then. He hit the switch on his saddle and the holographic screen sprang up showing an image of Lance.

"Hey, Artha!" Lance said urgently.

"What's up, bro?" answered Artha, picking up on the serious tone in Lance's voice.

"Mortis wants to see us all right away. He says it's important."


---------------------


Chapter 5

Mortis had called Artha and his friends to the Dragon Temple. They were all assembled in one of the chambers with their dragons behind them. Mortis entered the room with staff in hand and walked over to the others, serious as always.

"I called you all here to tell you of some disturbing news that has come to my attention." Mortis turned, waved his hand and a vid screen unfolded from the ceiling. Photographs of many dragons and text to accompany them scrolled by on the screen. "Dragon City Security has reported a sharp increase in the number of missing dragons lately."

"Missing dragons?" Artha said with a bit of anger as the four dragons looked at each other. "It's got to the Moordryd and Word again. That's why Moordryd wasn't at the race today."

"So it would seem. Apparently, Word's still trying to create a formidable wraith dragon army."

Mortis paused while the teenagers and their dragons exchanged glances. None were pleased at the prospect of battling wraith dragons again. Under Word's control, they were ruthless and incapable of mercy. They would blindly fight to the death if instructed to do so.

"But there's more," Mortis said ominously. He waved his hand again and the display changed. This time it showed photos of humans and text to match. Many images scrolled by. "There has also been a sudden increase in the number of missing person reports as well."

"Missing persons?" asked Kitt skeptically. "Do you think Moordryd and Word have something to do with this, too?"

"I don't know," said Mortis, "but we must find out."

Parmon pulled out his hand held computer and began punching buttons. "Let's analyze the data from the missing person reports and see if there are any correlations," he said. He punched buttons and studied the screen intensely. "Perhaps they're all from a certain section of the city." He keyed the query into the computer. It emitted a short error tone indicating no correlation. "Hmm, OK. Perhaps something else..." Another error tone. "OK, not that. Let's try..."

Parmon, completely lost in thought, paced while he worked and tried various ways to analyze the data, each of which resulted in the computer emitting the error tone. After numerous tries, the computer finally chimed to indicate a successful match had been found. Parmon's eyes widened as he stared at the screen. "That can't be a coincidence!"

"What did you find, professor?" asked Kitt showing concern.

"Well, you see, I downloaded the data on the missing person reports from city central computer and loaded it into a relational database so the reports could be aggregated and compared using tuple-based content addressable queries. Then I --"

He was cut off at that point as Artha, Kitt and Lance exchanged glances, shook their heads and said, "Ah-Hem" practically in unison. The dragons cleared their throats as well.

Artha continued, "Can you just get to the point?" This was accompanied with nods from the dragons pleading for Parmon to get on with it themselves.

"Oh. Yes," stammered Parmon a little self consciously. "Almost all the recent missing person reports have one thing in common." The humans and dragons looked on with expectation. "They are nearly all people who don't have a dragon."

The others exchanged puzzled glances.

"That's odd," said Artha. "Almost everyone in Dragon City has a dragon, except for the few humans who live on their own. But there's nothing else special about that."

"Yeah," continued Kitt. "It's not as if they don't like dragons. It's just that having a dragon and caring for it is a considerable expense, with food, of course, being the largest expense."

"Boy, do I know that!" said Artha who cast a smirking glance at Beau. Beau, feeling slightly embarrassed, looked around with a "who me?" expression and then smiled at Artha innocently. Artha let his expression change to a smile to indicate he was just kidding, to which Beau grunted a "humph!" and gave Artha a friendly shove with his snout, nearly knocking Artha over, as retribution for teasing him. Lance and Fracshun both looked at each other and snickered at this exchange, even though they had seen those two having similar exchanges many times before.

Kitt smiled too and continued, "And, add to that the cost of shelter and medical attention, plus the large commitment of time, and some people prefer to be independent."

"These people usually live near where they work," said Artha, "and taxi-dragons are readily available and inexpensive within the city whenever they need to cover longer distances."

"So what happened to them all?" asked a puzzled Lance.

"Artha, you and the others will have to find out," said Mortis. "It can't be a coincidence that dragons and humans would disappear at the same time."

A look of concern fell upon all the faces in the room.


-----------------------


Chapter 6


The news of the missing humans was a new wrinkle that Artha and his friends hadn't encountered before. Mortis had suggested they investigate that first, and to that end, Parmon sorted the missing person reports into four lists organized by city sector. Each of them would take one of the lists and visit the areas where the missing people had lived and see if they could find anything that might reveal what was happening. By splitting up they could cover more ground.

As Beau brought Artha to the next address on their list, the dragon tried to remember the last time he had walked so far in such a short period of time. It was now late afternoon on the fourth day of searching, and he and Artha were both growing weary after having visited numerous places with no leads. There was no news from the others since they had set out that morning, which meant that they hadn't found anything yet either. With so many dead ends, Beau wondered if they would ever uncover anything. This worried him and he could sense that Artha was worried as well. He felt an almost instinctive desire to protect the dragons and humans in the city and the news of the missing dragons and humans concerned him deeply. What bothered him the most was that there was little he could do at the moment and he didn't like feeling powerless to help. This dampened his spirits quite a bit.

Beau stopped outside a small apartment building where a fellow by the name of Jasun Lem had lived before he disappeared just over a week ago. The dragon crouched down so Artha could hop off the saddle. Feeling a bit tired, which was further exacerbated by his mood, Beau let out a short “whew” sound with a sigh.

“Feet tired, huh Beau?”

Beau nodded towards Artha and said, “Uh-huh,” mimicking the human sound as best he could. Running in a race was one thing, but the endless miles they had covered in the last couple of days and the constant walking was enough to wear out even a dragon's feet.

