Here is the transcription which has taken me two months to get right! Yee-haw!
Episode 27: Upgrades
Transcript by Rotgut
Scene: Chuck On Webcam/Pete's Bedroom
Chuck, now thinner and wearing glasses talks to Mark on a webcam.
Chuck: Yo Mark? How's your summer in the UK? Mine rocked! Computer camp was crazy; I ruled that place. They called me the Bitzbyte, you know: bits and bytes. I'm totally stoaked to start high school. New school, new me, no more getting picked on, no more puking. The new and improved Chuck Mugel bows to no one! Hehehe, ack!
Chuck's camera slowly tilts down and Chuck follows it until he falls onto the floor.
Pete: Hey Mark.
Mark: Oh, hey Pete.
Pete: I'm sorry you're leaving, but it's been brilliant having you around this summer.
Mark: Yeah totally! But now it is time to get back to reality...I just wish I knew what reality I was getting back to?
Scene: The Junkyard
A dog runs into the junkyard, quickly followed by two dogcatchers. The two bang into eachother.
Dogcatcher 1: Easy...easy it does it sweetheart!
The second dogcatcher sneaks up behind the dog and throws a net over it.
Dogcatcher 2: Gotcha!
Dogcatcher 1: Gotcha smarty-paws!
Random Virus, in evil mode wheels out of the shadows
Random: The dog is mine! Out of my way, before I feed on your bones! Hehehe...
(Title Sequence)
Scene: The Junkyard
Dogcatcher 1: T-t-t-take the dog, pal. He's yours.
They remove the net from the dogs, who scampers away.
Dogcatcher 2: You seem like a friendly pet owner who wouldn't hurt a fly...or people, right?
Random: You miserable cowards, you're weak and I destroy weakness!
Dogcatcher 2: Take him, he is more of a coward than I am!
Dogcatcher 1: He's just fooling...
Ace: That is far enough Random! Lightning Knights, don't attack mortals!
Ace and Sparx are in the sky. Ace fires a lightning bolt onto the ground. The two dogcatchers run off screaming. Ace lands in front of Random.
Random: No! You fool! She is escaping!
Random angrily grabs Ace and throws up at Sparx. He collides with Sparx and the two fall to the ground, along with the Sword of Jacob. Sparx slowly stands up to face Random and swiftly launchs a lightning bolt from her sword at Random. He is struck by it. Random approaches Sparx, who slashes at him with her sword. Random grabs Sparx and tosses her across the junkyard. Sparx lands and Random moves towards her. Ace stands up and fires a powerful blast at Random who is badly wounded. The dog barks at Random. Ace jumps at Random, who whacks him away to Sparx. Ace stands up and fires a lightning lasso at Random and it wraps around the cyborg, preventing him from escaping. Sparx stands up and fires lightning bolts at Random. Random turns around when stay stop their attacks, now good.
Random: Ace? Sparx? That was Lady Illusion!
Sparx: No, that was a dog...easy mistake a guess!
Random: Looking worringly at his claw and hand. Maybe I am out of control. I'm good and evil and good! I cannot trust myself!
Sparx: He is losing it, Ace. Today he is chasing after dogs; tomorrow he could be chasing after us!
Ace: Or worse, attacking mortals. We have to stop him before he hurts someone.
Sparx: Good call. How?
Ace: By sending him back to the Sixth Dimension, where he'll be safe.
Sparx: Come on Ace, what are you gonna do? Snap your fingers and make him disappear?
Ace: No, we're going to take him there ourselves, with a little help from Mark.
Ace and Sparx fly away into the sky. The dog barks at them and then morphs into Lady Illusion.
Lady Illusion: You have your plan Ace, and I have mine. And it doesn't include Sparx!
Scene: Mark's House
Mark: Come on mum, just tell me what you have done!
Fiona: You've waited three months, you can wait one more second. Surprise!
Fiona's hand is removed from Mark's face to reveal Mark's room, totally revamped into something that resembles a toddler's room.
