Ok, I know this is an AL board so this should be AL but you guys are the only ppl I know id share something like this with. It's a script mocking a few people I know. Now, it is meant to be a joke so it is sort of meant to be pretty over the top. Please don't bring out the sporks. Just help me write an ending, as you can see its incomplete. Who is the murderer? And how does it come out? (Remember this is a spoof, a joke)
Murder Mystery Play
Characters
Dempster Hamlin- The judge
Sirena Round- Sweet singing mermaid
Sacha- Helpmate
Jay- Crow
Marion- Bitter
Melantha- Dark flower
Justis Devlin- Justice
Leila Lovel- Black as the night
Celosia- Burning flame
Script
Dempster, Sacha, Jay, Marion, Melantha, Justis and Leila are sitting at a table in a restaurant. Two chairs are empty. Celosia runs in.
Celosia: (Runs in, three policemen follow) You won’t believe what I just saw!
Melantha: (Turns around in chair) What’s up?
Celosia: I was on my way here and I saw Miss Round’s house up in flames.
Leila: No!
Celosia: Yes, I called the police and they followed me here.
Constable: That’s right. Miss Round is dead and her house burnt to the ground. As you eight were very close to Miss Round and, we believe, all eight of you have motives and had the opportunity to kill Miss Round, you are our main suspects.
Justis: This is all so sudden. (Puts head in hands)
Dempster: How could this have happened? Constable, do you know any details?
Constable: Well, we don’t know much yet. The remains have been found though.
Dempster: And what did you discover?
Constable: The findings proved very interesting. From the remains we could work out that Miss Round had been drugged with chloroform, tied to a chair, continually beaten, doused with petrol along with her entire house, a lit match was thrown into the house and Miss Round died in the fire.
(Faces look shocked, some gasps let out)
Dempster: What time would it have happened?
Constable: We think somewhere between five and eight tonight.
Sacha: But, hold on. How are we suspects? None of us would kill anyone!
Constable: We think differently. You eight can talk the murder over. The boys and I will wait outside. Maybe you can work out who killed Miss Round. Otherwise, it’ll be off to the station with all of you. We’ll be back up in a while. (Leaves room with other policemen)
(Celosia sits down)
Leila: I can’t believe this. It’s so horrible.
Melantha: Yeah. I can’t bear to think about it.
Marion: Yeah.
Melantha: You can’t pretend you’re upset for Miss Round! You never liked her, in fact, you hated her!
Sacha: Yeah, the only reason you’re here is because it worked out as part of your detention time and you got to eat!
Marion: Oh, come on. Neither of you can talk about hating Miss Round. You, Melantha, you always complained about her, calling her a ‘bad teacher’ and a ‘stupid blonde.’ And Sacha, you were so jealous of her.
Melantha: You probably killed her because of that graffiti incident. Remember?
Marion: That’s old news!
Melantha: Ha, but you are still in detention for it.
Celosia: Yeah, I distinctly recall you yelling to Miss Round, ‘I’ll kill you, you little bitch!’
Marion: A sudden outburst, I would never really kill her.
Justis: Why would you want to kill Sirena over the graffiti incident? She had nothing to do with it.
Sacha: Well, she did tell you that Marion did the graffiti.
Justis: What? No she didn’t.
Sacha: If Miss Round didn’t tell you, who did?
Justis: I suspected Marion the whole time but my proof came when the finger print id came back on the spray paint can Marion had left behind.
Marion: You mean I beat up that little cow for no reason?
Dempster: What? You beat up poor Sirena?
(Melantha shuffles in her seat and frowns)
Marion: Yeah, but that was a long time ago.
Dempster: You had better tell me exactly what happened.
Marion: I suppose so, seems stupid now. I was doing some graffiti behind the school when stupid Miss Round showed up. She must have left school late or something. Miss was so shocked to see me doing the graffiti. Then I threatened her, just so she wouldn’t tell no one. But then Mr Devlin told me he knew it was me who had done the graffiti and that he had proof. I thought that Miss Round had told him so I went to her car one arvo, waited for her, and beat her up a little. I was close to killing her, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t kill someone, even if it was her.
