03 - The Substitute

Transcript by Angela

Director of Animation: Robert D. M. Smith, Willy Ashworth
Writer: Sean Kelly
Director: Don McCutcheon

SCENE: Mark's room

PETE: Hey, Mark. Pete here. Sounds like it's been really tough making friends out there. But I can see why. I mean, if you keep going on about characters coming out of your video game ... Mark, even if it's true, I wouldn't tell anyone else. They might send you to the nearest loony-bin.

MARK: I'm not afraid of going to the loony-bin, Pete. I'm afraid of what Lord Fear might try to do to get my piece of the Amulet.

SCENE: Science class

VIDEO: Do the names Franklin, Edison and Watt mean anything to you?

CHESEBOROUGH: Wake up, you!

VIDEO: ... in the field of electricity? Then it's time ...

CHESEBOROUGH: Sit still! Pay attention! There will be a quiz.

VIDEO: Since Ben Franklin flew a kite in 1952, scientists have marveled at ...

Up in the grate, Rat is spying on Mark. He sees the Amulet piece hanging around Mark's neck.

RAT: Hee, hee, hee, hee! Bingo! Hee, hee, hee, hee!

Rat comes out of the grate in an empty room. Lord Fear yanks him out of the air.

RAT: Oh, yeah, I hate it when you do that!

LORD FEAR: Quit jabbering, you idiot. Have you found him?

RAT: Oh, yeah. I sure did, boss. Up there! And he's got the Amulet!

LORD FEAR: The Amulet? You're sure?

RAT: I'm sure, I'm sure! Have I ever let you down before, LF? Oh!

Lord Fear drops him.

LORD FEAR: Repeatedly. But now we shall have the infinite pleasure of eliminating this so-called Lightning Knight. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! And you, my faithful Rat, may do the honours.

RAT: Hee, hee, hee, hee! Oh, I love this part of the job!

The Substitute

SCENE: Outside the school

LORD FEAR: Once Ace Lightning's sidekick is out of the way, we'll be one step closer to getting out of this dimension. Another piece of the Amulet will be mine!

RAT: Boss, this joint gives me the creeps.

STAFF HEAD: It's called a school, you vacuous vermin. It's a place where mortals learn.

RAT: Oh, yeah? Well, it reminds me of prison in the Sixth Dimension.

LORD FEAR: Without his sidekick, Ace Lightning will be a pitiful, helpless super-zero.

ACE: Lord Fear in school? Just in time for a little physical education.

LORD FEAR: Ace Lightning, I must say this is an unexpected pleasure.

Ace kicks Rat out of the air.

ACE: I'll give you an A for effort, Rat. But an F for execution.

Lord Fear fires at Ace. Ace fires a volley of shots at Lord Fear.

LORD FEAR: Next time you won't be so lucky! Sooner or later I will pulverize you and your puny sidekick.

ACE: You'll leave him out of this!

The school bell rings.

LORD FEAR: Hm.

He aims a shot at the students coming out of school. Ace flies at him but Lord Fear shoots him down with Staff Head.

LORD FEAR: Class dismissed. (Evil laughter)

SCENE: Ice-cream truck

DUFF: Camptown Ladies sing that song, doo da, doo da ...

LORD FEAR: Duff!

DUFF: What? What? What? I didn't do it!

LORD FEAR: Get us out of here, you bumbling oaf! And step on it!

DUFF: Never sell any ice-cream with him around.

SCENE: Rooftop of the school

Ace watches the school bus drive off down the road.

ACE: Aah ... good. At least they're safe. For now.

SCENE: Mark's house

MARK: (opening mail and finding a postcard from England) Yes! "You missed the party of the century at Holly's house. Wish you were here."

*Crash*

ACE: Er ... your door's broken.

MARK: My dad's going to freak when he sees that!

ACE: Forget about the door. This is serious. Lord Fear is on your tail. We had a rumble at your school today.

MARK: But that's impossible. He can't leave the Carnival at this level. It says so right here in the rulebook.

ACE: Lord Fear is playing by a different set of rules, kid. Do you still have that piece of the Amulet?

MARK: Yeah. I never let it out of my sight.

ACE: That's what he's after, Mark. Why don't you give it back to me? That way you'd be safe.