Fiona: I've re-decorated your room. Don't you love it?
Mark: Cringing. I would...if I was nine! Mum, I can't believe you did this to my room without asking!
Fiona: Do not be so negative! You needed a change of colour!
Mark: I am not a little kid anymore...I'm going to high school.
Fiona: I know you aren't, but little kids do not recieve frantic messages from girls wondering if Mark is home yet?
She hands Mark some letters.
Mark: They're from Samantha.
The doorbell rings.
Fiona: That must be are new housekeeper. We shall talk about your room later.
Mark: What? Housekeeper?
Fiona: She'll be helping us, while I am away at work. Didn't your father tell you? I've taken a job selling real estate.
She walks out the room smiling happily.
Mark: Wonder what else had changed around here.
His phone starts ringing.
Mark: Hello?
Samantha: Mark? You're home!? Did you get my messages?
Mark: Yep, all fifty of them! So where are you?
Samantha: At school...
Mark: What are you doing? Scoping out a new locker?
Samantha: Not exactly. I wanted to tell you in person, but you were in England and I was here, and now I'm gone...
Mark: Whoa! Slow down, Sam! Gone where?
Samantha: Westford School. It is a boarding school. I didn't want to say anything until I got in. But, an opening came up last minute and...now...I'm...
Mark: Gone?!
Samantha: I'm only 432 miles away! I will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Mark: Hold on Sam, I've got another call. He changes calls.
Mark: Hello?
Chuck: Welcome home dude! You've got to check out the carnival. They've got this new wicked golf course.
Mark: Look Chuck, I can't talk right now. I am talking to Sam. I'll call back later.
Chuck: Later dude.
Mark: Hi Sam, I'm back.
Samantha: Was that Chuck? Tell him I said hi and bye.
Mark: Ack! Sam, I've got another call! Hello?
Ace: Hey kid! About time, you got home!
Mark: Ace?
Fiona: Mark, can you come down please.
Mark: Sure mum, be right down. Sorry Ace, I can't speak right now...
Samantha: Ace? You mean Ace Lightning?
Mark: Sorry Samantha! No, I do not play Ace Lightning anymore...
Samantha: Erm...I've got to get to class, so I shall call you when I can. I am going to miss you Mark.
Mark: Me too. Hi Ace, I am back.
Ace: Great, meet at the junkyard and bring the Amulet.
Random (in background): Come on! Hurry up! I can wait much longer!
Mark: I thought all this superhero stuff was over.
Ace: It's never over, kid. I can't now, but bring that computer thing.
Random (in background): Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy!
Mark gets out his Amulet necklace and stares at it.
Scene: Outside the Haunted House, The Carnival of Doom
Wayne and his friend Zack exit the Haunted House.
Wayne: Where's the freaking boneman? I want my money back!
Zack: There is no boneman Wayne. Your like obssessed.
Wayne spots Chuck.
Wayne: What have we here? Hey, is that Chucky Uchuck!?
Chuck: No Wayne. It's just Chuck. And now that we are going to high school, things are gonna be different.
Wayne: If by different, you mean much worse for you, you're right.
Chuck slips off his glasses and he and Wayne stare at eachother. Wayne then blinks after a short staring contest.
Zack: You totally blinked!
Wayne: Shut up, Zack! See you at school Chucky!
Scene: Mark's Kitchen
Fiona is busy reading papers about real estate.
Mark: I'm going out mum!
Fiona: Wait to you meet are new housekeeper. Your father is showing her around.
Mark: Fine...but I don't see why we need some old...
Simon enters with a young brown haired girl.
Mark: ...Maid?!
Simon: There is are little boy!
Mark: Dad!
Simon: Fine, meet are little man, Mark. Mark, meet Felicity Fury.
Felicity approaches the stunned Mark and they shake hands.
Mark: Nice to meet you. You know I was just saying we could do with a housekeeper! If there is anything you need, anything...my room is always open!
Simon: No it's not! You've got a padlock, and a dead bolt.
