05 - There's No Place Like Home

Transcript by Angela

Director of Animation: Robert D. M. Smith
Writer: Mark Leiren-Young
Director: Gail Harvey

PETER: That's better. Mark, I knew your life in America would be a little different. But I had no idea you'd be hanging out with a superhero from a video game! So, where's he gonna live? And what happens when he's low on power? I don't know ... This whole Ace Lightning thing is pretty strange!

MARK: Well, even superheroes who come out of video games have their bad days, Pete.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

ANVIL: Anvil break Ace! Anvil crush Ace!

LORD FEAR: That's the spirit, my mighty minion!

Anvil crushes the cardboard cutout of Ace and laughs.

ANVIL: Ace broken!

LORD FEAR: Yes! Excellent work!

ANVIL: Ace Lightning not scare Anvil!

ACE: Boo!

ANVIL: Wagh!

He and Lord Fear both jump.

There's No Place Like Home

ACE: Care to try the real thing?

ANVIL: Anvil not afraid of anyone! Anvil grind you to dust!

He dives at Ace who jumps out of the way. Anvil hits the side of the dumpster.

ACE: It looks like you need a lift!

He lifts Anvil into the air.

ANVIL: Let Anvil go!

ACE: My pleasure!

Ace drops him into the dumpster.

STAFF HEAD: Begging your pardon, Lord, but that's what you get when you send a hammer to do a Staff's job!

ANVIL: That not hurt ... much!

LORD FEAR: And your next move, hmm?

ACE: And that's ...

He begins to flicker from loss of power.

ACE: And ... And that's what you can expect if you ever try leaving the carnival again!

He flies off.

STAFF HEAD: Oh, I can't believe Lightning bolted!

LORD FEAR: It appears our do-gooder Ace is running low on power. If we can just keep him from recharging, then it's lights out for Lightning!

Staff Head laughs evilly.

SCENE: Observatory

CHESEBOROUGH: With the power to see beyond our own solar system, this telescope, weighing 20 tons, was once considered the finest in the western hemisphere. Pluto had just been discovered, and astronomers were scanning the skies for new planets, new solar systems and even new galaxies. The universe was opening up literally before our very eyes. It was a most exciting time, as you can well imagine, and I can remember my own father ...

CHUCK: This is where it all happened, dude!

MARK: Where what happened?

CHUCK: Only the coolest story in the history of Conestoga Hills! The legend ... of the Radioactive Guy! Cornelius Fowler was working late one dark and stormy night when he saw a comet coming from deep in outer space - maybe another galaxy.

CORNELIUS: That's my comet! That's my comet!

CHUCK: He brought it back to the observatory and decided to open it up.

CORNELIUS: They said I was crazy, eh? I'll show them! I'll show them all! Agh!

CHUCK: It was radioactive! After that, the dude lost it. Went totally crazy. He wouldn't let anyone into the observatory.

MAN FROM OUTSIDE: Cornelius, we just want to help you!

CORNELIUS: You cannae come in! No one can ever come in again! I'm radioactive! I'm raidoactive! (over and over)

CHUCK: No one ever saw him again. They say he still haunts the observatory, waiting to attack! Agh!

CHESEBOROUGH: (to Brett who is leaning on the transformer) Get away from there! Get away from ... ! Get, boy ... get away! This transformer contains millions of volts of electricity! (to Chuck who is taking photos) Put that away! Do you have any idea what happens when you come in contact with millions of volts of electricity? What?

WAYNE: You get a shock.

CHESEBOROUGH: No, you idiot! I get paperwork - mountains of it! This field trip is over. Back to the bus. Go on! Go, go, go, go. Oh, I know, it's all fun and games until somebody gets electrocuted - ha, ha, ha!

SCENE: Outside observatory

SAM: Hey, Mark! Me and my friends are going to the mall today. Do you wanna come?

MARK: Sure! That'd be brilliant. Oh, wait, I can't come. My little cousin's coming over and I promised her we'd hang out.

SAM: Oh. Oh, well, then, some other time.

MARK: Sure.

BRETT: Sam, come on. We can get a seat together.

CHESEBOROUGH: Time is energy, Hollander. Move it.

Mark gets on and the bus drives off.

SCENE: Mark's garage

ACE: Hello? Anybody home? Hmm!

He uses one of Mark's father's tools to power up.

ACE: That's better!