MARK: No. I'll keep it. I said I'd be your partner and I meant it. I won't break my promise.

ACE: Way to go, kid. Heroes always keep their promises.

MARK: I'm not a hero. I just want to figure out how to get my life back to normal.

ACE: That makes two of us.

The doorbell rings.

MARK: Don't move. And don't touch anything.

Mark opens the door.

CHUCK: Hey, dude. What are you up to? You want a shot, man? Sometimes it comes out your nose. It's really cool.

MARK: No. I'm not that hungry.

CHUCK: What's that? Sounds like a blender. Are you making milkshakes?

MARK: Chuck, it's not a good time.

CHUCK: How come? Is somebody else here? Another friend?

MARK: Well, no. Not exactly.

Ace backs away from the blender and shoots it with both wrist cannons.

CHUCK: Who is it? Brett? Samantha?

MARK: Chuck, you can't come in.

CHUCK: I understand. We have been hanging around for two days already. You're probably sick of me. I'll see you around.

Chuck leaves. Mark goes back into the kitchen.

MARK: Ace! Not the blender! It's not enough you've messed my life up, you've got to wreck my house, too.

ACE: Am I missing something here? Lord Fear is the problem, not the blender. Now listen up. I've got a plan.

MARK: Great.

ACE: We go to the Carnival of Doom and find out what Lord Fear is up to. We might get his piece of the Amulet.

MARK: I can't go. My parents will be home soon. I've got to set the table and ...

ACE: Kid, Lord Fear's power is growing. We are the only Lightning Knights who can stop him.

MARK: I can't go. My parents have rules.

ACE: Well, tell them the rules have changed.

Ace flies out the door.

MARK: Right. I'll just leave them a note. "Gone to save the world. Be home for dinner."

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

MARK: Ace! Are you here?

ACE: (whispering) Hey, psst! This way! Follow me!

Mark follows Ace.

ACE: Right! Psst! Over here.

He and Mark hide near a stall. Lord Fear and the Rat come past.

RAT: Huh?

He sniffs the air.

LORD FEAR: What is it?

RAT: I caught a whiff of a mortal. But it's gone.

LORD FEAR: Come.

Pigface comes out of the rubbish bin.

ACE: Come on. Let's get closer.

Rat spots them.

RAT: Hey, chumps! Heads up!

Ace fires at him and he dodges, laughing. He throws a ball back at them. It explodes and the bad guys escape in the ice-cream truck while Ace is still recovering from the gas.

MARK: They're gone. This is not good.

ACE: You said it, kid. I'd give a gigabyte to know where they were going.

SCENE: School (Night)

LORD FEAR: (in the ice-cream truck) Now, remember. We're not here to hurt him. We just want to borrow him for a while.

ANVIL: Ha, ha! Yes, boss.

CHESEBOROUGH: (in his office marking tests) Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! Another well-deserved F! Wrong. Wrong. Right. For the wrong reason!

Pigface squeals. Cheseborough jumps up in fright as Lord Fear pokes his head into the room.

CHESEBOROUGH: Who are you? Could I see y-y-your hall ... pass, please?

LORD FEAR: Ah, you must be the school teacher. We need help with an extracurricular project.

CHESEBOROUGH: Y-y-you stay away from me!

Pigface gulps down the vial of green liquid Cheseborough throws at him.

PIGFACE: Hm! Not bad!

CHESEBOROUGH: That's school property, young man. I mean ... young pig. Young ... pig ... man. Oh, Mother!

Lord Fear gets hold of Cheseborough's leg as he tries to escape.

LORD FEAR: Relax. We're just pulling your leg.

CHESEBOROUGH: This is an outrage! I'm a science teacher! I have tenure! I have a parking spot!

SCENE: Mark's house

FIONA: Are you sure you haven't seen the blender?

SIMON: It's probably in a box somewhere. It'll turn up. Sorry I missed you yesterday. Work went pretty late. How's it going?

MARK: Er ... fine.

SIMON: Do anything special?

MARK: No. Same old stuff. Trying to save the world as we know it.

SIMON: Good to hear. I'd better go. I'm running late.

FIONA: All right, darling.

SIMON: Bye-bye, love. Have a good day.

MARK: Dad, wait! The door!

SIMON: The whole place is falling to bits.