Dempster: So you didn’t kill her tonight?
Marion: No, I was hanging with my friends at the park, they’ll back me up on that.
Justis: Wait, there’s one thing I don’t get. Why didn’t Sirena tell me you had hurt her?
Marion: I told her if she told anyone I hurt her, I’d kill her.
Justis: Hmm… It does add up.
Dempster: Yes, well that will mean many more detentions for you, Marion, but it doesn’t tell us who killed Sirena.
Marion: Well, I think that it was Jay.
Jay: What?
Marion: You always had the biggest fascination with Miss Round. I remember you telling everyone in the change room that you fantacised about her at night.
Jay: No I didn’t.
Melantha: You did! I remember Patrick telling me about that. I also remember how much you’d slobber over her in English.
Jay: Jealous?
Melantha: No, ew. Did you kill Miss because she didn’t like you?
Jay: No.
Leila: Actually, I remember Sirena being really upset about something two weeks before school ended in 2005. She said it had to do with ‘sexually driven teenage boys.’ I wonder if she was talking about you.
Dempster: I remember her having a bruise on her forehead; she wouldn’t tell me how it got there. Was that there when she was upset about the boys?
Leila: Um, she got the bruise a few days later. I remember she was upset on a Friday and the bruise appeared on the next Tuesday, I think. After sport on the Thursday before she was upset. Everyone in our staffroom left and I remember that she was the last person in there because she forgot to lock up. Some of the teachers made a big fuss about it. I wonder why she forgot.
Celosia: Could it have been something to do with Jake? He did tennis with me for sport and he was at school later than usual on that day, I’m pretty sure. I remember cause I saw him creeping about, it was pretty funny. So I don’t think he caught a bus home.
Jay: So, I stayed later, does that really matter? I’m sure lots of other people were there late.
Melantha: But, why did you stay at school later?
Jay: My mum was picking me up so I could, ah, go to the dentist.
Melantha: Right. (Rolls eyes)
Jay: No, it’s true!
Marion: Ha, are you forgetting I’m here? I caught the bus with you normally. That Thursday you said you had to pick up something for English.
Melantha: We had Miss Round for English, didn’t we Jay?
Jay: Yeah. I did have to pick up some papers.
Dempster: Well then, why lie and tell us you were going to the dentist.
Jay: Cause, cause, cause I knew you’d suspect me. But I didn’t kill her, only lo…
Melantha: Lo…?
Jay: Loved her.
Leila: You loved Sirena?
Jay: Yeah. That arvo I did go to the staffroom to pick up some English work, but she was their all alone so I though it was the perfect time to, you know, confess my feelings towards her.
Sacha: What did she say?
Jay: Well, after I told her she freaked out a little. I tried to kiss her and she slapped me. After the slap, I went sort of crazy. I wacked her over the head with the telephone and she was knocked out. I thought of raping her but fled instead.
Dempster: Well, why on earth didn’t she tell anyone?
Sacha: Maybe she was scared. After all, Marion almost killed her as well. If I was in her position I’d be too scared to tell anyone too.
Melantha: That’s so sad. Jay, how could you?
Jay: I don’t know, something just came over me.
Dempster: Well, you must have killed her tonight then, if you’d tried before.
Jay: Hold on, Marion could have killed her; he had just as big a reason. And, if Marion and I both had reasons to kill her, I bet some other people here do too.
Justis: Hold on, son. I’m the principal. What possible reason could I have had to kill Sirena?
Jay: Well, there was that scandal between Miss Round and Mr Hamlin, wasn’t there? I remember that brought down the school’s rep a little.
(Melantha looks increasingly nervous and agitated)
Sacha: Oh yeah, I remember when those two very important members of the department of education came and burst in on Miss Round and Mr Hamlin hooking up. You got into a lot of trouble for that, didn’t you, Mr Devlin?