Felicity starts whirling her arms around Mark's body.
Felicity: Wow! What a powerful aura! You radiate such positive energy.
Simon: It's called hormones.
Mark: Hahaha! Simon with his jokes!
Simon: Did he just call me Simon?
Fiona: Mark, don't you have somewhere to go?
Mark: No... Oh right! I'm going to meet a friend!
Felicity: It was nice to meet you Mark.
Mark: Pleasure's all mine!
Felicity smiles as Mark dashes off and looks at Fiona and Simon amazingly.
Felicity: You didn't tell me your son was so handsome! I sense a kindered spirit in him.
Fiona dumbstruck, raises an eyebrow.
Scene: The Junkyard
Mark approaches Ace and Sparx who carry their weapons.
Ace: You look bigger, kid? What happened, you have a power surge?
Mark: It is called growing up. Anyway, what is all this about going back to the Sixth Dimension?
Ace: No choice kid, we have to take Random where he can't hurt mortals...or Lightning Knights.
Sparx: Besides, we've run out of badguys. There is nothing left to fight for here.
Mark: What about Lady Illusion? We never found out what happened to her.
Ace: Random thinks she is still here, but no signs of her yet.
Mark: I guess we're all going through some changes.
Sparx: Cheer up, kid. We'll send you a postcard from the Sixth Dimension.
Random: No! I won't go back! Give me the Amulet of Zoar. You are not worthy of it!
Ace and Sparx dash at Random and start hitting him with their swords. Mark frantically tries to start the game as Random beats up his former comrades.
Ace: Do it Mark, send us back to the Sixth Dimension, and fear not!
Mark hits the delete button on his computer. Random moves towards him and Lady Illusion hops up onto a car.
Lady Illusion: Ace? No! You can't send him back without me!
Lady Illusion hurls a bomb at Mark and Random who flee as it hits the ground. A blue vortex appears out of the computer and sucks Ace and Sparx inside it before vanishing. Mark runs up to the computer and Lady Illusion jumps down before him.
Lady Illusion: I've been hiding long enough, waiting for a sign that Ace cared about me. I should have gone with him, not Sparx!
Mark: You don't get it do you? He doesn't want to be with you.
Lady Illusion: Liar! He loves me!
Mark falls down as Lady Illusion creates another bomb in her hand. Mark grabs his own wrist cannon and fires several lightning bolts at Lady Illusion.
Lady Illusion: Big mistake mortal! Your all alone in this dimension, with no one to protect you.
Lady Illusion teleports away and Random slowly stands up and confronts Mark, who packs up his computer and runs away.
Random: Run your helpless coward, before I crush your skull like an eggshell!
Scene: Night at the Carnival
Wayne sneaks through the carnival to the Haunted House.
Wayne: He's in here somewhere.
He looks onwards as a doombuggy appears, two skeletons sitting in the backseat.
Wayne: Cool, I'm coming in boneman! I know you're in here and you don't scare me.
Wayne passes by the organ room and checks to see if the "Boneman" is in there.
Wayne: I know he is here...I can feel it.
As the doombuggy moves on, the skeletons start glowing with green light. When the doombuggy leaves the Haunted House, the skeletons are replaced by Lord Fear and Staff Head. Staff Head is now a large fat frog with long movable frog legs and giant bat wings.
Lord Fear: Last stop, everyone off!
Wayne turns around and spots Fear and Staff Head.
Staff Head: Enjoy the ride, mate!
Lord Fear and Staff Head: Hehehehehehe!!!
Wayne: The boneman's back!
Wayne runs off screaming and Staff Head cackles evilly.
Lord Fear: I always had a soft spot for that kid.
Wayne: Argh!!!
Duff bursts out of his trailer, carrying a crobar.
Duff: What the Sam Hill!? Looks like he's seen...Fear?
Lord Fear taps Duff on the shoulder and he turns around to face him. Staff Head is with Fear.
Lord Fear: Honey, I'm home!