FIONA: Shoddy American construction, that's what it is. It's a wonder these houses are still standing.

SIMON: I'll fix it tonight.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

Cheseborough is locked in a cage.

LORD FEAR: Today promises to be a most interesting day at school. Isn't that right, teacher? (Evil laugh)

Lady Illusion transforms into Mr Cheseborough.

SCENE: School

RAT: Aha!

The kids are playing soccer. Mark has the ball.

BRETT: Mark! Mark!

MARK: Brett!

EVERYONE: Goal! Goal! Goal! Goal!

Brett shoots and the ball goes into the goal.

MARK: Nice goal!

BRETT: It was a perfect pass.

RAT: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee! Enjoy it now, kid. You're about to meet your nightmare.

SCENE: Science class

CHESEBOROUGH: Obedient to Ampere's Law and Faraday's Law, this electrostatic generator, also called a ... dynamo, converts mechanical energy into electrical energy ... thus.

BOY: Ow!

CHESEBOROUGH: Science! It's so electric, isn't it? Now if I apply a lot more mechanical energy, I should produce a much more powerful electrical current. Any volunteers?

WAYNE: (Waving Chuck's hand in the air) Hey, Mr C. Over here.

CHUCK: Cut it out, Wayne! Let me go!

CHESEBOROUGH: Ah, we have a volunteer.

WAYNE: Give Chucky Upchuck some shock therapy. Maybe it'll cure his barfing sickness.

MARK: Maybe it's your face that makes him puke.

WAYNE: You looking for new friends, Hollander? You're about to meet my fist.

Chuck bites Wayne's arm. Mark gets up to separate them.

MARK: It's okay, Chuck! Don't eat him!

CHESEBOROUGH: Ah, Mr Hollander. Old chappy. My favourite troublemaker. Would you like to volunteer?

BRETT: Wayne started it.

SAM: Yeah. That's not fair.

Cheseborough growls and yanks a piece off the corner of the desk as he passes.

CHESEBOROUGH: I will decide what's fair here! Mr Hollander, Mr Mugel. You can both come to detention tomorrow. 3pm. Yes. I think that will be most enjoyable.

The bell rings.

CHESEBOROUGH: Remember, boys and girls, there will be a quiz. Oh, yes, there will be a quiz.

SCENE: Lockers

CHUCK: Oh, man! Detention! This is so cool!

MARK: Maybe it's different here. Back home, detention's a bad thing.

CHUCK: Don't you get it? Everyone saw me take a bite out of Wayne. It's totally worth it sitting in Cheseborough's class for a few hours.

MARK: Maybe. But what's with Cheseborough? Did you see what he did to that desk?

CHUCK: That was awesome! It was straight out of a Jackie Chan movie! Hi-ya!

MARK: Exactly. Something's not right, Chuck. We may need to pay another visit to the Carnival.

CHUCK: I'm psyched for some action, dude. Let's rock'n'roll! (He hits his hand on the locker) Ouch.

Brett and Samantha walk up.

BRETT: I can't believe Cheesey gave you that detention. That totally sucked. Nothing even happened to Wayne.

SAM: Well, he did have to get a tetanus shot from the nurse.

CHUCK: Sweet!

BRETT: Will you come to soccer practice after school? We could really use you on the team.

MARK: Thanks, Brett. That would be brilliant.

CHUCK: But I thought we were going to the Carnival.

MARK: Oh, right.

SAM: What is it with you guys and that carnival?

MARK: Er ... nothing. We'd better go. We'll chat later about the team, Brett. Bye.

BRETT: I like the new kid, but he seems kind of different, you know?

SAM: Yeah, I know.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

Mark flips through the rulebook. He ends up on Lady Illusion's page.

CHUCK: Hey, dude.

MARK: Okay. The first thing to do is find Mr Cheseborough.

CHUCK: Cheseborough?

MARK: Yeah. I can't explain it but I think he's around here somewhere. We'll split up and I'll meet you back here in ten minutes.

CHUCK: Fine with me, amigo.

Sam watches them go.

DUFF: Ladies and gents! Boils and germs! Step up, step up, and be prepared to be frightened to near death. I have for you here today our latest wonder ...

He hits the sheet with his stick.

CHESEBOROUGH: Ow!

DUFF: For your personal chills and thrills. So ... behold!