MARK: Ace, those are my dad's tools! How many times have I told you, you can't power up in here anymore! My dad's electrical bill is costing him a fortune!

ACE: Ah, get over it, kid. We are Lightning Knights. You can't put a price tag on saving the world.

MARK: You're trying to save the world! I'm just trying to lead a normal life!

ACE: Look, kid, I need a place to live. I'd have a normal life, too, if I had a home to hang my cape ... if I had a cape.

GIRL'S VOICE: Marky Mark!

ACE: Watch your back! We've got an intruder!

MARK: Er, no. That's just my cousin. This might be a good time for you to go.

ACE: Right. Catch you later, kid.

Ace flies out the door and Ashley comes running in.

ASHLEY: Marky Mark! I want to see the carnival!

MARK: Sure, Ashley. We'll go after dinner.

ASHLEY: OK. Then you change my doll.

MARK: Change her into what?

ASHLEY: She wet herself.

MARK: Oh, right. Right. I think I'd rather be saving the world.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

Chuck is playing a game.

DUFF: Whoa! Hey, hey, kid, watch it!

CHUCK: What?! That's my curve ball!

MARK: Mind if I have a go?

CHUCK: Fire away, dude!

DUFF: Whoa! Nice shot! Ladies and gentlemen, there goes a big one! Way to go, son!

SAM: (about Mark's prize) That's cute.

MARK: Have it. It's yours.

SAM: Thanks.

DUFF: (to Chuck) Hey, kid, watch it!

SAM: I thought you couldn't come out.

MARK: Yeah. Change of plans. What happened to the mall?

SAM: Brett wanted to come here instead.

ASHLEY: Are you Marky Mark's girlfriend?

MARK: Ashley!

BRETT: Hey, Mark. What's up.

ASHLEY: Marky won a dolly for his girlfriend!

BRETT: HIS girlfriend?

MARK: She makes stuff up all the time.

ASHLEY: Marky has a girlfriend. Marky has a girlfriend.

BRETT: Let's go check out that mini-coaster. See you around.

MARK: Er, right. See ya.

Chuck gets ready for another throw.

CHUCK: Here comes the heat!

Mark sees Ace fly down.

MARK: Ah, Chuck, could you look after Ashley for a moment?

CHUCK: No sweat, dude!

DUFF: Wait, wait, wait! Kid, please! Look, I'm begging ya. Look, anything you want! How about a fish, huh? Just cease fire, okay?

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

MARK: Ace, what are you doing here?

ACE: Time to power up, kid. Since I can't use your energy sources anymore, I have to come here. This carnival's got more juice than a car battery.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

Ashley puts her bucket up onto the booth and heads after Mark.

CHUCK: Come on, Ashley. Let's try darts.

He sees the bucket and realizes that Ashley's disappeared.

CHUCK: Ashley?

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

MARK: Ace, this place is dangerous. Lord Fear and his gang could be anywhere.

ACE: Tell me something I don't know, kid. Hold on. This will only take a second. And remember, kid, don't try this at home!

Ashley walks up.

ASHLEY: You're ... you're a cartoon!

MARK: Ashley, I told you to stay with Chuck!

ASHLEY: How do you comb your hair?

ACE: Er ... Excuse me?

MARK: Pay no attention to her. She's just my cousin.

ACE: Looks like we've got company! Duck!

ANVIL: You made Anvil angry! Anvil still angry!

Ace shoots at him.

ACE: Take a hike, kid. I can handle it from here. Go on.

ANVIL: I'm gonna squash a lightning bug!

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

ASHLEY: We have to go help the cartoon man.

MARK: It's OK, Ashley. He can help himself.

CHUCK: Somebody call for help?

ASHLEY: Mark's friend needs help. He's a cartoon.

CHUCK: Cartoon? What cartoon?

MARK: I think she's talking about the Radioactive Guy.

ASHLEY: We saw him!

CHUCK: Did not!

ASHLEY: Did, too!

CHUCK: Kids! Ashley, you couldn't have seen the Radioactive Guy because everybody knows he never leaves the observatory.

ASHLEY: Did, too! I want to see the cartoon man!

MARK: OK, maybe he's at my house. Let's go find him.

Rat comes out from behind some yellow toy birds.

RAT: Tweet-tweet! (Evil laughter)

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

ACE: I'm beginning to think you don't like me!