“OK, Beau. Why don't you rest here while I go inside and see if there's anything we can find out at this place.” Before Artha could finish the sentence, Beau flopped on the ground, raising a small cloud of dust, and made himself comfortable. A relieved “Ahhh” sound rumbled in his throat as he stretched out his feet and spread out and flexed his toes. That's better, Beau thought, smiling a bit. Artha smiled and gave his dragon a kind pat on the head then made his way to the front door of the building.

Artha reviewed the information in the missing person report as he made his way inside. He found it worked best to say he was an old friend of the missing person when talking to their neighbors and trying to get information. He found Jasun's apartment and knocked on the door across the hall from it. The approaching footsteps indicated someone was home.

The door opened and a man in his early 20's greeted Artha. “Hi,” he said as he waited to see what Artha wanted.

“I was wondering if you've seen Jasun around lately. I'm an old friend of his. We haven't seen each other in a while and I was trying to get back in touch with him. I tried calling but there was never any answer and he doesn't seem to be home either,“ said Artha, playing dumb and innocent.

“I haven't seen Jasun in a over week now myself. No one seems to have. Dragon City Security was even here looking for him,” the man responded. “So you're an old friend, too?”

“Too?” asked Artha, looking a little puzzled and not quite sure what the man was implying.

“Yeah, someone else came by looking for him about a week ago, just before he was last seen. Said he was an old friend as well.”

“Maybe I know him. Do you happen to know his name?” Artha said, intrigued that he might actually be getting somewhere finally.

“Yeah, he came by while Jasun was out and asked me when he usually gets back. Said his name was Phyll Sivar. Do you know him?”

“Doesn't sound familiar. Anything else you remember about him?”

“Well, only that he seemed pretty serious about something. Didn't seem like he came by for a social visit, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah. Anything else you can think of?”

“No, that's pretty much it. That fellow was here only briefly. He didn't say anything else.”

“OK. Thanks for your help.” Artha gave a polite wave and said, “Have a good day,” as he turned to leave.

With this encouraging bit of information, Artha hurried down the hall and back outside to where Beau was waiting. The dragon lifted his head as he heard Artha approaching.

“I think we got a lead, Beau!” as he keyed his wrist communicator to call Parmon. This news helped lift Beau's spirits and a smile appeared on his face.

“Hi, Artha. What's up?” asked Parm when his image appeared in the viewscreen. Parm was seated in his saddle and Cyrano was apparently taking him to the next address on his list.

“I found out something,” said Artha as he sat down next to his dragon so Beau could see the screen as well. “One of the missing persons on my list named Jason Lem was visited by someone named Phyll Sivar shortly before he disappeared. Does that name mean anything to you?”

“Hmm, let's see,” answered Parm, as he keyed the named into the console before him on his saddle. “Well, that name isn't on the list of recent missing persons. Let me check the city records. Just a moment.” Beau looked on with interest as Parmon established a connection with the city central computer.

After a few moments, Pamon's image in the viewscreen frowned, and sounding a little puzzled he said, “Artha? You said that name was Phyll Sivar? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, it says here that Phyll Sivar was reported missing about five years ago and hasn't been seen since.”

“You're kidding. He's missing, too?” Artha and Beau looked at each other with puzzlement.

“Apparently. But not quite so missing if he was seen recently.”

“Yeah, I guess. Why would he suddenly show up here?”

“I'm not sure,” answered Parmon, thinking intently. “Let's see what I can find out.” Parmon began keying commands into the console before him. “This will take a few minutes.”

Changing the subject slightly as Parm got the computer working on the problem, Artha said, “Have you heard anything from Kitt or Lance?”

“Not since we split up this morning. Apparently, they haven't had any better luck than I have.”

It had been a long a day and Artha leaned against Beau's shoulder while he waited for Parmon to do his work. At least they might finally be getting somewhere.

A minute or so later, Artha could hear Parmon's computer chime over the com-link and that caught his attention. “Find something?” Artha asked.

“Yes, I did!” answered Parmon, intrigued by what he saw. “According to city records, both Jasun Lem and Phyll Sivar attended the same school. And a search of the class records for the school shows that they were both in several classes together. Artha, Jasun and Phyll probably knew each other.”

“So you're saying a man that went missing five years ago suddenly shows up at his friend's house and then his friend goes missing shortly afterwards?”

“So it would seem.”

“Parm, is it possible that Phyll may have known other people who have recently gone missing?”

“Let me check.” Parm said as he worked the computer further. “You're right, Artha! Phyll Sivar also went to school one other person who was recently reported missing.”

“OK, that gives us a lead. But what does it mean?” asked Artha, frowning as he tried to puzzle this out. He could see that Parmon was trying to think it through as well. After what seemed like a very long minute, Artha suggested, “Maybe we need to go about this differently, Parm. I have an idea. What we have is a case where a missing person from several years ago reappears and two of his friends who coincidentally don't have dragons suddenly go missing as well. So let's see if we can get ahead of this. Can you pull up all the missing person reports from the last several years and then see if any of them might have known people who don't have dragons and have not yet been reported missing?”

“Yes, but a search that broad will take awhile. Several hours at least.”

“OK, why don't you get started on that. I'm going to call the others. It's getting near time to feed our dragons anyway.” Beau perked up immediately as soon as feeding time was mentioned and a broad smile appeared on his face. Suddenly, his feet didn't bother him so much anymore. Artha keyed his wrist communicator again and the screen split into three windows. Kitt and Lance appeared in the two new ones.

“Hey guys! Parm and I may have found something. Why don't we all meet at the dragon feed station off dragway 82 and I'll fill you in.”



-----------------

Chapter 7

Decepshun ate her meal eagerly, being especially careful to get every last bit. They had another long night ahead of them, and Moordryd had fed her early again. To help maintain her stamina for the long hours on these last few nights, Moordryd had also been adding a protein and energy supplement to her normal feed lately. To a dragon this was like candy, and she diligently made sure she didn't miss a single piece.