He whips the cover off the cage.

DUFF: The Mad ... Scientist!

CHESEBOROUGH: I'm not mad! I'm angry! Let me out of here! Let me out! Let me out! I am not an animal! I am a prisoner! The monsters have got me! The monsters!

DUFF: Please do not feed the Mad Scientist, folks!

CHESEBOROUGH: You've got to let me out of here! Please!

Cheseborough grabs at Duff's leg.

DUFF: The monster's got me!

CHESEBOROUGH: I have classes to teach! They'll hire a substitute! Do you want someone teaching the law of physics when they can't even spell "law"? Please! Please!

Mark is still looking for Cheseborough. Rat and Pigface come at him. Mark picks up a piece of wood and uses it to fend off Pigface.

RAT: Go on! Go on!

Mark falls down.

PIGFACE: I'm gonna squash this bug!

RAT: Easy, Piggy. The boss wants live bait.

Ace hovers behind them.

MARK: Ace!

RAT: Oh, yeah. Sure, sure. You really think we're going to fall for that old trick? How stupid do we look?

MARK: Do you want an honest answer?

PIGFACE: Now I squash him?

ACE: Is this a private party or can anyone join?

RAT: Uh-oh.

ACE: Care to pick on someone who can fight back?

PIGFACE: I'm through fooling around. He was just the appetizer. You are the main course.

ACE: Well, I'm flattered, pork rind. You know, I could go for a little back bacon myself.

Ace shoots Pigface and he disappears back into the rubbish bin.

ACE: Time for that little piggy to go home.

RAT: Hey, Ace. Er ... you know we didn't mean no harm. We were just er ... you know, like ... playing around.

ACE: Oh, you want to play. Okay. Let's have some real fun.

RAT: Yah!

He flies away.

ACE: Piece of cake.

MARK: Speaking of cake, I'd better go find Chuck.

ACE: Wait. Did they say anything else?

MARK: Er ... not really. Oh, something about live bait. Oh, no! Chuck!

Mark runs off. Chuck is trying to get sauce out of a bottle.

MARK: Chuck! Are you okay?

CHUCK: No, man. I'm totally bummed. They're out of powered sugar.

MARK: But you found Mr Cheseborough.

CHUCK: Er ... not yet.

MARK: What have you been doing all this time?

CHUCK: Eating.

MARK: Chuck, some things are more important than food! I was depending on you to find him.

CHUCK: But we're still friends, right? We can still play the game together?

MARK: We're still friends. Come on. Let's go find Mr Cheseborough.

SAM: I already found him. He was in a cage doing some kind of clown act or something.

CHUCK: Cool. We know where he is. Can we eat now?

SAM: Yeah, you know, he's chained up like a prisoner and people are throwing popcorn at him. Doesn't that seem a little strange?

CHUCK: What's so strange about that? He probably needs the extra money. Teachers are so underpaid.

SAM: I don't think ...

MARK: Samantha, why did you come here, anyway?

SAM: I was intrigued. Not about you. About this game of yours.

MARK: Oh, well, I promise ...

He looks up to see Ace zipping by.

MARK: Someday, I'll tell you all about it. And when I make a promise, I try to keep it.

SAM: All right, Hollander. You're off the hook. For now.

CHUCK: (offering plate) Funnel cake?

SCENE: Mark's room

MARK: Hi, Pete, it's me. You wouldn't believe how much this video game has taken over my life. I know it sounds crazy but I think Lord Fear has kidnapped my science teacher and replaced him with Lady Illusion. The worst part is I've got a detention with him ... well, her ... tomorrow. I can't explain it, but I think it's got something to do with Lady Illusion and the Amulet. I can't rescue Mr Cheseborough ... or myself ... without Ace Lightning. Oh, yeah, and there's this girl called Samantha. She's getting really suspicious.

SIMON: Mark, dinner's ready.

MARK: Be right there, Dad. Well, Pete, I've gotta go. I don't know what I'm going to do.

SCENE: Carnival of Doom

Lady Illusion morphs from Cheseborough back into herself.

LORD FEAR: Every step I take, I think of Lightning and how he crippled me in battle. Now that arrogant fool has followed us here to this new dimension. And here is where we'll crush him once and for all. And at last my vengeance will be complete! (Evil laugh)


THE END