ANVIL: You make fun of Anvil! Anvil ram your jokes down your throat!

ACE: Remember those words, Anvil. You're gonna start regretting them real soon.

Ace tries to lift off but fails. Anvil comes at him and Ace manages to get into the air before Anvil can hit him. He flies off.

LORD FEAR: Excellent work, my massive minion!

ANVIL: Anvil happy!

LORD FEAR: It appears our costumed nemesis is almost out of power. Next time we meet ...

ANVIL: Anvil pummelise Ace!

SCENE: Mark's house - Ashley's room

DOLL: I'm wet. Change me.

ASHLEY: OK.

RAT: Hey, kid! Let me in!

Ashley goes over to the window.

ASHLEY: Who are you?

RAT: What's it look like? I'm a birdie!

ASHLEY: Birdies don't talk.

RAT: Well, this one does, you little ... you little sweetheart, you!

ASHLEY: I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.

RAT: I ain't no stranger! I told you, I'm a birdie!

Mark overhears them and hurries upstairs to investigate.

RAT: Hey, why don't we go visit the Radioactive Guy?

ASHLEY: I know where he lives. You're a ratty-looking bird!

MARK: Ashley, get away from there!

RAT: Uh, oh.

ASHLEY: I'm talking to the ratty bird!

Mark closes the window on Rat and he flies away.

MARK: Don't ever talk to that bird again!

ASHLEY: But he knows the Radioactive Guy!

MARK: Don't ever talk about the Radioactive Guy, either!

ASHLEY: You're not the boss of me!

She runs out of the room.

SCENE: Mark's house - downstairs

SIMON: I promise you, as soon as I find the warranty for this sander I'm gonna take it straight back to the hardware shop. I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!

ASHLEY: Aunt Fiona! Marky's being mean! All because of the stupid Radioactive Guy!

FIONA: Mark, have you been telling your cousin scary stories?

MARK: No!

FIONA: Then who's this radio guy?

MARK: I don't know. She must have made it up. Ashley, you mustn't make up stories!

ASHLEY: I'm not making up stories! I'll show you!

She runs upstairs to her room.

ASHLEY: I'll find him and bring him home, then they'll know I was telling the truth!

SCENE: Mark's house (Sometime later)

FIONA: I thought she gave up that hide and seek game!

SIMON: Ashley! Ashley!

FIONA: Game's over, Ashley! Darling, you can come out now!

SIMON: I mean, where could she have gone?

FIONA: I haven't the faintest idea. It's going to be dark soon.

SIMON: I'd better call the police.

FIONA: It's so unlike her to run off like this. She doesn't even know her way around this town.

MARK: The carnival! Dad, it's OK. I know where she's gone.

SIMON: Hello. Police?

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

ASHLEY: Radioactive Guy? Where are you? Radioactive Guy? Where are you?

Ace drops down.

ASHLEY: Radioactive Guy!

ACE: There's a lot of people worried about you. It's time to go home.

Anvil comes out of the strength machine.

ACE: I don't know about you, kid, but I'd give a gigabyte to have a place called home.

ANVIL: Anvil punch to pulp!

ASHLEY: We can go home now!

ANVIL: Stand still, you weakling! Stand still and fight Anvil!

Ashley runs screaming to Mark.

MARK: You're going to be fine. I'm not so sure about him.

ACE: That ... tickled.

ANVIL: This not tickle!

Anvil punches Ace and his power level drops to 20%.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

Chuck rides up to Mark and Ashley.

CHUCK: Your parents are freaking, dude! Is Ashley OK?

MARK: Yeah. She's fine.

ASHLEY: It's the Radioactive Guy.

CHUCK: I told you, you couldn't have seen the Radioactive Guy!

MARK: I don't know, Chuck. It sure looked like the Radioactive Guy to me.

CHUCK: That's just fiction, dude. You know, like a cartoon or a video game or ... the Radioactive Guy!

Ace stumbles up behind them, flickering from loss of power.

CHUCK: He left the observatory!

MARK: Oh, Chuck, the observatory! You're brilliant!

Chuck grabs Ashley and runs screaming out of the carnival.

ACE: Didn't ... feel ... a thing.

LORD FEAR: You dared to invade my domain, and now this battle is nearly finished!

ACE: Why? Are you ready to surrender?

LORD FEAR: Never.