Moordryd leaned against the wall in the stable area of the Dragon Eyes compound and waited patiently for his dragon to finish her meal as he always did. Though patience wasn't really needed considering how fast a dragon ate. Decepshun knew that some humans considered feeding their dragons to be a "chore" and had others do the work for them. But not Moordryd. He and Decepshun had been together for as far back as she could remember. They were both about the same age and she remembered Moordryd taking over her care and feeding as soon as he was old enough to lift and measure the feed. They had always gotten along well with each other and each looked out for the other as well. As the years went by, they had become a solid team.

While she ate, she could see out of the corner of her eye that Moordryd was watching her with an expression of mild amusement at the tenacity at which she finished off the meal. But she didn't mind. The humans had plenty of their own odd eating habits she could laugh at herself, what with all the utensils, plates, and napkins they insisted on using, not to mention all the equipment needed just to make their meals. Why, they used more gear just to prepare and eat their food than she needed to run in a race! She found their eating habits amusing and she was sure Moordryd knew it.

As she was licking up the last of the crumbs, Cain entered the stable area. "We're just about ready to go, Moordryd."

"Good. It's going to be a long night. Father wants us to steal 30 dragons tonight."

"30? You've got to be kidding! We've never stolen that many dragons in a single night before."

"Even so, we have to try. We don't know exactly what kind of threat the Prophets pose, nor do we know their numbers. We have to be ready for anything." The previous look of amusement that was on Moordryd's face was completely gone by this point. "Get the rest of the gear loaded and I'll be there shortly."

"We'll be ready," Cain said as he turned to leave.

Decepshun wasn't exactly sure what to make of the Prophets herself. On the one side, they represented an unknown threat to her and she didn't like that. She was used to being the aggressor towards other dragons, not have it the other way around. In fact, few dragons had ever challenged her dominance. And only the Furox had ever actually intimidated her. Most dragons were like Coershun: they had a cowardly streak she could easily find and exploit to gain their submission. Long ago she had noticed that Moordryd used a similar technique to maintain his leadership over the humans in his crew. Their personalities were alike in many ways, and she knew that was why they made such a strong team together.

But the Prophets could be different. She knew the legend like everyone else: the orange dragons had been bred for war long ago and were said to be fierce and ruthless in battle. That was very different from most dragons. Even the black and gold dragon, as powerful as he was, could never be considered ruthless when he fought. If the legend was true, then the orange dragons were not like the other dragons in Dragon City, and she found that a bit unnerving.

Still... The legend also said that the Prophets believed that dragons were best suited to rule and would that be so bad? Afterall she thought, dragons did all of the heavy work. Without the help of the dragons, Dragon City could never have been built. And without dragons, human society would quickly collapse. Shouldn't that earn dragons a better position? Perhaps even a leadership position?

But on the other claw, the overwhelming majority of humans freely provided for all their dragon's needs just as Moordryd did. And the humans were the ones that had figured out how to forge raw draconium and construct the gear that extended and enhanced a dragon's natural abilities, not to mention the fact that a human's own life force added to their dragon's draconium energy. So while it was true that the humans couldn't have built the city without the dragons, the dragons couldn't have built the city without the gear from the humans and the humans themselves. It seemed they each had a part in creating the present day world. The problem was that the Prophets might be planning to destroy human society, and she wasn't about to stand by and let anything happen to Moordryd. And she knew that Moordryd would never let anything happen to her.

For now though, they had a job to do, so she pushed these thoughts out of her mind. Moordryd had finished putting things away after the meal, and picked up his helmet and walked over to her. He patted her shoulder and asked, "Ready to go, Decepshun?" in his usual serious and self-assured way.

She nodded back and magged the saddle off the nearby gear rack. She crouched down as Moordryd climbed on and they set off to where Cain was waiting to begin the night's work.

----------------------

Chapter 8

Beau was enjoying his meal at the feed station with the other dragons. He and Artha had rendezvoused there with the others and it was now dusk. It had been a long day and all the dragons were hungry.

As he ate, Beau noticed that Fracshun had finished his portion but still looked like he wanted a little more. Beau had plenty of food left so he stepped back from the trough and gave a short call to the smaller dragon along with a gesture of his head to invite him over to share his food. Fracshun happily came over for an extra bite.

Even though the two weren't related, Beau viewed the younger dragon as his little brother and looked out for him. Fracshun was another dragon Connor had raised from an egg, and Beau remembered being on hand with Artha and Connor to watch the little dragon hatch and take his first few wobbly steps. Connor had raised the two dragons together, and it didn't take long for a strong bond to form between them.

Fracshun had finished eating his fill and stepped aside to leave the rest for Beau. Beau gathered up the remaining food in one enormous mouthful and swallowed. He made a very satisfied "Ahhh" sound, then belched loudly and cast a sly smile at Fracshun. Fracshun snickered at this but Wyldfyr and Cyrano just looked at each other and shook their heads at Beau's nonsense.

Having finished their meals now, the four dragons gathered around their human companions who were seated at an adjacent picnic table. The teenagers were snacking on Draconee Yum energy bars and soft drinks they purchased out of the vending machine as Artha went over what he had found out earlier that afternoon.

“So given that there seems to be a relationship between the current crop of missing person reports and previous missing persons,” Artha explained, “Parm's done a search to try and find other humans who knew people who went missing in the past.”

“Right,” said Parmon. “Normally, a search like this would have yielded far too many results. However, the fact that the recent missing humans are almost all ones who don't have dragons allowed me to narrow things greatly. As it is, I only had to download the missing person reports for the last few years along with the dragon registry. I used to dragon registry to generate a list of people who don't have dragons and cross referenced those names with the missing person reports to see which ones might have known each other either at school, at work or who might have been neighbors. The resulting list of names was quite small. Plus a few of the names on the list are people who have recently been reported as missing.”