Justis: Well, yes, that is true. The two members were outraged. Dempster, how could you?
Dempster: How could I not? Come on, what would you do if you were alone in a staff room with an incredibly hot woman who is also incredibly blonde, sweet and gullible.
(Melantha looks incredibly nervous and agitated, Celosia notices)
Justis: Spare me.
Dempster: I know just as well as everyone else here that given the chance you would have hooked up with her too. It was just unfortunate that those two snobby members happened to walk in. Anyways, after that we broke up. (Looks over at Melantha, the two smile at each other, Leila notices)
Justis: (Standing up) Your stupid mistake cost me our school’s spotless reputation. (Bangs table with hand) It was your fault I had to sit through those embarrassing meetings and it was your fault people laughed at our school and called all of the other teachers whores! I should have fired you then when I had the chance! But no, I was nice and gave you a second chance.
Dempster: Gees, shhh! Don’t go too overboard, sit down.
(Justis sits back down and breathes deeply)
Marion: So, did you kill Miss Round because she had brought down the rep of our school?
Justis: No! How could you even suggest that?
Leila: But you have tried to kill her before.
Justis: What? No I haven’t.
Leila: Yes you have. Remember the staff end of year party in 2007?
Justis: Yes.
Leila: Remember how Sirena almost died from the peanuts in the food?
Justis: Yes, but that was just an accident.
Leila: I don’t think so, and neither did Sirena. She told me that she thought someone may have put it there, considering her reputation as a ‘slut.’ I always suspected you, because you planned the food and you were angry with Sirena about the hook up incident.
Justis: Oh come on, I didn’t put peanuts in the food.
Leila: Right. (Rolls eyes)
Celosia: Hey, stop blaming my dad for everything! And I think you probably played a part in the murder, Miss Lovel.
Leila: Me?
Celosia: Yes you. You were always envious of Miss Round, weren’t you? You wanted to be her, didn’t you?
Leila: No.
Melantha: I beg to differ. Celosia’s right. You were the best friend of her, pushed aside because boys paid much more attention to Miss Round than you.
Sacha: So eventually always coming second to a blonde drove you mad. You decided to kill her so you could become the new Miss Round.
Leila: Yes! Ok, I didn’t kill her tonight but, like the rest of you, I have tried. Mine was much simpler though. We were hanging out at my house and I went into the kitchen to get some diet coke. I saw a large knife and picked it up. I was so jealous I would have killed her straight away, if Dempster hadn’t called her mobile. The phone call took a while so I had time to think my plan over and I decided I couldn’t go through with it. End of story. I didn’t kill her then and I didn’t kill her tonight.
Melantha: Whoa, ok, is it just me or is almost everyone in this room crazy? But, what was that phone call about anyways?
Leila: What phone ca… Oh, that one. Something about going out for a drink together, or something.
Melantha: (To Dempster) So that must have been just before you….
Leila: Before he what?
Melantha: Umm… Oh, nothing. Say, Celosia, weren’t you involved in a little fire at the school?
Celosia: I can’t believe you’re bringing that up! What year were we in, like nine?
Melantha: So, it was still pretty scary. Didn’t Ethan almost die?
Celosia: That was an accident! I slipped.
Melantha: Ha! Slipped.
Sacha: Yeah, that fire, I remember it so clearly! We were in science, using the bunsens, Celosia ‘slipped’ and knocked a Bunsen over on Ethan. At first we all laughed but when we realized it was serious everyone started yelling and screaming, Ethan nearly burned to death.
Celosia: Once again, I slipped. You have no proof that I knocked the Bunsen on purpose. Plus, they did a search into the incident and I was proved innocent.
Marion: Yeah, maybe that had something to do with the fact that you’re the principal’s daughter.
Celosia: No!
Jay: Sort of a coincidence that Miss Round died in a fire, isn’t it?