Duff drops the crobar and the villains laugh evilly.
In an unknown room full of computer screens, a figure watches Lord Fear laugh. It is the Master Programmer.
Master Programmer: The upgrade is perfect, everything is going according to plan! Hahahahahahaha!
Scene: Conestoga Hills High School, Corridor
Two girls walk by the camera, Chuck is checking them out.
Chuck: Is it me, or are high school girls different?
Mark: It's not you?
A blonde haired girl stomps up.
Girl: Move it, your in my way!
Chuck: Er, sorry...just checking out your locker digs. I'm Chuck, that's Mark and you are?
Girl: I'm trying to get to my locker, do you mind?
Chuck: Oh! Your locker is in the hood too? Guess that makes us locker buddies!?
Girl: Locker buddies? Is that some sort of small town way of saying "hello"?
Mark: Hey, he's just trying to be friendly. What's your problem!?
Girl: I have no problem! I don't even want to be here!
Chuck: Well...it's...school!
Girl: I mean HERE! I want to go back to where I came from before my parents dragged me here.
Chuck: There is cool stuff in Conestoga Hills...we've got a carnival?
Girl: Yeah! Blow me away!
Chuck gives up and shakes his head.
Girl: Do you know we moved here with one week's notice. None of my friends know what happened to me!
Mark: Sounds like when I moved from England. Give it a chance and it's really not that bad.
The girl slams her locker shut.
Girl: Well it was nice meeting you and all, but I won't be here for long.
She walks off towards a room.
Scene: School Homeroom
Mark and Chuck enter the room. Wayne, Zack and the new girl are in the room already. There is some rules on the board:
The Rules
No Talking
No Eating
No Drinking
No Humming
No Gum Chewing
No Giggling
No Whispering (I do not know if all of these rules are right.)
Mark: These homeroom rules remind me of Mr. Chesebrough.
Chuck: Wonder what happened to Chesebrough. I heard the middle school candidates talking about aliens from outer space in class.
Voice: Ahem!
Mark and Chuck sit down and look up in alarm to see Mr. Chesebrough, wearing a badge saying "I'm Back", standing at the front of the class.
Mr. Chesebrough: Good morning, I am Mr. Chesebrough, your homeroom teacher/commander and chief. I see some familiar faces and fresh ones. I want you to think this homeroom as headquarters. All I want from you is unthinking obidience and we'll get along just swimmingly. Now some of you may remember that unfortunate incident at middle school, but thanks to my teachers union, I've been fully reinstated, and I see this as a second chance for all of us...including you Hollander!
Mark looks up and grins at his old science teacher. The school bell rings.
Mr. Chesebrough: Dismissed! Hollander, old chappy. (Chesebrough spies Kat watching them.) Get out! I trust we'll have no more funny business about these... space aliens?
Mark: No, sir.
Mr. Chesebrough: Good. Let's keep that way.
Mark leaves the room and Mr. Chesebrough looks about and hides behind the blackboard.
Mr. Chesebrough: Good. There's no such things as...aliens.
Carnival/School
Lord Fear plays the organ with Staff Head beside him.
Lady Illusion appears at Mark's classroom window and spots him. Mark looks up and gasps at Lady Illusion, who growls back.
Lord Fear does target practice with Duff, who is holding a carboard cutout of Ace's head.
Mark approaches the window and looks up. Lady Illusion morphs out.
Mr. Chesebrough: Thus, you have... (sees Mark staring idiotically out the window.) Mr. Hollander, principal's office.
Lord Fear plays golf with Staff Head as his gold club, he hits the ball with Staff Head who cringes.
Lord Fear: Fore.
Staff Head: Ow!
Lord Fear: Shut it you niny.
The ball rolls about and falls directly in the hole. Duff leaps up in joy.
Lord Fear: Haha! Hole in one!
Back at school...
Mr. Chesebrough: Go!
Mark gathers his things and leaves the room, Kat watching him leave and looking dreamily in the direction of his butt!