“So it seems like we're on to something here,” suggested Kitt.

“It does,” said Artha. As they were talking, Fracshun moved up beside Lance and nudged his arm gently; his way of indicating that he would like a pat on the head. Lance smiled and obliged. As Lance stroked Fracshun's head, Artha continued, “The plan is to try to get ahead of this and find out what's going on. Parm-” indicating that Parmon should take over the explanation from here.

“Right. I've applied a dynamic stochastic systems analysis model to the names on the list based on characteristics from the recent missing person reports in order to generate the quantum probability of any given subject on the list to become missing in the future. By filtering out those with a high standard deviation above the mean average, I've been able to reduce the list to a diminutive set of individuals who have a high likelihood of disappearing in the upcoming future.”

Everyone else was exchanging glances in mild amusement of Parmon's explanation while Wyldfyr just rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. She wondered how Cyrano could stand being around Parmon all the time. “In other words,” translated Artha, “we think we know who might become missing next.”

“Isn't that what I just said?” responded Parmon, slightly indignant.

While this discussion was taking place, Beau, who was standing behind Artha, eyed Artha's half finished Draconee Yum bar and licked his lips. He slowly leaned in over Artha's left shoulder towards the candy bar and tapped Artha's right shoulder with his tail. Artha looked to his right and, as Beau was about to grab the candy bar, Artha snatched it away from Beau's mouth and said, “Ha! Caught ya! Nice try, dragonola breath.”

Beau gave a short whine of disappointment as Artha took another bite of his candy bar and gave an exaggerated “Mmmmm!” to taunt his dragon. Beau could only stare with his mouth slightly open, practically salivating. Artha chuckled at the sight and said, “OK, Beau. Settle for half?” to which the dragon nodded vigorously. Artha broke the remains of the bar in half and tossed a piece towards Beau who deftly snatched it out of the air, swallowed, and gave a very satisfied “Ahhh” sound.

“Well, now that that's settled,” continued Artha, "let's see if we can find out what's happening with these missing people. We'll divide up and each take one of the top names off of Parm's list."

"Right," continued Parmon, "According to the reports, the people who've been reported missing were usually last seen at their home in the evening hours. So that means they disappear sometime during the night."

"So we'll each stake-out the home of one of the people on Parm's list," said Artha, "and hope we see what happens. Parm and I are ready to try it and our dragons are, too." Looking around hopefully, he asked, "Is everyone else in on this?"

Kitt looked up to Wyldfyr to get her reaction. Her dragon thought this seemed like a good idea and smiled back along with a nod of agreement. "Looks like we're in," answered Kitt.

"Us, too!" added Lance as Fracshun nodded his reply.

Artha stood and said, "Great! If everyone's ready, then let's move out."

---------------------

Chapter 9

Parmon had taken his best shot to pick the top four most likely people to disappear next. Kitt and Wyldfyr had been given the name of a man who lived in the mid-city section to watch. They had chosen a location on a nearby rooftop where they could observe the area clearly.

“I don't know, Wyldfyr,” Kitt said with a bit of a sigh. “We've been out here for two nights now with nothing happening. I wonder if we're going to get anywhere with this.”

Wyldfyr gave a bit of a sigh herself and agreed with a short “rraah-uhh” sound, which Kitt knew was her dragon's best approximation of "uh-huh." There was little to do but wait, so Wyldfyr settled down and made herself comfortable next to Kitt where she could observe the area below.

They continued waiting. After a time, the man they were supposed to watch came out of the building and headed down the street away from their location.

“Looks like he's going to the market down at the corner again. Wait here while I follow him.”

The market wasn't far and it was less conspicuous if Kitt followed alone. Kitt made her way down to street level and kept the man in sight. She waited outside as the man went into the market as expected.

After waiting for some time, Kitt's wrist communicator started beeping. She hit the button to receive the call.

“Rraaah! Rraaah!” came Wyldfyr's excited voice over the line. Kitt had left the saddle's com-link set to automatically call her if activated. As with any gear, Wyldfyr could trigger the com-link on the saddle by applying a small amount of mag-energy to the appropriate point on the saddle.

“Something going on back there?” asked Kitt, recognizing something was up.

Wyldfyr answered with an affirmative “Rraah-uuh” sound.

“OK, sit tight. I'm on my way back.”

Kitt ran back towards the building where the man they were watching lived. As she rounded the corner and came into sight of the building, she saw another man moving away from the building as though he had just left. Kitt, speaking into her communicator said, “Is that man the reason you called me, Wyldfyr?”

Wyldfyr responded with another “Rraah-uuh.”

The man was moving away from the building in the opposite direction. Kitt slowed down and started following him from what she hoped was a discreet distance. This was a little difficult since it was getting late and there was hardly anyone else on the street at the moment and the few people who were there were riding dragons. The man and Kitt were the only ones on foot which made them both stand out.

The man cast a glance back and, noticing Kitt, started to move a little faster. Kitt picked up her pace as well in order to keep him in sight. The man looked back again and realized he was being followed. He started running. Kitt started running, too.

"Hold up! I just want to talk to you!" she called after him.

Wyldfyr saw Kitt running after him and wasted no time coming to help her. The dragon jumped from her rooftop position and ran towards Kitt. As she got close, she lifted Kitt up with a mag-energy stream and dropped her into the saddle.

"Thanks, Wyldfyr!" Kitt said. "OK, let's catch up to him now."