Celosia: Now that’s ridiculous, just cause I pushed a Bunsen on Ethan in year nine doesn’t mean I burnt down Miss Round’s house. Oh!
Melantha: You just admitted to pushing the Bunsen on Ethan!
Justis: You didn’t, did you?
Celosia: Ok, ok, I did. But he was just so annoying!
Sacha: So what other secrets have you been hiding then?
Leila: Wait a second! There was a Molotov cocktail thrown into the history staffroom this year.
Melantha: Really? I didn’t hear about that.
Leila: One of the few things you kept your big nose out of! But, yeah, there was. Only small though, not anything major. Someone threw a Molotov cocktail into the staffroom. Luckily it didn’t hit anyone. We couldn’t figure out who did it though.
Dempster: Celosia, were you involved in that fire?
Celosia: What, no!
Melantha: You so were! You were always a little shifty.
Celosia: Oh stop it you tramp!
Dempster: Don’t you dare take your anger out on Melantha! This is a very serious matter and I believe you’re guilty.
Celosia: Oh, why? Because Melantha told you so?
Justis: Celosia, quit shouting. Or I’ll tell everyone your secret fascination.
Jay: What secret fascination?
Justis: Celosia, she likes fire. I mean really likes it. I constantly found matches and lighters in her room and I don’t ever think she got over that obsession. Of course, we did try hard to deter her from playing with fire but she never stopped.
Marion: Ha! The principal’s daughter is an arsonist!
Celosia: SHUT UP!
Dempster: Quiet everyone. Stop this, calm down.
Melantha: You’re right, Cowboy, we should all chill.
Leila: What did you just call Dempster?
Melantha: I didn’t call him anything.
Leila: You just called him cowboy.
Marion: That is sick.
Melantha: No I didn’t.
Celosia: You did! We all heard it, right?
Everyone except for Melantha and Dempster: Yep.
Marion: Eww. Gross!
Leila: Dempster, is there something going on that we should know?
Dempster: What, no.
Leila: Because I could swear that Cowboy was a sexual term.
Dempster: No, nothing’s going on.
Celosia: Lie! I saw how Melantha shifted every time anyone talked about Miss Round and you!
Dempster: I said, nothing’s going on!
Sacha: Ah! I can’t take it any more! Dempster and Melantha have been together for years!
Melantha: Sacha! How did you know that? Oops.
Jay: So it’s true! I don’t believe it.
Justis: Dempster, how long.
Dempster: Four years.
Jay: Wow.
Leila: Dempster, that’s sick.
Melantha: (Quietly to Sacha) How did you find out?
Justis: Yes, Sacha, I think we would all like to hear how you found out about Dempster and Melantha.
Sacha: I was walking past Melantha’s English room after handing in an assignment at recess, or was it lunch. Anyways, I heard a few noises and distinctly heard Mel’s voice, so I figured I’d meet up with her then and we could go to her locker, as always. I opened the door a little, just so I didn’t disturb Melantha in case she was in an important conversation, and there they were, kissing. They were too absorbed with each other to realise I was at the door, I ran away as fast as possible.
Melantha: Why didn’t you tell me?
Sacha: I don’t know, I was freaked out. I thought you were better than that.
Justis: Dempster, confess, what happed between you and Melantha?
Dempster: We kissed, spur of the moment thing, one day and one thing led to another and we became a couple.
Justis: God, that’s sick.
Dempster: Shut up.
Melantha: Ok, now everything’s out in the open, you can tell me when you started cheating on me with Miss Round. Was it in the first week, or was it later on, like after two years?
Dempster: I never cheated on you!
Melantha: No, and the phone calls, the conversations, the meetings, they meant nothing!
Dempster: They were all over the blackmailing, honey! Sirena was blackmailing me.
Melantha: What? Why?
Dempster: She found out about us, took some pretty incriminating photos and bang, decided to make my life a living hell.
Melantha: Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.
Leila: Big mouth’s got herself in trouble, again.
Dempster: I tried to kill that little slut but she got away.