Lord Fear plays the organ again and Staff Head flexes his new froggy feet. Lord Fear screeches.
Scene: School Corridor
Mark is outside his locker, when Wayne and his friends walk by.
Wayne: I'm telling you, he's back in the haunted house. He's a skeleton, and he's alive, and his eyes are red, like...
Zack: Like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. (he laughs)
Wayne: No, you jerk. He's real, just cartoon real.
Mark: He can't be back. It's impossible.
Kat: You must be totall trouble. Getting sent to the principal on the first day. And they say I have anger issues.
Mark: You may have noticed, I've got some issues with Mr. Chesebrough.
Kat: Who wouldn't? The guy's a total freak! In case you cared, I'm Kathryn, but everyone calls me Kat. (She walks away)
Scene: Mark's Bedroom
Felicity is searching Mark's room for something. She throws his laundry everywhere, as he enters.
Mark: Er... Felicity?
Felicity: Hey Mark, I hope I didn't intrude your personal space. I was just cleaning your room.
Mark: You call this cleaning? I mean, nice work. Just the way I like it.
Felicity: See, I knew we were kindled spirits. Well, it's time to do your laundry. Excuse me.
She dashes out of the room. Mark goes into his cupboard and brings out the Super Glove of Doom.
Mark: Hey Pete, major changes on the homefront. Sam is at boarding school, and speaking of gone, Ace has taken Sparx back to the game. It looks like I'm gonna have to face Lord Fear on my own. Ace sacrificed a lot to keep the world safe. I guess it is time to stand up and do my part.
Scene: Carnival of Doom (Night)
Lady Illusion is blasted off the Haunted House roof by Lord Fear. She falls to the ground and he approaches her.
Lord Fear: Lady Illusion. What an unexpected pleasure.
Lady Illusion: I've come to ask for your forgiveness.
Staff Head rolls his eyes.
Lord Fear: Forgive you? Why should I forgive for betraying me to Ace Lightning. Where is he?
Lady Illusion: He's back in the Sixth Dimension. I meant nothing to him. He only used me to destroy you.
Staff Head: Blast her, sir! Let her have it!
Lord Fear covers Staff Head's mouth.
Lord Fear: Perhaps you can be forgiven my lady. Now that you have seen the true colours of that superhero scum. Now we must find the Amulet and bring back the others.
Lady Illusion: That won't be difficult, my lord. I've already found two pieces.
She stands up and reveals two pieces of the Amulet. Lord Fear snatches them from Lady Illusion and connects them. A bright light consumes the screen and rests on the ninth hole of the miniature golf course. Ripples of energy flow over the ground surrounding it and a rotting human arm leaps out the ground, followed by the body of what appears to be a rotting corpse of a man. He is dressed in a checkered brown shirt, a cow-pattened wastecoat, grey trousers and boots that have been badly put on. He also has a crippled cowboy, hat which he takes off to reveal yellow eyes.
Zombie: Yee-haw! Howdy partners, name's Rotgut!
Rotgut's left hand snaps off and he picks it up in his right hand.
Rotgut: I hate it when that happens.
Staff Head: Oh crikey! It's a zombie!
Rotgut: Now just a darn tootin' minute! He throws his hand onto the ground in fury. This here ain't no zombie. You're talkin' to the Walking Dead! He groans.
Staff Head: Walking Dead? Does that mean he's evil?
Lord Fear: Let's hope my loyal staff. We can use all the help we can get. As useless as it may be.
Rotgut's left hand suddenly springs to life, just like the one from the Addams Family, and it crawls away. Rotgut chases after it around the mini-golf course.
Rotgut: Oh come on! I can't lose my own body parts!
Lord Fear: And now with Ace Lightning out of the way, nothing can stop from destroying his puny sidekick!
Lady Illusion: Leave the sidekick to me. I have a special homecoming for him. Nananananana!
She morphs into Felicity who cackles evilly. Lord Fear and Staff Head join and, while Rotgut runs about in the background.
THE END