The man had turned down a twisting side street to try and loose them. Wyldfyr knew she didn't have to try very hard to catch up to him. No human could hope to outrun a dragon and she took it at an easy pace. She was almost within mag range, and if he didn't stop soon, Wyldfyr planned to simply pick him up and hold him with a mag energy stream. She knew it was considered improper for a dragon to mag a stranger like that, just as it was considered improper for a human to jump into the saddle of dragon they didn't know. But this wasn't the time to worry about the finer points of dragon-human etiquette, and she prepared herself for another mag burst.

As the distance narrowed, the man turned into a smaller side alley. Wyldfyr and Kitt rounded the corner themselves and, startled by what she saw, Wyldfyr skidded to a halt. Both were surprised, and she and Kitt gaped at an unexpected sight a short distance in front of them. There before them in the alley was an orange dragon. The dragon defiantly stood its ground and eyed them carefully, its teeth showing slightly. Surprisingly, the man they were chasing ran towards the dragon and as he approached it, the dragon crouched down to allow him onto the saddle.

"The Prophets?! Here in the city? Oh, brother. This can't be good," exclaimed Kitt, a bit distressed as the memories of their experience on the Track of Doom resurfaced. Wyldfyr was none too happy about this development either.

Once seated, the man pulled on his helmet and the orange dragon quickly spun around and took off down the alley running away as fast as it could.

"Come'on Wyldfyr. We've got to find out what they're up to!"

Wyldfyr leapt into action to catch up to the other dragon. This wasn't easy since the Prophets were fast dragons as well. Wyldfyr gritted her teeth and poured on the speed. As she did so, the distance between them slowly narrowed. The rider on the orange dragon looked back and noticed the others were catching up to him. The orange dragon then began to glow with a mag-energy aura.

"Look out, Wyldfyr! They're going to mag-blast us!"

Wyldfyr slowed down a bit and prepared to dodge the blast. The orange dragon fired an intense mag-burst, but it wasn't aimed at Kitt or Wyldfyr. Instead, it shot nearly straight up and they both craned their necks to see where the energy stream was going. The mag-burst hit the main support column of a large overhead billboard, slicing it in two. The billboard collapsed and hit the ground with a thunderous crash, landing just behind the orange dragon and forming an insurmountable barrier blocking the alleyway. Wyldfyr turned herself sideways to brake and skidded to a halt in front of the wreckage of the sign. There was no way around it in the narrow alley. The Prophet and its rider had escaped.

"Scales! We'll never catch up to them now." Kitt shouted. With a sigh, she said “Let's head back, Wyldfyr,” feeling somewhat exasperated by what just happened. “The others are going to want to know about this.”

-----------

Chapter 10


A short time later in the subterranean chamber of the Prophets, Propheci was meeting with another dragon. More of the orange dragons around them had riders now.

“The scouts have done well,” said Propheci in a satisfied way as he looked about.

“Yes, indeed,” responded the dragon he was with. “However, one scout has reported that he was spotted and pursued by someone. More humans in the city are becoming aware of us. We can't wait much longer.”

“We won't have to,” assured Propheci. “The gear modifications are all complete. Begin moving our forces to the staging area at once.”


-------------------


Chapter 11

“You saw an orange dragon in the city?” asked Mortis. "And it allowed the human you were following to ride it?" Mortis seemed somewhat surprised and took a few moments to ponder this. Kitt had called everyone to tell them what had happened and they all had returned to the Dragon Temple to plan their next move. Mortis continued, “This is most unexpected. The Prophets haven't been seen in Dragon City for centuries. In fact, it's been so long since they've been seen that I had my own doubts about the legend and their existence until you encountered them a few months ago. And now it appears they're involved with the missing humans in some way.” After a long pause, he said, “Artha, I think you and the others should pay a visit to the Prophets and find out what they're up to.”

All the heads in the room turned towards Mortis. The dragon and human faces reflected a mixture of emotions ranging from surprise to worry and fear. Artha felt a twinge of fear himself and asked, “Uh, do you really think that's such a good idea? They weren't exactly all that friendly when we saw them the last time.”

“Yeah,” agreed Parmon who was not even attempting to hide the fear in this voice. “In fact, they tried to kill us if I remember correctly.” Cyrano nodded agreement with that and grunted a sound that was as close to "yeah" as a dragon could get. Nearly getting crushed in the Track of Doom was something they both wished they could forget.

“But Propheci did let you all go after you saved his life,” countered Mortis. “He should be willing to at least talk to you.”

“Should?” asked Artha, casting a questioning look at the Dragon Priest. “You don't seem very sure.”

“We have no choice, Artha. Their presence in Dragon City can't be a coincidence. Going down there is the only way to find out what they want.”

Artha looked around at his friends. By their expressions, they didn't look too comfortable with the idea either, and even Beau looked worried. But they also seemed to have resigned themselves to the fact that this was their only option at the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Artha reluctantly said, “Alright. We'll go down there.” Looking over at their dragons, he continued, “We'll leave in the morning. It's a full day's journey to where the Prophets live and our dragons need to rest first. It's too far to travel there tonight, and we want to make sure they have lots of energy in case the Prophets don't exactly welcome us when we drop in.”

Everyone felt a bit uneasy, but started getting ready to feed their dragons and bed them down for the night. It was unlikely that any of them would sleep well tonight.


-----------

Chapter 12


After the long journey to the Prophets lair, Artha and his friends approached the entrance.

“Well, there doesn't seem to be much happening out here,” said Parmon.

“Then let's head inside,” said Artha knowing he had a job to do.

Everything seemed quiet as they made their way inside. There was no one around to stop them. They followed the passageway in from the entrance and this brought them to the central chamber. More passageways branched off from here. All was quiet.

“There's nobody here!” said Lance, quite surprised and feeling somewhat relieved.

"This is very strange," said Parmon.

“I guess we better look around,” offered Kitt.