Melantha: Was that when you told me you were going to a work meeting but you were actually at a bar with Miss Round?
Dempster: Yep, I told Sirena that I needed to talk to her about the blackmailing thing and to meet me down at Tim’s bar. When we were there I ordered the drinks, Sirena went to the bathroom and I slipped a few poisoned ice cubes in her drink. I though they’d kill her and I wouldn’t need to worry about paying her all that money but I was wrong. It turned out that Sirena drinks really fast, a fact I’d forgotten, and she drunk the drink so quickly that the ice didn’t have time to melt.
Leila: So you killed her tonight so she couldn’t keep blackmailing you.
Dempster: No, no. I regretted even thinking of putting the ice in the drink. I wouldn’t really kill anyone.
Justis: Likely story.
Marion: Ah, doesn’t that make Melantha pretty suspicious?
Melantha: What? No!
Marion: Well, you did think that Mr Hamlin was having an affair with Miss Round. That would have made you pretty jealous.
Melantha: Well, yes, so?
Leila: You hated Miss Round. Called her a stupid blonde and laughed at her.
Melantha: Yes. BUT I DIDN’T KILL HER!
Celosia: You bought a gun a few years ago.
Everyone: What?
Celosia: That’s right. Miss Perfect bought a gun and learnt how to use it.
Melantha: No, you’re lying!
Celosia: Reveal something about me, I reveal something about you. You told me it was for protection, but I never believed you.
Justis: How did she get the gun?
Celosia: Fake id. Melantha, you planned to kill Miss Round because you thought Mr Hamlin was cheating on you with her. But something happened that ruined your plans, didn’t it?
Melantha: (Sobbing) Ok, ok. I bought the gun, I planned to kill Miss Round, but I didn’t kill her. I was angry, ok? I was prepared to shoot her but someone stole my gun and I never went through with my plans to kill her. I just learnt to live with the pain.
Justis: Who stole your gun?
Melantha: I never found out.
Sacha: I did.
Melantha: No, you wouldn’t do that.
Sacha: Well, I did. I found out about the blackmailing. Oh, and your plans I found out about in a note I discovered in your room when we were cleaning it. I couldn’t let you go through with it, so I took your gun.
Justis: Well that all fits together. But wait, how did you find out about the blackmailing?
Sacha: I overheard Miss Round and Mr Hamlin talking.
Leila: You seem to have been doing a lot of overhearing.
Sacha: Yeah, I don’t know why, I just hear everything.
Marion: Big ears.
Sacha: I couldn’t stand the thought of Miss Round hurting poor Melantha’s reputation. So after stealing the gun I did contemplate using it but I couldn’t, I couldn’t take someone’s life.
Jay: But did you kill her tonight?
Sacha: Nope, I was shopping.
Justis: Well, everyone here has attempted to kill Sirena, but who actually did? Was it Marion, who believed she revealed his graffiti work? Or Jay, who was hopelessly in love with Sirena?
Leila: It also could have been you, remember? You were upset that Sirena was bringing down the school’s reputation.
Marion: Miss Lovel, you were always jealous of Miss Round, it was probably you. Or Celosia, who is a serial arsonist.
Celosia: Am not. I bet it was Dempster, cause Miss Round was blackmailing him. Actually, Melantha would kill someone out of jealousy, especially Miss Round.
Dempster: Don’t blame us. I think Sacha is acting way too innocent.
Justis: Ok, we have to figure this out.
I just realised this could get really confusing so here's a short bio of each character:
Miss Sirena Round- Teacher, pretty blonde, had previous 'encounter' with Dempster.
Mr Dempster Hamlin- Teacher, old creepy dude.
Sacha: Student, best friend type.
Jay- Student, little bit of a popular dork
Marion- Student, bad boy
Melantha- Student, smart but friendly (Oh and confused)
Justis Devlin- Principal, strict but nice
Leila Lovel- Teacher, mean cow
Celosia- Student, Principal's daughter, up herself