Mark rides up to Ace on Chuck's scooter.

MARK: Get on!

ACE: We can't run, kid. Lightning Knights fight till the end!

MARK: We're not running. We're scooting. Now zap the engine!

Ace zaps the engine and hops on the back. Mark rides out of the carnival.

LORD FEAR: Don't just stand there, you brainless bungler! They're escaping!

DUFF: What the Sam Hill is all this racket?

LORD FEAR: Duff! Get the truck! This fight isn't over!

SCENE: Observatory

Ace's power is down to 12%.

ACE: Listen, kid, if I don't make it, you can defeat Lord Fear without me. Just use your powers.

MARK: Rubbish. Once you use the transformer, you'll be fine.

Lord Fear and Anvil walk in.

LORD FEAR: Is this a private funeral or can anyone join the festivities?

STAFF HEAD: Oh, yeah, you always put the fun in funerals, your Lordship!

ANVIL: Anvil brought punch! Big punch! Ha, ha, ha!

MARK: Ace!

Ace tries to get to the transformer and falls.

MARK: Ace!

ACE: You ... called?

ANVIL: Anvil crush him now?

LORD FEAR: Wait. Let's prolong the agony.

ANVIL: Yeah!

Lord Fear powers up Staff Head as Ace reaches the transformer and powers up.

STAFF HEAD: Looks like we've got a bit of a problem, my Lord.

LORD FEAR: Why is it always me?

ACE: I told you not to leave the carnival!

Lord Fear heads for the door.

LORD FEAR: You survived my attack once, Ace Lightning ... but I won't be so careless a second time!

ANVIL: Anvil not afraid! Anvil break you!

Ace picks him up and throws him out the roof.

ACE: Happy landing, big guy!

SCENE: Outside observatory

Anvil lands in front of Lord Fear.

STAFF HEAD: How nice of you to drop in!

ANVIL: Did I break him?

LORD FEAR: Oh, shut up!

SCENE: Observatory

MARK: Well, Ace, looks like we found you a new home. Nice one!

They hi-five and Mark wrings out his hand.

MARK: Ah!

SCENE: Outside observatory

The ice-cream truck drives down the road.

LORD FEAR: Oh, we'll be back, and next time we'll destroy his source of power and be rid of Lightning forever!

STAFF HEAD: I couldn't agree more, my Lord!

SCENE: Mark's house

ASHLEY: I went to the carnival alone, then after we saw the Radioactive Guy, Chuck took me home.

POLICE OFFICER: Well, I'm just glad you're home safe and sound, young lady. She has quite the imagination.

FIONA: Yes, we know. Thank you, officer.

The police officer leaves.

SIMON: Ashley, you can't take off like that ever again.

FIONA: Uncle Simon's right. You had us worried sick.

ASHLEY: But the Radioactive Guy needed me. Ask Marky - it's true!

SIMON: Mark, would you mind telling us what this Radioactive Guy thing is all about?

MARK: There is no Radioactive Guy.

FIONA: Mark, what is she talking about?

MARK: I wanna tell you, but it'll put both your lives at risk.

SIMON: We'll take that chance, Mark. Go ahead.

MARK: OK, but don't say I didn't warn you. His real name is Ace Lightning. He came out of my video game along with Lord Fear and his gang of evil villains from the Sixth Dimension. 'Cause Ace Lightning doesn't know anything about the real world, he needs my help to beat them because if Lord Fear gets my piece of the Amulet, then Ace Lightning will vanish into the data stream and the world will be doomed.

There is a long silence.

SIMON: Well ... thank you, son.

FIONA: Yes, very enlightening.

MARK: Right. I'll take Ashley and tuck her in.

FIONA: 'Night, Ashley.

Mark and Ashley go upstairs.

SIMON: Well ... that's what we get for letting him watch too much American telly.

FIONA: At least he's playing outside.

SCENE: Mark's house - Ashley's room

ASHLEY: I won't tell anyone about Ace Lightning ever again. I promise.

MARK: Thanks, Ashley. That means a lot to me.

ASHLEY: You're a way better superhero, anyway.

She hugs him.

MARK: (V. O.) Well, Pete, looks like we've finally found a home for Ace Lightning. We're calling it the Thunder Tower, like his headquarters in the video game. Once he powers up there, nothing can stop him. I finally think we stand a fighting chance against Lord Fear.


THE END