“Yeah,” said Artha as he hopped off his saddle. “Let's split up and see if we can find anything to tell us where the Prophets went or what's going on. Beau and I will go this way,” as Artha pointed to indicate a passageway to an adjoining chamber.

The others dismounted as well so they could get a better look at things as they explored and everyone moved off with their dragons in separate directions.

Lance and Fracshun headed down a passageway to the right of where Artha had gone. The passageway winded its way for a short distance and opened into another smaller chamber. There wasn't much there to see. Just the usual stone support columns decorated with the Prophet's crew symbol and several doorways to other rooms scattered about the walls of the chamber.

“We'd better check all these rooms, too,” said Lance. “Fracshun, why don't you start at that end and I'll start over here. Call me if you find anything.” Fracshun chattered an “uh-huh” to acknowledge Lance and they moved off.

The rooms where fairly large themselves, having been designed for dragon proportions, and it took a while to explore each one. Lance was checking through some storage bins in the third room after having found nothing of interest in the previous two when Fracshun appeared in the doorway and began making excited noises and jumped about a bit to get Lance's attention.

Lance looked up, "Find something, Fracshun?"

"Uh-huh," his dragon replied, nodding vigorously.

"Great! Let's go see!"

Lance ran after Fracshun as he led the way. The dragon brought Lance to an enormous pile of discarded gear nearly filling one of the rooms.

"Wow! Look at all the gear!" Lance exclaimed. Lance activated his wrist communicator to call the others. “Hey guys! We found something over here!”

The others hurried over to see what Lance and Fracshun had found. When Parmon got there, he picked up a piece of gear and started examining it. After studying it for a time he said, “Do you know what this is?” while holding the gear out for the others to see.

“No, but I think you're about to tell us,” replied Artha as he crossed his arms.

“This is part of the gear the Prophets use to control their human riders. But look here. It's been taken apart and gutted. See? The main components that make it function are missing.”

The others picked up pieces of the gear from the pile to examine themselves. “This one's been taken apart, too,” said Kitt.

“And so has this one,” said Artha.

“Why would they take apart their own gear?” questioned Lance as he turned over and examined the piece of gear he had picked up while Fracshun looked over his shoulder.

"And how are they controlling their riders now?" Artha added.

“I can't be sure of course, but maybe they used the parts to make something else,” speculated Parmon with some trepidation in his voice.

“Whatever they're doing, we didn't miss them by much,” added Kitt. “I found a food storage room and there was still food there. And none of it was spoiled.”

“Something's up. That's for sure,” said Artha. “We'd better head back and tell Mortis what we found. There doesn't seem to be much else to see here and we've got a long way to go.”



It was a long way back to the Dragon Temple and it took their dragons all night to carry them the distance. Everyone was exhausted when they finally arrived. Kitt and Parmon went straight home to bed their dragons down for the night. Lance took care of Fracshun and Beau while Artha took the elevator down to the Dragon Temple to fill Mortis in on what they had found. It had been a long day and they would have to think of what their next move should be, especially since the Prophets hadn't left any clues as to where they had gone.


---------

to be continued...

Good it is good you know your stuff your good

Well, it's quite good! A few typos here and there, some commas needing to be placed in certain spots, a couple misplaced sentences, but other than that, everybody seems in canon and the idea of Propheci and the Prophets deciding to control Dragon City is interesting. :)

Yay! I'm oddly . . . proud of you for trying. That's not bad for a first fic, you seem very promising. :P

YUPPP!!!!!


LOOKS VERY promising!!!!!!

I REALLY like your idea. Word and Propheci are two characters that can be seen as representing two quite opposite views in Dragon City (Word controlling dragons, Propheci controlling humans) and using a plot device to utilize both of their policies is a very good idea.

As Skylii said, watch the commas and typos. To make the story less dry, try adding in a little more description, metaphor, and imagery--purple prose is of course awful, but a few extra adjectives wouldn't go unmissed.

Also, TENSE CHANGES. In the context of a television show on a visual medium, present tense is perhaps the most obvious choice to represent what you see on screen: he screams, you see the camera closing in on the salivating mouth of the orange dragon, there's a roar from behind them, he raises the magstaff and blasts, and so on. However, in narrative context, past tense (he ran, he said, etc) is usually the best and the most common choice. (Present tense, second person, and so on aren't bad in themselves--they're just generally harder to carry off than third-person omniscient past tense). I think past tense would be your best choice for this story, and you use it for most of it, but you switch to present tense a few times, and even start in it--this is something that really irritated me.

But good story, Furox. :)

YEP!!!! this history promised alot :D

Thanks. I was actually inspired to give it a try since everyone else here seemed to be having fun with their own works. I learned quite a bit about organizing a story with just what I've done so far.

Thanks. I just hope I can pull off the rest of it in some half way decent form. One thing I can guarantee though: no deus ex machina in my stories. :P

Right. I actually started writing this as a script since thinking just in terms of stage direction and dialogue comes more easily to me. It was all in the present tense at that point. But the script was too stilted (even for me) and I switched to a narrative form. At that point, I switched chapter 2 to the past tense (except the verbs I missed by mistake), but I left 1 and 3 in the present tense because it seemed to make them more immediate and perhaps a little more threatening. But I guess that was a bad idea, so I think I'll switch it all the past tense from now on as you suggest.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

It's looking to be a very exciting fanfic indeed. :)

Constructive Criticism:

It's good fiction for your first one, Furox, so I can't give much help. But sometimes, I notice some dialogue being split like this:

Most of the time, it's usually better if you group dialogues of the same person in one paragraph, then switch to the other in the next. That way, people don't get confused very much who's talking. But it's okay to split them if you want to emphasize part of the dialogue and indicate that it's still the same person - which was what you just did. ;) (Okay, so that really wasn't criticism.)

Then there are words that are redundant (it happens to even the best writers) like this one in the last paragraph of Chapter 1.

A glance is usually silent by definition, so it's somewhat better off without the adjective.

That's all I can find that others haven't pointed.

Favorites Points:

So there are engineers among the Prophets? That certainly puts a new spin to their namesake.

I always liked hearing about Word's plans and his explanations - they make up most of the story's plot in DB episodes. And their conversation is very much like the typical ones in the episodes, only extended. Come to think of it, it'd be funny to see Word without a detailed plan for once and have Moordryd come up with his own ideas.

Yay, the pronoun "she" is mentioned in the third chapter without the appearance of a possible Sue around. :D Good of you to bring gender equality in the fiction.

That's pretty much it. Looking forward to your later chapters! :)

Thanks!

Yeah, I don't think I did that right. Some of that is a by product of the fact that this started in script form, so there were breaks with stage direction in between. As you noticed in some places, I was trying to bring additional emphasis to something by splitting it up. But maybe that's not the right way to do it.

Yes, I've decided there must be. Someone had to have built the gear they're using, and since a dragon can't exactly walk into a store and buy human control gear off the shelf :), I decided they must have built it themselves.

I'm glad you like that. I was actually a little worried that chapter 2 was kind of long and might get boring since there's no action. But I had to get the initial plot exposition out somewhere and a Word/Moordryd scene seemed like the best choice. I'm attempting to do almost all the plot exposition with dialogue instead of just narrative blocks.

Yeah, I figured that since the Prophets are an isolated group, they would have to have an appropriate balance of males and females to maintain their numbers. And since the writers in the show appear to be avoiding the use of pronouns when referring to the dragons, I decided to go the other way. There's no reason why the female Prophets can't go out and do things.

Thanks for the comments and I hope you like the way the rest of the story goes.

I'm just about ready with the next two chapters of this story. I was wondering if there might be one or two people willing to help proof read them for me before I post. If so, just shoot me an email. Thanks!

Hey, nice fic. :D Sounds like it's going to be an interesting story.

And yay for engineers in the Prophets! ;)

Thanks! I hope I can do a decent job with it.

See! I told you it'd be good. *floats into the air in full lotus position, like a guru*

I love it! I'm really curious to find out what happens next... A very good indication of a good story *beams*

The only suggestion for writing is you seem to be writing from perched on the characters shoulders. Write from within their skin...
*Imagines you looking at this comment slightly O.o;?*
My descriptyness is a bit weird, ne...

Also, i like the sub plot foundations already falling into place... Ooh, I want to see more!

Thanks! I appreciate the encouragement you and everyone else has shown me. Hopefully, you'll like where the story goes.

Actually, I understand exactly what you mean. In fact, you said it so clearly that it's immediately obvious to me that you're right. My writing is detached from the characters since that's the natural form for technical writing which is what I'm used to doing. And now that you've pointed it out, I'm sure it's a reason why it seems so dry. So that was a really good piece of advice. Thanks!

I'll try and see if I can get in the character's skin a bit. I'm a little afraid that it's going to come out really maudlin if I do, but I can tell the story would be better if I can do it.

Thanks! That really helped.

People love maudlin... the more angst, or anything close to it, the better. Don't know why...

Glad I was a help!!

You're doing a great work :D:D:D:D:D :D:DD:D:D!!!!!

OK, I just posted chapters 4 & 5. I edited them into my first posting back at the top of this thread in order to keep all the chapters together. So just scroll back to the beginning if you'd like to read them. I also edited and fixed up chapters 1-3 based on the feedback you all gave me. It's still rather dry, but I think chapters 4 & 5 are perhaps a bit better?

I hope it's enjoyable to read. See what you think.

**Spoilers** :P

Yay, Kitt won! That was a GREAT race concept, and I can see it happening in cannon (it hasn't, right?).

These chaps were far less dry than the first, and the fic is increasing in interest. Your characterisation was also better, great work! :)

Right, it's a race I invented. Inventing a race and writing a race sequence was one of things I really wanted to do when I set out to write this story. When "Horn of Libris" first aired, it got me interested in all the different possibilities there might be for races. So I just had to do one of my own.

And I thought it was most appropriate to have Kitt win, plus it provided a way to add a little extra excitement at the very end. I felt it would have been anti-climatic if I had just let Artha win at that point. I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks! I really appreciate you saying that. :)

I agree with LF. It was brilliant, and I can't really say much except that. :)

This fics is getting interesting ;:D

OOoo. Nice. This is getting interesting and suspensful. I like suspense. :D The race was really cool too.

Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the positive comments. :)

Much better then the first! The voices fit the words now... Much closer to the way it should be *thumbs up!*
AND you've left me in suspense!

this is a good fanfic and you made my top three good work . :D :D :D :lol: :lol:

Chapter 4:

You did another exciting chapter here. :D Wyldfyr did some of her own expression that mirrors Kitt's haughty self and it looks like they work better in a relationship if they were a bit more competitive instead of smothering each other with goofy looks like in the early episodes.

The Maze Challenge was an innovative challenge - at last, one that requires humans and dragons to be separate yet equals. ;) Intense descriptions as well.

Yeah, Kitt wins something on her own! Three times! They should make Kitt race more often. :)

Looks like Lance has been spending time with Mortis as well. :) He could be the messenger now.

Chapter 5:

Blindly fight to the death Wow, this sentence and the rest of the paragraph make it sound they've been fighting wraiths for a long time, though only the Dragon Booster has fought them directly so far (if I'm not mistaken).

I was a bit surprised when everyone but Mortis and including their dragons shouted at Parmon. :huh: Usually they take the explanations casually or Artha translates for him.

Also, though this may be a fanfic, I find it good that the responsibilities of taking care of a dragon was underscored by Kitt's list. In canon, Parmon briefly compounded on the fact that dragons need a lot of food and therefore is a great responsibility, in "The Choosing Part 1".

And what happened to Mortis? He was there with four lines of dialogue and somehow got left out in the conclusion.

Possible Constructive Criticism:

The only thing that bothered me was Lance's other line:

"So why would so many of them suddenly go missing?" asked a puzzled Lance.

It doesn't seem like Lance to speak about something for that long, unless it was something important like talking about releasing the dragon. Maybe like:

"So why are they all gone?" asked Lance.

And maybe it's just me, but Lance seems a bit less childish, but I guess this is a serious situation. Then again, Lance has been funny in serious situations. :)

OH! IT´S GREAT!

finish it!

Right. Mortis doesn't seem to want to use the com-link. We've only seen him use it once in 19 episodes, so I figured it was better to let Lance relay the message.

True. I'm taking a few liberties here. Since Dragon Booster isn't a moment-to-moment chronological series where the next episode begins exactly where the last one left off, I'm assuming stuff has happened in between the episodes we see. So I'm assuming that the gang has had other encounters with wraith dragons that we haven't seen, and I'm assuming that the others have gotten more directly involved over time, and so may have dealt with them more directly. I also wanted to up the danger element for this story. While we would never see a wraith dragon hurt anyone (let alone fight to the death) in a kid's TV series, it is logical to assume that Word could order a wraith dragon to do just that. So I wanted to establish a threat level based on that.

I think I over did that. I didn't intend for it to come across quite that intense. I'll try to re-word that to add a bit of a playful element to it.

Yeah, I wanted to establish and justify why there would be humans without dragons.

I actually feel the same way. I didn't know what else to have him say at this point in the story. Mortis is basically just there to issue the Call to Adventure to the heroes. I considered giving him some of the dialogue about dragon care, but I liked it better with Kitt saying it. I tried to think of some sage words of advice he could give, but I couldn't think of anything useful at this point that doesn't give away too much about what's coming up. Maybe I should take Artha's last line and give it to Mortis and embellish it a bit? I'm open to suggestions if you have any. I felt Mortis should have said more in this scene as well.

You may be right. That line may be a bit too mature for Lance to say. Though Lance is an odd character. He's listed as being 10 years old, yet looks more like 8 to me. And at times, he behaves more like he's 12. In the "Wraith Booster," he's raising questions that Moordryd hasn't thought through (or perhaps has tried to deny) and getting into Moordryd's motivations in a way that goes beyond what a 10 year old should be able to do. So at times he can act more mature than his years.


Thanks for all the feedback, Daigerus!

And thanks Natalilly, Samurox and dyane for the compliments!

This story is AWESOME! Very well written and thought out. I like the whole thing. It really shows the characters well and makes them seem more "alive" which I like to see. But when do the dragons get mentioned in this? I would like to Beau more involved in the story somehow besides the racing scene and all...

Thanks! I'm glad to hear you like it.

I'm trying to have them do more in the upcoming chapters. I'm finding it a bit difficult to include them much at this point in the story since I have a lot of plot exposition to get through and the dragons obviously can't deliver the dialog that's needed. But there is a chapter coming up where one dragon (I won't say which one yet :ph43r: ) is on its own for the entire chapter. I'll try to think if there's a way I can have them contribute more to the story at this stage of things.

I got some work done on this story on plane flight to and from Hawaii, so I'll have a couple more chapters to post soon.

Thanks for the feedback, DragonBooster500!

That's true Furox, I'm dying to know whats happen next

Chapter 6 posted!

I bet you thought I had abandoned this story, didn't you. :D Not in the least! I've been working on it slowly and steadily and I have the next six chapters in various stages of completion. I think this one is finally ready to share, so here it is. Hopefully, people are still interested in reading this. :)

This chapter and the next are about the slowest points of the story. Artha and company have to discover the next clue and I wanted it to progress logically, and that unfortunately takes time to walk through. I trimmed this down to what I thought was the bare minimum. I hope it's not too boring. There's some action coming up soon in the story, so it gets better if you can get past this section.

Also, I revised chapters 1-5 based on people's feedback. I think it reads better now and is less dry. I mention that because I wanted you all to know that I really do listen to the feedback and make changes. So thanks for the comments.

All the revisions and the new chapter 6 are merged into the first posting of this thread. That way everything's together and there's no confusion over what's old and what's new. So what you're reading up there is the most recent version of the story as it currently stands.

Chapter 6 may not be exciting, but I hope it's at least a little intriguing. Let me know what you think. ;)

Nice chap, and not boring at all. :) Maybe you were just picking up on the mood you wrote Artha in. That happens to me sometimes. :P

I LIKE IT!!!!!!


The mistery is arising and inritrige tooo!!!!! TYAY!!!! keep it up :D:D:D:D

Love it
More
More
Please :P

Thanks for the comments everyone! I appreciate it! I'm glad that last chapter didn't turn out boring. I was a bit worried because it was so much dialogue happening in one place and nothing much else going on. It's nice to hear that you liked it and that it came out OK.

Well, here you go then... :)

Chapter 7 Posted!

I just added it into the first posting up at the top of this thread. This chapter focuses on Decepshun. It's more plot exposition, but my hope was that by telling it largely from Decepshun's point of view, that it would help keep it interesting. Plus it gives me a chance to do some character development for Decepshun which is sorely lacking in the show. I feel better about this chapter than the last, but you folks will be the judge of that. I hope you like it. Any comments are appreciated. :)

Nice chapter. :)

You've given Decepshun an interesting personality, one that's backed up with logical reasoning. Good work.

YEAH!!!!!!

Very interesting cahpter :D:D:D here you showed perfectly Dragon's personality :D:D:D

Love the Chapter
You really went out of you way with Decepshun's personality.
"On the other claw"
Love that saying nice work.